To think it's really hard to be a good teacher and good mum?

[Mammyloveswine]

Currently sat crying my eyes out as feel like I've neglected DS1 (22 months) today. We've been stuck in the house whilst I cleaned this morning, he's refused to nap so I'm trying to do my planning whilst he's pottering about (and CBeebies is on in the background).

I'm officially part time (0.7 contract) but have responsiblity for the planning and assessment of 2 year groups so have as much work outside of the classroom as my full-time colleagues, I just work a shorter day but still 5 days a week in school.

My DH works 12 hour days (including weekends) and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. I was expecting my parents at "lunchtime" so just rang to ask if they were on their way and would they mind taking DS1 to the park for an hour so I could get on uninterrupted. I was told "Oh no were busy and were off shopping now so it'll be late this afternoon we get to you now". I know they don't have to help and I do as much work as I can through the week when DH might have a day off or when DS sleeps but I just feel so tired and like I don't have enough time to be both a good teacher and a good mother. I get no time to myself at all and I'm just feeling fed up.

I'm not even sure what my aibu is.. I just feel close to breaking point.

Being a working parent is hard. The guilt is constant and there is just no room for down time.

Be kind to yourself
let your cleaning standards drop
order in some food
Go to bed with your DS and nap with him

and and

I teach in a semi open plan environment so hard to wing it plus I'm being observed next week... oh joy!

Also.. . Hats off to any working mum's or generally all mum's/primary caregivers.. am sure we all feel knackered and fed up st times!

Thanks everyone! Just had lunch with the little man so going to make some play dough together... can then use it in school this week too (ha that makes my job sound easy if that's all I need to do!)

I'd sack off the planning and head out for a bit with your little one. Get a coffee, let him run off some steam and you never know, he might nap for a bit when you get home. You sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and taking even a couple of hours breather will help.

I've just finished up for maternity leave - the last few weeks have been full on trying to juggle everything. The sense of relief when you finish up will be immense, no longer having to juggle work/home commitments - even with the addition of a newborn

Hugs to you. It is hard- trying to balance keeping the house, engaging with your child and tackling the mount of work that school assumes will get done but don’t actuallbyive any time for in work hours.

I have started to say no to things and look for a different career. It helps! Lots of things SLT absolutely NEED you to do this week aren’t all that important. Try apportioning the amount of time you are prepared to give outside school hours and anything that doesn’t get done can wait. I limit myself to two hours overtime a day and take one of DDs weekend naps off (I mark and plan in all the others) to spend sometime doing things I like. Could that work for you?

Listen, before the 'every job is hard, teachers aren't special, stop whingeing' crew pile in.... It's not you, it's the job. Teachers are leaving the profession in huge numbers, it's not bullshit, it's not hyperbole, it's happening. There is a thread right now about how a local school has 4 teachers leaving at xmas, look on any teaching forum, or the staffroom on here and you will see people talking about leaving the job behind, and people actually doing it.

It ishard being a parent and a teacher. It's so hard that many people are choosing to give up the latter, as obviously they can't give up the former! It's not you

I really sympathise and definitely think you should wing it a bit - you'll be off in a few weeks anyway and you must put your well-being first.

I'm f/t HoD in secondary in a core subject and the only way I come to close to coping is ex has them every Monday night and another night most weeks at some point too. The guilt is a constant nagging presence in my mind (as it is for plenty of women in other jobs too). Today dc are with ex and I haven't got nearly enough done as I'm still recovering from an infection, so it will be another late night, and tomorrow's lessons will be on the basic side. Pupils will be taught relevant stuff and I know my subject inside out, but it won't be all-singing, all-dancing and that will simply have to do. I can't afford to take a pay-cut as ex doesn't work really so everything is on me, but I (usually) love my job and am mindful that the dc won't need my time so much in a few short years so I wouldn't want to lose my career.

You can't be perfect and the school should not have over-loaded you as they have, so put yourself and ds first today.

Just sending sympathy. My husband has been at work all weekend and I’m desperate to get my planning done properly but also heavily pregnant with a toddler. Can’t start my leave early either so I’m in it until the bitter end with you.

Is there any way you can change how you’re planning? If you’ve ended up planning for things that you’re not even teaching then that’s not right at all. I’ve been asked to do loads of extra things this term (after school, before school, during lunchtime, extra work to do at home - obviously all unpaid) and I’ve said no to absolutely everything. It hasn’t made me popular but I really don’t care!

I'd be having a chat with my manager and union rep if I were you. Failing that, leave teaching. I completed part of a PGCE, quickly realised it would be a shit job, and returned to my previous career.

Thanks for all the comments... ds1 is currently having s whale of a time pulling all the books off the bookshelf and putting them back on.

When I returned from maternity leave last year I had a horrific time-a very difficult class with lots of behavioural issues and SEN plus no TA so this year has actually been "easier" in terms of day to day teaching, it's just all the added responsibility I've now got for leading two year groups.

Right going to use this time productively and at least try and get a few days worth of planning done!

Also polka-dot hugs to you! It's crap isn't it?

Loads of teachers have been posting in the staffroom section in the last few weeks about how they've had enough and are quitting, including one in a similar position on 0.7 but teaching all 5 days. It's shit.

Also, teaching while heavily pregnant is really hard. I'd be going back to SLT and saying that you are struggling with all the planning and need someone to take on some of it. If you get signed off early, that will drop them in it so it's in their interests to keep you in school until Christmas.

I’m a primary HT and parent of 3 Dc. It’s really hard work and you are doing a great job by both bits of your life I am sure. Teachers are notoriously perfectionist.

Plan for tomorrow. Low key bread and butter stuff. Talk to your HT tomorrow he/she has a duty of care to you and to your baby. Unless there is some very particular reason why are you planning for other people? Give them a very rough outline and tell them to crack on. Who’s going to do when you mat leave starts? No one probably so they can start doing it themselves.

Get a subscription to twinkl and Hamilton trust. Much sneered at but by god why reinvent the wheel? Perfect for when you are knackered and over worked. I buy full subs for my school. We don’t use it all the time and always tweak it when we do, but I need people to be healthy and happy to come into work.

And don’t worry about people who jump on the thread to say bought-in resources are rubbish. They’re perfectly fine with a bit of tweaking.

What is rubbish is teachers leaving after two years in the job because they can’t bear it. We aren’t a building bank of people with deep experience who can take education into the future and give schools consistency and stability. It’s such a shame.

I’ve done 25 years and I’m not sure if there’ll be teachers like me in the future. I know a lot because I’ve taught hundreds of children. It gives me confidence to resist all the barking mad things we are asked to do.

YANBU I haven’t gone back to full class teaching since I had DC.

I do small group work and cover and outside school I give precisely zero thought to any of it. No way could I fit in all the planning and marking for a full class.

My dd is a full time teacher, she tried pt when dc were very young but found it was almost as much work for less money. She managed because I had dc 3 days a week and cm had them for 2. Now they are at school I do 3 days after school, dsil does one and a friend does one. It would have been incredibly hard if I hadn’t been willing and able. Even now dd is often exhausted and has hours of work every evening and weekend. I feel for you op .

I’m on maternity leave at the moment with my first child. I won’t be as good a teacher when I go back, I have known that from the moment my child was born. They will be number 1, everything else fits in where (if) it can.

This would be the same if I was in any other job and my husband has also had a similar attitude since LO arrived (he isn’t a teacher). At the end of the day, no matter what you do, it’s just a job ...

WHY are you doing all the planning for 2 year groups though? Why aren’t the teachers doing their own planning?

It is really hard.

I think more teachers wing it than we probably know. There just isn’t enough hours in the day.

I am winging it tomorrow. I am not feeling well today. I am in secondary though so maybe easier to wing .

I feel for you though. It’s not easy.

I have been where you are and it is tough. It is one of the reasons I have liked being a sahp - not having to balance everything and feel like no one is getting the best of me.

My advice is to cancel your parent's visit - they sound like more of a hassle than a help and will just increase today's workload. Then take ds out for an hour and come back to the work. You will feel better for the break and having spent some time with your child.

I'm sorry but you can't just wing it next week - the kids deserve properly plsnned lessons, esp if they are GCSE or A level classes.
I also think people need to be a bit kinder.

I haven’t taught full time since DS1 was born 18 years ago. We’ve been skint, no foreign holidays blah blah but there’s no way I could be the best teacher I can and the best mother/wife too. I’ve a chronic health condition just to throw into the mix. Currently I’m doing learning support 0.8 and that’s doing my health and sanity in so it looks like I’m going to have to reduce hours and change schools. I’m not sure where it’s going to end but teaching is in crisis.

Yanbu op and hats off to you. Don’t listen to all the negative stuff. I’m a teacher but now tutor for reasons you describe.

I sympathize, although I'm not a teacher, I have a lot of friends who are and they really struggle too. You don't want to let any children down.

However, I work 4 days and don't have to bring my work home with me and I still get fuck all time to myself, so I doubt that would change much for you even if you weren't in teaching.

I think l both parents working full time is tough regardless of profession. I certainly feel like I'm struggling as a nurse to be a good parent.

However I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be in professions, like teaching, where you are expected to bring work home. It's a small mercy that my trust vetoed the suggestion for all nurses to get laptops so we could catch up on paperwork at home. I take my hat off to you and all other teachers or similar that are having to try to find time at home to do work.

As a soon to be ex teacher...i would argue that its near impossible just to wing it. This is because management expect so much.

YANBU. It is hard.

I work full time in a boarding school and am a single mum to 3 children. I frequently find myself saying things like, 'leave me alone, I'll be your mum when the holidays start!'

Having said that, I think it's easier to be a good mum and a good teacher than it would be to be a good mum and a good anything else. At least we get the holidays and child care isn't an issue.

I try and think about how hard things would be in a different career when I'm getting really stressed out.