can't believe my own mother has just said this!

[willothewisp17]

I'll try not to go on too much here and only give a little back story. DD was born at 30+6 weeks and had an 8 week hospital stay before she got home. I coped well with her in the hospital for the most part (few dark moments) and when she finally came home I was so so happy. but I started to get obsessive over feeds, weight gain, every little sneeze and had a ton of anxiety symptoms that I would not see about because it felt so ridiculous to be unhappy after I had waited so long for her.

last couple of weeks it's came to a head and I made an appointment with my GP who prescribed me citalopram .

my mother has just informed me that I don't need to be on medication, a good slap and being told to calm down would work perfectly fine.

aibu to think that's an awful thing to say to me?

[CycleHire]

Loads of good advice here. But just to pick up on this “I often feel my daughter would be so much better without me, as what good is a tense, tearful mother?” She’s in the right place with you. I promise. You’re taking care of her. You’re doing the right thing getting help. She won’t remember this. If you’re worried about how you feel about her (you haven’t mentioned this but it was something I worried about with my eldest) it’s my experience that love grows. It wasn’t there in a massive rush when they were born but I love my children completely now.

[TiredMumToTwo]

I do think you should go to your GP to discuss how you are feeling. I was similar with my first baby who was in hospital for three months and had a number of operations before I was able to take him home. Once I got home with him, the stress and pressure of “keeping him well” got too much & eventually was diagnosed with depression by GP. Seeking help was the best thing I ever did.

[Booie09]

Ask your mother has she ever been in mcdonalds and seen a 5 year old drinking aptimal? I bet you can guess the answer!!! People say stupid things. Good for you for getting help x

[Leilaniii]

Maybe she's anxious about you being on antidepressants. It's a generational thing, like telling you to 'pull yourself together' and 'get on with it'. Maybe she thinks she's trying to help. Don't be too hard on her, would be my advice.

[speakout]

Mothers are a genetic occurrence.

If we are lucky it works out well.

When my husband died my mother went to pieces. She "doesn't like death in the family".
I had to attend to her needs, make tea for the constant stream of visitors she had - flapping around her.

[Iris65]

My mum is the same. I built up the courage to speak to my sil about how bad I felt. She spoke to my mum who came round and said ‘and what’s all this bloody nonsense about driving into walls? Stop being so bloody stupid’

I don't need to be on medication, a good slap and being told to calm down would work perfectly fine.

My sister (an ex psychiatric nurse) said similar things to me when I was seriously depressed. I thank god that she is not working as an RMN anymore.

OP, your mother is emotionally abusive and I hope that you find a way of managing your relationship with her. What you need is kindness not this sort of cruelty.

[Slartybartfast]

op can you manage without your mother's help?
perhaps you should try, one day at a time, it may help you gain confidence.
tell her how upset she made you feel with that comment. I am sure she has your best interests at heart.

[HashiAsLarry]

and also, a big thing here, my mother had awful post natal depression when she had me (although I don't think it was recognised). it was so bad that my grandmother took care of me for a few months.
The distress at not being able to touch her, the upset at how well you've seem to have been doing, the validation from the GP that you may need nothing more than some pills to help ease you, the undermining and controlling over who knows what information. I wonder if your mother is angling to look after your DD in the same way.

[allthegoodusernameshavegone]

Stay on the pills for now, you will feel better. Whatever you do don’t just stop taking them. Oh and stay clear of your Mum, although she may be easier to handle when your feeling better.

[ThinkOfAWittyNameLater]

My first baby was born at 41+2. For nearly 2 YEARS I recorded every feed, every nappy, every sleep. In part it was to try and spot patterns that I was too sleep deprived to notice but it was also very calming as it completed the day somehow.

Your mother is being a dick. She seems to have missed the part where you became a grown up. She has no business knowing anything about your health and conversations with your doctor that you don’t freely wish to discuss with her.

Let the tablets start working (I had them years ago and found them so helpful) and then review how much time she’s in your house with you. It may be confusing the boundaries of your relationship.

You are in control of your life. You are not a child. You don’t need her permission or her blessing.

Like pp said, practice some responses and repeat.

[ElsieMc]

What your mother really means is that she wants you all happy and smiley so you can allow her to be a happy grandmother and not inconvenience her in any way, shape or form whereby she has to offer some of her time. She wants you to sort yourself out in her words so matters are what she considers normal.

I second BeAlert's comments. Ask her if she meant to be so unfeeling. However, I guess the response will be to act offended and leave, leaving you in a worse state. Be prepared for this, she doesn't care about your feelings, and do it.

[FloraPostIt]

You are very brave and awesome and your DD is very lucky to have you

[PumpkinSquash]

my mother has just informed me that I don't need to be on medication, a good slap and being told to calm down would work perfectly fine.

Whaaaatttt?! Sorry, not laughing at you, just at the sheer ridiculousness of your mother!
Yeah, 'cos that works just fine for anyone suffering from anxiety! Nothing a good slap and being told to calm down won't fix.
That's be more likely to make anxiety worse, daft mare.
On a par to telling a depressed person a joke and expecting them to immediately be cured and not depressed any more!

[Ausparent]

I can't imagine how stressful it must be for all the mothers who have to leave the care of their newborns in the hands of others in those first few weeks. My two were both very healthy, at term and came home with me from the hospital and it was still scary.

Very often with stress, you push through the immediate period and then it hits you later which seems to make sense in your case.

You do whatever works for you and your dc.

My favourite bit of parenting advice came from my mum and was "ignore all the advice unless it matches what you were going to do anyway" obviously not medical or specialist advice but it works for just about everything else!