To suggest we don't do presents this year?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

AIBU to suggest to DH's family that we don't do Christmas presents this year? We are so broke (due to house move, job change, etc) and I feel like we just buy presents for the sake of it anyway. This is especially the case with FIL & step-MIL, for whom we have bought several expensive presents over the years which have never seen the light of day so I really don't want to waste our money! My parents have already told us not to buy anything this year, as they know we are tight with money. So AIBU to suggest this, and if not, how do I phrase it?

You ask your DH to do it. It's his family, after all

Yanbu. We did the same last year and will do the same this year too. We can't afford it. Would rather get debts paid down than spend it on material things. The kids are sorted though. But only our own. Don't but for nieces n nephews.

You need to bare in mind that many people will have already bought presents.

Let your dh tell them

I think it’s a bit late in the day to suggest it for this year.

As 98765 said, a lot of people will have already bought presents

Do you have DC? If so, set aside an afternoon to make some Christmas biscuits. Find some nice tins and present them with a bottle of alcohol/packet of posh tea/coffee etc.

Presents don't have to be expensive.

I did worry that it might be a bit late in the day; I think I've just been in denial that Christmas is coming, knowing we can't afford it

Not too late. People don't always give to receive. If you can't afford it then it's daft to get into debt for it.

Not doing presents is always ok if you can't afford it but your leaving it way to late to suggest it, if you didn't want to do presents then you should of said it a couple of months ago tbh.

If someone said that to me now I'd be annoyed as I'm nearly done xmas shopping

If my child came to me and asked to not do presents because they’re broke due to a house move I wouldn’t mind in the slightest, even if I’d already bought them presents. I’d probably give them my presents anyway (you don’t give to receive and all that) but if they feel particularly hard done by they could always take your presents back to the shop and get something for themselves instead.

YANBU. Just tell the truth. After seeing so many threads on here, I wonder why a lot of people bother, so much, 'If it's not cash I throw it out/give it away/regift. If it's not cash it's just clutter I don't want.'

I suggested secret Santa to my family a couple of years ago. Be prepared to hear ‘we love getting you presents so we’ll do that and you do your own thing’.

It would probably be better at this stage to get your DH to have a quiet word that your finances are not great so please don’t be disappointed that your gifts won’t be too expensive.

If they argue about it then they’re the problem, not you.

I'd get DH to ask them now if you can not give presents, if it's too late let them know you have to scale down this year. It's a good time to say that you are going to reduce present-giving to adults to small presents in future years as it's getting out of hand, it's the thought that counts after all.

I just don’t get the whole hype about spending £££’s at Christmas. Fortunately DH and I are without any financial issues, but we just buy each other a token at Christmas. It doesn’t mean we don’t have a lovely time (although this year is going to be grim because of life limiting health worries) we just haven’t spent money on stuff we don’t need. The rest of my very small family want JL vouchers, so easy easy easy.

I think you or DH should say it. I had to do this with the adult Kindle. I knew the names had not been picked out.

I will still do the children's cousin Kris kindle. I felt really bad saying it but everyone was fine and did not bat an eyelid.

I don't think it's too late to ask people. If they've bought their presents in October, they still probably have the 30 or 90 days to return them now if they want. Also, it's still 6 weeks to Christmas. A lot of people won't even start shopping until December 1st. Jump on the chance now, OP.

Depends is ‘we’ means ‘you and DH’ or ‘the entire family’

SIL unilaterally decides every year if we (4 siblings each with 2 or 3 DCs) are allowed to buy presents for each other, based on how skint she is

It drives everyone else a bit mad - who the hell is she to decide?! But of course she gets very passive aggressive if we don’t obey her ‘rules’ around gifting.

There is nothing wrong with letting people know things are tight for you and you will only be doing token presents/won’t be doing presents, but you can’t expect everyone else to go along with your instructions for their own shopping and gifting

@sparechange no I do just mean me & DH, what everyone else does is up to them! Thanks for all the advice, I was worried my feelings were skewed by the fact that I really dislike my in-laws Will ask DH tonight to speak to them and float the idea.

We're not doing presents for family this year. We'll buy for our dc and that's it. We're broke, a new baby due next year and I just don't feel it's necessary. I will send a nice box of chocolates up to family that are spending Xmas together but not buying for my mum or ILs. Yanbu op!

Nothing wrong with telling the truth, but I agree, it's probably too late for many people. You are not giving them much notice!
I always thought it sounds grabby when someone declare at the last minute that there won't be any gifts this year. Great, but presents you had been made to buy are already there, so you give them anyway.

We're broke too.

MIL always goes overboard, so we're set for the children - she sends so much that they have no idea what is what.

We'll buy something small and antiquey for MIL and for my Dad. Something small from Asos for BIL. Don't know about FIL - he's impossible to buy for as he genuinely doesn;t want anything.

We should be able to manage everything for £100.

For each other, DH and I have agreed to get the new Assassin's Creed.

Just say we can't afford and if you've bought something I'm sorry but could you give it to someone else or save it for next year?

It's not last minute at all really though is it? And given that some people start their Christmas shopping in the January sales, it's always going to be too late for some isn't it?

OP, YANBU at all. Cut presents down to just your DCs and just get a token present for the PILs (bottle of wine, chocolates - M&S often have nice boxes on offer) and leave it at that.

No other adults need presents - it's just a waste, spending for the sake of it and leads to people spending money they don't have on stuff that mostly, no-one wants. It's ridiculous.

It is last minute, after Halloween it's perfectly reasonable to start planning Christmas, order gifts to ensure they arrive on time etc. Yes, it's always going to be late for some, but realistically mid-November is far too late. It's about 5 weeks before Christmas now...

After many years of being skint we only buy for grandparents, our DC and my two closest friends children. No other adults.

As our finances have got better we have bought our parents more gifts, at our height of skintness we literally bought them photo calendars of the children and the DC would make stuff for them. Every year the only request we get is for the calendar, for 3 it’s something like £27 - I use vistaprint and order when they have the 50% off (they do now until 31/12 using code MERRY17).

My MIL and my dad buy us a token gift each and buy masses for the children. My mum spoils all of us.

Last year was the first year we have bought gifts for each other since our first Christmas together.