AIBU to let my OH know I have fallen in love?

[speakout]

Should I tell him or maybe he knows. We have been together 21 years.
Life has never been better. He is no longer that slightly irresponsible fun loving guy I once knew.
He is a mature, caring, amazing partner and father.
Maybe I'll just keep the whole thing to myself.

I don't want him to feel too flattered.

Lovely but does it really take 2 decades to fall in love. I would omit that bit and say you love him more than ever, which is technically true

Ah that's lovely. I'm so lucky mine has got better with age too. I basically fell in lust with a beautiful, irresponsible, slightly selfish boy. And I was fantastically fortunate that he grew up into a really kind and decent man.

I tell my kids all the time how important it is to choose someone decent as a partner (my sister had a nightmare marriage) but in reality I didn't do that at all.

That's lovely, OP. I know just what you mean.

Ignore the bitchplopper.

I fall in and out of love with dh sometimes he annoys the hell out of me but sometimes I look at him and feel a big rush of love for him

That is really lovely but agree with others - if not phrased carefully he might take offence!

I recently told my DH that I don't believe we are soulmates because I don't feel we are "just meant to be together" - I believe that we have fallen in love with each other despite that and make conscious loving decisions to be together and stay together rather than leaving it down to fate. I thought that in a way that's more romantic...he just heard "I don't think we are soulmates"

I didnt take the OP to meant she hadnt been in love for the last 21 years, but I know with my dp Ive fallen in love with him all over again many times. Still loved him in between, but, i dunno, it makes sense to me.

I have always loved him, and in the early days it was a "love affair", but with kids and pressures and all that jazz feelings ebb and flow.
But just in the past year or two we have had some fortunate things happen- my business success, his promotions at work, nice new home,and see each other with new eyes. I can see that despite our faults we are really good for each other on so many levels.

I won't mention any of this to him, except treat him a little better , which I notice he does for me too- so I suspect the feelings are mutual. We have always been caring towards each other, but I notice in the past few months he is treating me like a goddess.

I find loving my DH comes and goes, at the moment I am but 3 years ago I didn't. I still like him when we go through a not phase so it's not a lover hate situation. I assume it's normal to feel like this. Next year is our 30th wedding anniversary

goose1964 exactly.
Same here.

Although I have always been committed to my OH my love for him has ebbed and flowed over the years.

I too thought this was normal.

Aww, that's just lovely.

DP has improved with age, too. We were an item for a year or so back in the 80s, but he had some twattish behaviours and I dumped him in a massive fit of exasperation.

He then got together with my friend, they were together for nearly 20 years and had a child together. We all stayed good friends. Three years after they split, DP and I had a holiday together, just as friends, and it was the best, most chilled and most fun holiday I've ever had. Four months later, he told me he loved me and we've been together ever since.

I know soul mates are bit yuck, but we are like two halves of the same whole.

lakie- that's a lovely story.

People love others for all sorts of reasons.

For me one was that I love myself more when I am with my OH.

I had a long term relationship with a man before my OH, through my ex's eyes I saw myself as possessive, immature, unsociable and weak. I thought that was me.

With my OH I don't see myself like that at all. I feel powerful, caring, witty.