To visit family but not stay in their house?

[TiredMumToTwo]

We go to visit PILs every year around Christmas for three or four days, they live four hours away so don’t see them very often.

They live by the beach and in the countryside so we spend a lot of time outdoors, on walks etc.

We have two dogs who are not welcome at the PIL’s as FIL is a complete neat freak & actually follows people round the house with a mini hoover as he’s so anal.

Every time we go there, I resent having to leave the dogs as they’d love the beach, long walks etc but I’ve sucked it up for the last three years.

This year, DH and I are going away together before we go to PIL’s so dogs would have to be with dog walker or in kennels for a week and a half in total.

AIBU to want to book a small cottage near by which is dog friendly so that we can take the pooches but not inconvenience PIL with them in his house? DH thinks PIL’s will be offended we don’t want to stay in their house?

Sounds like the perfect solution!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, but would think carefully about what you will do with the dogs if you were intending to be at PIL's for a long period of time in one go.

Honestly Nobody loves having guests for 3 or 4 nights.

Speak for yourself!!!
We've had guests with us for 2 months, it was only meant to be for 3 weeks. We are enjoying their company.
We have relatives staying with us for a month at a time, I never want them to go back, I love having the family around.

I definitely would, if they don't like it after you explain your reasons nicely, then that really is their problem

Do it. I never stay with my step mum when we visit. She has a lot of animals and dh can't bear it. ( Cat fur, smell etc - I don't notice as I was brought up there) She would feel crowded if we were there for more than a few hours at a time ( she'd never say so, but I know she would) Best solution all round us get somewhere you can bring your dog's.

Blame the dogs - tell the pil you can’t get them into the kennel and therefore suggest this as the best solution
Yanbu- sounds like a perfect solution

YANBU. We don’t have dogs but I really don’t like staying in other people’s houses so we always get a hotel. My entire family think this is the height of rudeness though it makes us quite unpopular

I'd tell them I couldn't get a kennel, all booked up. Aw. Gotta get a cottage.

Go for it.

I'm absolutely delighted because this Christmas I'll be staying in the premier inn rather than on a mattress on the living room floor.

DH and DS will probably end up staying at our relatives house and that's great as that's what they prefer, but I'm just of an age where i need a bed to sleep on and a bit of privacy.

I'm sure they'll be fine about it and better you spend your money on a nice holiday hideaway rather than kennels.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but PILs might indeed be upset that you won't be staying at the house. They are bound to think you're putting the dogs above them. Which you are, a bit, but I don't have a problem with that —I wouldn't want to leave my dogs for a week and a half either!

Obviously it would be better to not schedule a full week's holiday just before you're expected there for Christmas. But since it worked out that way, I would get the cottage and take the dogs. Who knows, maybe the PILs will like this better! And if they don't, it can be back to the usual next year.

Isn’t it interesting that so many of us (and I include myself in this) are unable to just have an honest conversation with our nearest and dearest about what we want/need because everyone is so desperate not to cause offence. Of course it makes sense for you to rent somewhere you can bring your dogs; you resent having to leave them, your in laws can’t accommodate them so it would seem to be a very pragmatic solution to stay elsewhere with the added bonus of giving everyone a bit of space.

You are rarely if ever allow to leave dogs alone in holiday cottage .

We took our dog to a rented cottage over the summer and left her alone in it several times. There was no issue and the owners lived nearby so could see we were going in and out at times without her.

Nobody loves having guests for 3 or 4 nights.

Um, I think you’ll find quite a lot of people do actually.

Sounds perfect to me and you don’t need their permission to do this. Just explain with a smile that this is the solution that works for your family. Do, however, invite them to you for a meal at some point, maybe brunch and a lovely walk so they can see you are not being aloof.

It seems perfectly reasonable to me. But beware they may not see it that way. My MIL has made it very clear she finds it humiliating when we don't stay with her and this year packed up and went off when we arrived. So we're not doing that again....

I stay in a hotel when I visit my brother.

DH and I always stay in a hotel when we visit my parents. So much more relaxing.

Sounds ideal

We do this, the alternative is a mattress on PILs living room floor, which I'm not prepared to do at Christmas (we do it other times we visit), plus I like/need my own space.

Nothing against PILs, but this is what suits us. I imagine MIL in particular can't understand why, but she's not the sort to complain, especially as it means we're there for a week instead of a couple of nights.