to wish DH would agree to a cat

[yellowDahlia]

I just know I'm setting myself up for a fall...again. I really, really would like to foster cats. It's something I think would benefit both us and the local CPL . I think the DDs and I would all enjoy having a cat or cats around, without the full time commitment (or fear - busy road) of owning our own. I think DH would warm to it, if he would agree to try it - but we've had a number of previous conversations about it and he's just not up for it - not even a trial run.

The idea is creeping back into my head again because we recently tried looking after an assistance dog for a couple of days and while it went fine, I could tell that even a part-time dog is a totally different experience, and would still involve a lot of time and restrictions on where to go and when. Having a cat, in comparison, is so easy and I'm much more comfy with the idea, having grown up with them. Having the dog made me even more sure than cat fostering would be a better fit for us.

But I can't bear more disappointment if I broach the subject and get knocked back again. But I want the kids to enjoy and learn from having an animal to care for and I don't want to wait until DH goes first I'm an old lady to have a cat or cats in my life.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here - maybe someone to tell me get a grip and stop flogging this idea when I know I need everyone in the house to agree to housing a pet of any kind.

I guess I need an objective view - AIBU or should I raise this again, knowing he probably won't have changed his mind?

I think YABU to keep on pressing it, but then again HIBU not to give a fair crack at the situation on the grounds that his objections don't seem to square with the fact that he's accepted a dog on a trial basis in the home.

The objections to one apply as much to the other.

We got our cats recently, and my fiance wanted a dog more. He LOVES our boys now. Absolutely adores them, and accepts that we are just not in the position to look after a dog and won't be for some time. But it would be awful for him if he didn't want them. They are fine with us leaving the house, but if we are there, they just want to be with us 100% of the time having cuddles. If he didn't like that, it would be hellish for him (and it's inconvenient even though we love them).

I never wanted a cat but DH talked me into it. It was when the third cat was adopted I became his human and my fear of being scratched faded and I would love another cat but the bitch next door has a history with our cats so we can't until one of us moves.

I really think your DH should give it a go, who knows he may end up liking cats

poisoning that must be awful for you if you actually hate going home because the cat is there! I really look forward to seeing my cat and my heart lifts as I turn into the drive and catch sight of him! But the difference between your reaction and mine demonstrates that people have preferences which they can't be reasoned out of.

I could not date a man who did not live cats, let alone marry one. Gifford fostering one cat and see how it goes. If he is afraid of a few nasty niffs, then I'd remind him of human bad smells too!

Davros and the other pp who was talking about mental health - I totally agree.* I believe in the benefits of having a cat or dog at home for improving wellbeing and that’s what I want for us.*

As for pets being a dealbreaker, well it’s too late to consider it now!

I don’t know, I think if the opportunity arises I may mention it again but he’s a stubborn get.** It took me years to convince him we should move house...but we did eventually and it all happened at the right time...maybe if I’m patient things will work out. I drive past the Cat shelter every day on my way to work and feel a bit sad about it. But maybe that’s not enough reason to disrupt his/our home life. Thanks all for the words of wisdom/encouragement/dose of realism so far.

This is easy.

If the person you're married to and live with and have children with and love and respect says no, then it's no. And you accept that, without pleading or pressuring.

Just as it would be the other way around.