Punch on the nose - friendly??

[Sassenach85]

This is my first ever thread although I have been on mumsnet for years. My question is AIBU to be pissed off about this?

Started taking my DD age 4 to library, a big deal as she has suspected ASD and hates new places. Anyway the librarian there seemed nice but a bit over bearing. My DD doesn't like new people but we encourage her to try and talk her through it etc

The woman just doesn't stop pestering my DD and offering stickers and stuff, I know she means well and so we smile and try to be polite.

The things is, she keeps saying in a jokey way she will punch my DD in the nose 😳 I'm on the verge of saying wtf and then I don't. AIBU in thinking you can't say this to kids no matter how badly u want their attention or how bad your social skills are?

My little girl actually said no mummy I'm feeling shy! And hid. For her to articulate her feelings in that way is a big deal for her and it takes a lot for her to face new things.

Maybe this is a WWYD..... I don't know if it's a let that go the woman is trying.... or is it as rude and unnecessary as I think?

Goes a bit like:
Do you want a sticker?
Aw you can come and colour in?
No? Why don't I read u a book?

By which point my DD will say no thank you or mummy!!

And she goes oh ok how about a punch on the nose. 🤔

Wtf? Tell her to stay away from your child! And tell her if she threatens your child again then you’ll report her to the police!

Given that you know she keeps giving your daughter more attention than she wants, why not just let your daughter avoid her completely? It's not necessary to face up to every single difficult thing in life - it's fine to pick & choose, especially when you're young & finding things hard work.

Tell her to stay away from your child! And tell her if she threatens your child again then you’ll report her to the police

No - don't do this, it would come over as a massive over reaction and not achieve anything. You migth be banned from the library !

I agree the woman is being very pushy and innappropriate, but she probaby doesn't realise it - some people don;t really know how to behave around children.

I would just quietly say to her 'she'd rather be left alone, she doesn't want stickers thank you' and for the punch on the nose business ' 'Please don;t say that, she thinks you really mean it and you're scaring her'

Is it a specific children's time you are going to at the library ? I ask because the librarian might feel she has to forcibly interact with the children. Could you go at an ordinary time when she is busy annoying dealing with other customers and will leave you in peace ?

As soon as she asks something just say to the lady
"No thank you we are going to have some time to ourselves but we know where you are if we need anything. Thanks again" and walk away.
And make sure you are firm in delivery.
I hate when I am having one on one time with my daughter (which I don't feel she gets enough) and someone tags along.
People mean well but politely state you intentions of bonding time and walk away.

To the pp saying avoid her completely, it's a smallish library and she seeks us out and comes over repeatedly. It's not a specific child time as that in itself would be too much for DD to cope with.

I will def be saying something next time thanks for all of the suggestions about how to put it. It's been really helpful for me.

Did you say something to her OP?

Sounds like a wierd attempt at maybe making her laugh? In the same way that you might chase your child for fun saying 'i'm going to gobble you up!'

Or maybe that's just me

I would find it strange though

I might try and go in without my DC just in order to speak to the librarian in question so she's not party to the conversation or stressed out by it, and her manager, and say you appreciate she's trying to be kind and engaging but a. it's too in yer face and too much for your DD (you don't even need to explain why or if it's ASD-related because it's not actually relevant or her business) and b. you don't think that comments like (do you want a punch in the nose) are appropriate and you're informing her that DD was quite anxious about it the last time and you'd like her to a. back off, b. leave you to enjoy your library visit and c. don't ever use the term 'punch on the nose' or anything similar again.

Laugh then say something like..

I'm going to strangle you, you strange little librarian.... See if she smiles back!

But yes it's weird.

I've actually not been back for other reasons (busy etc). It does mean our books are a few days overdue so I will have to mix it up a bit 😂 Oi weirdo back off, btw sorry about these being late how much do I owe you 😬

A punch on the nose? If she says that to the wrong person she's going to end up with one back - but I'm guessing she only says this to defenseless kids.

I'm a librarian and WTAF? Tell her to stop saying that and tell her to back the fuck off. She should appreciate that not all children want to engage.

She might HAVE to offer stickers. For Bookstart or reading schemes. Just take her to one side and explain that your daughter is shy and doesn't want to engage and could she back off please?

Any chance you can go to a different library??