To let DS sleep in my bed?

[Thistledew]

He is 15 months. We are staying at my parents' where he usually sleeps in a travel cot. I sleep on a low futon in the same room.

Tonight during his bedtime routine I was getting him ready for bed with us sitting on the futon. He took himself up to the head of the bed and lay down with his head on the pillow and pulled up the duvet. When I asked him "Where does mummy sleep?" he pointed to one pillow. When I asked him "Where does DS sleep?" he pointed to the other. It seemed to me to be a clear request to sleep in my bed.

Do I let him?

For me, I can't get into sleeping as a group activity. I wouldn't have DH in the bed if I could get away with it! We have a king size and I hang off the side to have my own space.

I realise that is very much me though and certainly don't see any problem with co-sleeping for those who get something out of it

It's nice in theory but none of us get any sleep on the rare occasion it happens, DD is far too wriggly and likes to have most of the space for herself.

Same with my DD2, my DH goes into the spare bedroom so he gets a good night’s sleep before going to work.

If he wants to, and you want to, why not? They aren't small for very long!

put it on the floor. done

ReanimatedSGB, he doesn’t demand anything from me. His XW isn’t English, it’s a cultural thing, once children arrive, the husband is of less importance. In their case, this went on until the children were in their twenties. He was never allowed to discipline them in any way, or have any meaningful say in their upbringing. Consequently, they are young women with a huge sense of entitlement. Of course your children are of paramount importance, but your DP is supposed to be your best friend , have each other’s backs. I was only making the point that it’s lovely to cuddle up with your DP at the end of busy days. Nothing deeper than that really.

Our Ds sleeps in between us because he just will not sleep all night in his own bed and I want a good nights sleep.

He slept fine in his "next to me" crib (from 11pm to 7am from 7 weeks old). But just would not sleep all night in his own room and cot.

Honestly, I love being beside him at night and getting night time cuddles! If he is upset I can comfort him without leaving the bed. Also, if there was a fire or burglar in the house I would be there to rescue him straight away (I lost a childhood friend in a house fire, so it's always on my mind)

Downsides are that I have less room in bed, and we can't have sex in our own bed (but that's what the spare bed is now for!)

I settled him in his cot initially last night but then brought him in with me when he woke for a feed about 1.30. It took him longer to go back to sleep than it normally does when I feed him and put him back in his cot, but he did sleep longer in the morning. The one downside was around 6am when we had an argument about him wanting to squeeze my nipple and he properly cried when I wouldn't let him.
Thanks for the reassurance re SIDS. I did wonder if I was overthinking it at this age.

Can I ask those who co-sleep all the time- where do you put your DC down to sleep? It's not too much of an issue here on the futon as it is only about 6 inches off the ground but our bed at home is quite high. He can safely get himself on and off it when he is awake but on the few times I have had him in bed with me when DH has been sleeping elsewhere (so he is not wedged between us) I do worry about him falling off the side. He moves around a lot in his cot and pushing the bed against a wall is not an option.
For the same reason I'm a bit reluctant to put him down to sleep in the evening on the futon.

Awwww. I always used to love having dc snuggling next to me. I'd put them on top of the duvet with their sleeping bag on. Even now they're six and nine they still want to climb in if they've had a nightmare or they're sad.

I always bring DS in with us in the morning for a feed and some cuddles. It lets me nap for a bit longer and I love having my snuggly little hot water bottle.

I would love to cosleep, but I know how deeply I sleep and wouldn’t risk it (I have slept on obliviously through earthquakes and hurricanes in the past - I sleep really deeply). I’m sure it’s safe in general, but it doesn’t feel safe for me.

I bought some bed guards for my bed. DS is a proper wriggler and without them there's no way I could leave him alone in my bed without them.

I'm not convinced that all other children in all other countries are happier because they (possibly) all sleep with their parents and therefore all children in the uk who don't are miserable!

Yes it is nice at times. But a lot of the time the only human getting a good nights sleep is the toddler whereas the parents don't. The number of threads on MN we see from exhausted parents who get very little sleep because of still co sleeping children says a lot.

I think a lot of kids are happier in their own beds plus adults do need their own space to relax.

I dunno, maddiemookins, if I had my time again I'd have coslept much earlier, in order to get a decent night's sleep. When I finally caved and let toddler DS into my bed, we both slept really, really well, whereas before he woke up all the time and I woke up to deal with him.

Majority of the world sleep with their babies. Majority of the world has happier children than the UK. Coincidence?!

Um... yes, coincidence. (If it's even true, since goodness knows how you would measure it!) There are too many factors that could affect happiness to even begin to unpick that one.

Ahhh all my kids have had random nights in our bed because they want to! Dd misses dh so much when he's working away (even a few nights) so when he came home really late into the evening (I'd let her stay up desperate to see him) the slept in our bed and I went it hers! Was so lovely hearing her excited chatter next morning! She went on her own bed fine next night! I frequently wake up to them getting in my bed when he's away, they don't when he's home!

I've never been able to sleep with my son in my bed. A nice idea in theory but he wriggles constantly and I get no sleep.
Plus I didn't want him to get into that habit as he has regular sleepovers at grandparents.
But I'd love sleepy cuddles once in a while. If he'd only stay a little bit still!

They won't be wanting to sleep in your bed forever

He's not goi to be doing it at 15.

I used to say that a lot. She's getting better, but about 50% of the time I wake up with a secondary-aged child in my bed. Be careful what you wish for!!

I had one friend who freely admits she slept in her parents bed until she was 15 - no coincidence she was an only child.

I was reading this yesterday, hope you enjoy it as much as I did (fascinating)

www.atlasobscura.com/articles/communal-sleeping-history-sharing-bed

Don’t do it!!
All cute at 15 months.
Not so cute further down the line.

I beg to differ.* My children both slept with me until they were 3 or 4 years old, and intermittently over the years when unsettled or not well. They are 11 & 14 now, and sleep in their own beds, but will still join me for a cuddle and chat either in the mornings, or when they have things on their minds.* (I’m up this late as the 14 yr old came through to talk about school stress and has not long taken herself off to her own bed)

Giving our children that level of security as tinies means they are not as disconnected in their teens.**

Bloody hell. Epic bold fail. Sorry! Bedtime for me

Splinterz that was really interesting, thank you!

I slept in a bed with one of my sisters until my parents could afford to buy us bunk beds. One of my best friends shared a bed with her beloved grandmother (who also lived in the rather crowded family home) until she left home as an adult. She remembers this with great fondness, as one of the perks of her pretty difficult childhood. A close relative of mine shared a bed with both her mother and her small niece until she left home to get married. All these arrangements were initially because of lack of space, but are not remembered as bad things to be overcome.