Very true and very hilarious

[Allabitmuchisntit]

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All my shopping trips start with half-an-hour in Ikea's restaurant. I don't care that it costs a whole £1.50 for a bacon roll, a cinnamon bun and a cup of coffee. I deserve the extravagance!

Bliss!

I dream of a toilet 'holiday' 🤣

Kids are older but work is long hours and v stressful, i actually said as we sat down to a training session the other day i had been looking forward to it all day for a rest!! Sad or what.

I remember when ds was about 11 months old and I had to have a wisdom tooth removed. We were in the middle of moving house. Dp was working away mon to fri at the time. Dd was 9 and no bother but very jealous of her little brother.

I didn't need the sedation but was very, very tempted. Especially when they explained I would be at the hospital from 8am and might not be done until late afternoon. It was only because ds was still bfeeding I opted for the local.

Afterwards they told me to sit down in the waiting area for 10 mins to recover. I did. Then sat half an hour in the main hospital reception just people watching.

I am sure that I looked a bit odd, drooling blood tinted saliva with a lopsided face watching everyone pass with a sleepy expression.

Dh has always had toilet holidays. Dd 9 gets confused if I occasionally lock the door for a sh*t or shower.

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/father-of-small-children-mysteriously-takes-45-minutes-in-bathroom-at-weekends-20171026138060

My dc are teens now and don’t feel the need to accompany me to the bathroom. The cat however is a different story. So all in all it’s been 19 years since I had a shower or shit with the bathroom door firmly shut.

I'm reading this as I sit with a napping toddler in a supermarket carpark. About 25 mins in and it is almost as good as being here alone

I once had a week to myself, five whole school days. Kids back at school after a bloody long summer holiday, in Chile they get twelve weeks off, and DH away on business.

It was bliss 😁

Oooh yes, I had to have an MRI scan on my shoulder. Heaven. I was sorry when it ended and I had to stop lying down with no one asking me to play play doh

A couple of Sunday's ago (yes I know a Sunday!) I had an hour in the hygienist chair for below the gum line cleaning. Half way through he asked if I was okay. "Yes, yes" I reply "this is practically like being at a spa, feet up, no pestering". So he put on some classical music. It was bliss

Sometimes I sit in the kitchen with the door closed and tell my husband and kids not to come in because there's hot pans of water about when really I'm just sat on the work top eating a bar of chocolate!

"'Father of two takes unscheduled holiday on toilet'."

But you just send the kids in?

'leisure poo' in that Daily Mash article

I had sepsis earlier this year. Prior to being admitted to hospital I’d been feeling crap but unable to rest for about a week. After the first 24 hrs in hospital (when I really was very ill and just sleeping), it actually felt like a lovely (if low budget) holiday. I was on a bay with very quiet patients, the staff were utterly lovely (though extremely harassed), my family left food for me and the hospital had free Wi-fi.

Getting good ideas here!

I take toilet holidays all the time and blame it on my IBS

My GP kept me waiting for almost 1.5 hrs a few weeks ago because of emergencies. He was most surprised when I thanked him and said it was nice to put my feet up for a bit.

I was recently in Tesco with my 2 (3yo and 6mo), buying a couple of things. Joined the queue behind a woman doing a substantial shop.

She offered to let me go ahead of her as I'd be much faster. I sheepishly explained that I'd joined this queue on purpose so I could just stand there for a bit longer in peace (kids both happily people-watching in silence).

She just nodded sagely and said "Yeah... I've been there".

Got my mum to baby sit for a dentist appointment.
Needed a filling so I was asked if I minded waiting half an hour or so as the dentist had a gap to fit me in or did I want to come back another time?
I elected to wait. Half an hour playing boggle on my phone without constant interruption? Yes please.
Oh, and mummy had to have an operation on her tooth and is feeling poorly so let's watch a movie and be quiet, yes?
The half paralyzed mouth made them think it was a lot more serious than it actually was. I may have made the LA appear to last longer than it did.

I do the car one, 40 seconds of bliss!

DD does gymnastics for 2 hours every Sunday. DH believes that I don’t come home because the drive is too much hassle (20 mins). Nope.
Me, kindle, coffee. Bliss.

I went for my smear a few weeks ago. They had the most recent edition of Grazia in the waiting room. It was lovely.
The best bit of my recent birthday was when DH took the DC out to buy my birthday cards and I got an hour at home on a Saturday when I watched Dr Foster... whilst doing the ironing.

I turn up an hour early to collect my daughter from school, to nab the best car parking space. I spend that time just reading magazines and eating nice things. No interruptions, and I justify that I couldn't feasibly be better spending this time on another load of laundry/vacuuming/tidying because leaving later may mean getting caught in the traffic.