In not liking my Mum much?

[Bummybum]

I love her, I think. And I have respect for how she’s coped in the later years under very hard circumstances.

But, she left me when I was 7. She saw us weekends but still.

I’ve tried to work through that.

I have lots of brothers and they can do no wrong. One recently treated his long term girlfriend APPALLINGLY and my Mum didn’t say a word to him. In face said she probably deserved it.

I live abroad now and the last two christmases have come back to the UK (costing us a bloody fortune) only to be told “no I don’t want you (and ds and dh) here, it’s too much, just me and your brothers on the day.” Fast forward to this year and she’s gleefully talking about what a big Christmas they’re all spending together and all the fun things they’ll do.

And the little constant digs. Just in the last phone conversation I told her I’d bought a new hair curler and she said in a really snidey way “well all that says to me is you have too much time on your hands, must be nice to be you.”

And the constant digs about my weight.

And she seems so angry with how I parent ds. Talking about him choosing what cake he has for his birthday and she snorting and saying how ridiculous it is to let him choose, he doesn’t know he’s born.

Dh has always said he thinks she’s jealous that she is really struggling and sees my life as easy (sahm). I’ve refused to believe him but am starting to think that’s it. Or maybe she just really dislikes me, that’s how she acts. So why phone so often? And she seems to be very bitter and angry anytime I do anything nice for ds. She so sneery, spiteful and negative at everything we do.

I’m really sad. I’m sad her life hasn’t turned out as she wanted but I know I want the best for ds and would never begrudge him anything or act like this towards him.

I’ve been on the point of going nc a few time when she’s been particularly vicious but she always switches and become nicer for a while.

I really love her but I’m starting to hate her too. We make our own path in life obviously but I know at least some of my past depression and going off the rails is due to her treatment of me.

I would definitely recommend low or no contact, and as you live in a different country that makes it easier to stick to without a massive showdown. Your mum doesn’t deserve to have you in her life. She’s just awful to you, there’s no justification for that.

This happened to a colleague.
Her mum walked out on them and wanted a relationship when all the kids had all grown up.
She wanted them to be horrible to the step mum who treated them like her own etc.
She would take the piss out of my colleague saying your so scrawny.
My colleague started saying oh it's because you abandoned me when I was young, oh it's your fault for walking out, oh yes you left us behind.
Her mum went NC with her. Said she had issues and my colleague should have kept in touch with her. She was 2 when her mum walked out!