Aibu to keep and eye on my toddler and interact with him at toddler group?

[pullonyourjudgypants]

I go to a couple of toddler groups a week with my 1 year old. There are lots of ages there, but a good 5-6 other regulars his same sort of age. Apart from one parent of a 2 year old, the other parents/ childminders/ Gany’s sit at the side and talk. They just completely ignore their Dcs for the whole time. Even at the end during songs.

Am I doing something wrong to follow my DC around? He can be a bit wavy with his hands and I like to be there in case he looks like he’s hitting (and to tell him no) But I also like to interact with him. Not the whole the time, I let him pick what to play with etc

Am I doing something wrong ? Too PFB ? Too helicopter ? Should he just free play at 1yrs.

I’m so surprised how others lets their DCs climb up the slides or on chairs etc and take notice until they are screaming in pain after falling off?

Is there an unwritten code to toddler groups I don’t know of ?

I think it's fine to chat if your child can play a bit on their own but only if you're watching them too, to intervene if necessary. Children do need to learn to play without their parents to help, but the emphasis being on 'learn' - so they might still need some input either to play nicely with others or to access a toy or equipment properly.

It's the ones that talk and don't even look to see if their kid is whacking another that annoy me.

I can understand feeling self conscious though. If everyone else is sitting at the edges and you're in the middle of it with your toddler, it must feel like all eyes on you. So that's a bit awkward.

Ah yes hippymum wants to know the Provence of your baby food.hers is fair trade handmade by an artisan. Hippymom doesn’t believe in no,it like impedes the spirit.wont say no or stop to her wilful child
CompetitiveMum, she’ll let you know her baby extended repotoire, boast of their verbal fluency(at 3mths).She’s already identified school to attend, baby on solids at 2months,potty trained already. She’ll out compete you on anything
NaturalBirthMum she had her baby chanting and doing ashtanga yoga.she judges the weaklings who succumbed to analgesia. Cooked her placenta and eat it in a purée served with mung beans. Hemp nappies and garish rainbow coloured organic baby clothing

There’s some unnecessarily rude replies here, the OP has made it clear she’s asking the question so she can adjust what she’s doing if need be!

All eyes will inevitably be on you,if you are in middle, whilst all other adult sitting on periphery
Maybe don’t follow the child around,keep kid safe without immediately adjacent

In my experience, the most common type is NervousFirstTimeMum who worries if she and her child are going to make friends, if she is doing it right and if others judge. She also feels a bit awkward because this is the first time she is bellowing out "the wheels on the bus" whilst doing the movements since she was about 3 years old, so she feels slightly ridiculous. Everyone else seems to take this parenting thing in their stride.

Wow, what is with the unpleasant replies! some people seem to just be looking to be offended!

As others have said, it really depends, and also depends why you're going. Is it for you (social) or more for her? Do you have lots of time with her already?

Personally I don't play with dd and just let her get on with it, but equally I do stay close so I can intervene if there is any poking/hitting etc, as there often is at these places. Especially where there are different ages there, as there's a power imbalance. But I don't think even 2 year olds should just be left to it.

That said, I don't intervene over every little thing (toy disputes etc) and I do think there is benefit to children having those interactions without adult direction. imo the ideal situation for a toddler is to be close enough to be able to hear and see what's going on and block any hitting but standing back enough to let them have their own interactions. Freedom within boundaries.

I'm sure I've been judged for following dd round AND for not intervening enough, so you can't win. Just do you.

At our playgroup almost all the younger children sit with parents for songs. Dd now going off to sit at the front with the older children at 2, but that was her choice and happened organically. Plenty of older children still sit with parents.

I used to just leave mine to play at toddler group and sit and chat. It wasn't that I was 'lonely' as you say but that it was an hour or two where I enjoyed sitting and chatting.

I spent a lot of time at home/other places 'interacting' with my DC and baby groups were probably one of the few times I was off duty for a bit.

If you enjoy playing with your DS more than having a chat then that's completely fine too. You do sound a bit judgy though of other people who aren't playing with their kids.

I can watch my toddler while also drinking tea and chatting. Must be a great multi-tasker!
I agree.. toddler groups are to help them develop independence. Not to be hovered over constantly by mum

@paxillin That’s me !!! I am obviously also putmyfootinmum who has a knack of saying the wrong thing.

"Just want to know if I should leave him to it more and not worry so much about his lack of boundaries with his hands. I want to do the right thing."

It's all about being the right parent for him, isn't it, not for any of the other toddlers you might meet.

When my eldest was a toddler I usually kept quite close as I knew she wasn't very physically capable (later diagnosed with disabling condition) or indeed very reliable as to behaviour. The only time I did let myself be persuaded against my better judgment to let her climb on equipment unaided she ended up unconscious in hospital. The thing is, the parent who persuaded me would have been absolutely right if it had been about her daughter. We both forgot that.

With my second, I usually let him get on with it, partly because he was far more capable, partly because he actually didn't enjoy having me breathing down his neck all the time. At the toddler group I attended at that stage, there was a mother who was very into toddler interaction, insisted on sitting on the floor and engaging with her little boy all the time while the rest of us was sinking back into chairs with a coffee- and she made it very clear that she judged the rest of us.

I used to follow DS1 around. Mainly because no-one spoke to me and i felt embarrassed sitting by myself.

I wish I'd stopped going but i felt I should for him.

I had friends with babies when i took DS2 so say chatting happily and leaving ds2 to his own devices.

Both boys are fine a decade on.

I have a 2year old hitter. I unfortunately need to hover over him so that I can intercept his happy slappy hands!