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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my child IS special

90 replies

Prusik · 11/11/2017 04:57

It's nearly 5am and I can't bloody sleep as DS woke me and I'm feeling too poorly to settle back down so thought I'd try to come up with a goady title. That's the best I've got, sorry

Not really a TAAT but I'm just musing.

Time and time again on MN, you hear posters being ripped apart for thinking their kid has a talent, eg reading early, or the sneering at a parent being PFB with their child.

I think DS is amazing. His development is fascinating and I love watching him grow. But every kid is fascinating. Texts from a friend saying their kid has just said "cow" for the first time is lovely. Their baby is aquiring language. What is more exciting than that?

DS has just learned to clap. It's incredible. Yes, just as incredible as any other baby that learns to clap but still...

I guess I'm just feeling the awe at these little babies learning to do things we take for granted. Not just my baby, but all of my friends babies too.

feel free to fill this thread with dull yet amazing little achievements your child has made! Or rip me to pieces. I'm slightly to sleep deprived to care

OP posts:

insancerre · 11/11/2017 09:16

This thread is why I work in early years
Yes, it's hard work, more stress than I can handle at times, undervalued as a career choice and massively underpaid, but I do think every child is special. And I want every child to feel special and I want every parent to feel that their child is unique and wonderful

dontbesillyhenry · 11/11/2017 09:20

I came on here ready to brand you 'one of those mums' and give you a flea in your ear. But alas what is this water dripping from my eyes? 😻😻😻

ejk10 · 11/11/2017 09:22

I agree - sometimes it’s the things that seem so insignificant to others that are a major achievement for the child. My daughter is 16 and has her first professional dance position this Christmas dancing in a professional, very well respected, pantomime which she had to audition for with lots of other girls. Yes, I am very proud of this, but I’m actually prouder that she gets to the theatre for rehearsal on her own using bus and train as she has severe anxiety (is under CAMHS) and has never been able to use public transport on her own before!!

TheFallenMadonna · 11/11/2017 09:22

It's why I work in secondary Alternative Provision! Somewhat harder for lots of people to see the wonderfulness of a highly challenging teenager. It's there though.

cantkeepawayforever · 11/11/2017 09:24

My 16 year old has friends. Whole gangs of proper friends, who he hangs out with, has been camping with, spends HOURS on his phone with, hangs around at the end of every activity with, spends lunchtime on the squashy sofas in sixth form with, goes busking with.

He also often plays very high level music with them and others, but that's not what makes me happy.

At 6, he was a selective mute who everyone assumed would be diagnosed with autism due to the number of 'autistic trait' boxes he ticked on all the preliminary checklists. His first headteacher, when he left that school in the middle of Year 1, told me she thought he would never attend mainstream school again.

Doubletrouble42 · 11/11/2017 09:24

I love this thread. My 11 month old dd ( a twin) has just started clapping! She's really good at it, I think she may be musically gifted her sister is trying to walk and I think she may be a genius

PinkSquash · 11/11/2017 09:29

DS1 is finally undergoing tests for dyspraxia and autism, I'm so proud of him for coping with such a huge change in routine by going into senior school and he is thriving with the support they give. He's a wonderful boy and I'm so so proud of him for coping so well even when I know he is struggling

Floralnomad · 11/11/2017 09:31

Both of mine are special , my eldest ( mid 20s ) has given up 2 evenings this week to sell poppies in our local Tesco after work and my younger one who has multiple issues has eaten a gammon steak in a restaurant this week , major achievement !

ArcheryAnnie · 11/11/2017 09:32

My DS is now a teenager, but I vividly remember when he was tiny. He was a bit premature (on purpose, to avoid a particular medical problem) and I remember thinking, as this tiny thing lay in my arms in the first few days, that he was more animal than human (I know humans ARE animals, but you know what I mean). I had this vast, vast love for something which had at that point less cognitive capability than a rabbit. It's amazing to feel that, and then to be faced with this giant smelly human now, whose maths homework I don't understand at all.

EB123 · 11/11/2017 09:33

I absolutely love watching children develop. I have always been interested in child development (studied it from GSCE until degree level) and of course when it is your own child is even more amazing. I have always been so proud of my children no matter if they did something early, average or late.

My youngest is 19 months and I love the new words he comes out with each day and the things he understands. It's amazing.

becotide · 11/11/2017 09:41

Of course your child is special, they are truly amazing at that age

juddyrockingcloggs · 11/11/2017 09:47

My son is 6. Obviously he is the most beautiful child on the planet!

In reception (last year) he was subjected to bullying by around 5 kids in his class. It knocked his confidence and he never stood up to the kids or ‘made a scene’. He once told me that ‘he deserved it’. The bullying has been dealt with and he appears to be gaining confidence daily.

We’re now in year one and the other day a Mum came up to me at pick up time and told me that her boy had experienced some bullying the day before (incidentally by one of my sons bully’s) and she told me that my son had stood up to them on behalf of her boy, stopped them pushing him over and made sure he was okay.

That, for me, was amazing and I am so so proud of him and obviously he is now, in my mind, going to be some future UN ambassador or peace envoy or something important!

EvieBlack · 11/11/2017 09:48

It’s an evolution thing. We’re programmed to find everything about our babies enchanting; from adorable little farts to learning to walk it’s all endlessly fascinating and worthy of awe.

It has to be like that because so much of parenting makes you want to scream and throw things.

TabbyMumz · 11/11/2017 09:51

Everyone's child is special, but no one's child is more special than anyone elses. There is a particular Mum at our school who constantly tweets the school with just how special her child is....so annoying. The school seems taken in by it and tweets everyone. So we all have to be reminded constantly just how special and amazing her child is.

manicinsomniac · 11/11/2017 09:53

Actually, I'd be very reluctant to refer to my own children as 'special'.

'Amazing', 'wonderful' etc are very different and I have no problem with those words because there's no limiting factor on them. Any and every child can be amazing.

But 'special' suggests difference, privilege and/or a value that is higher than others. Individual children are only 'special' to their own families; nobody else values them more highly than they do other children.

Eg - I would say my whole class are wonderful - but none of them are special.

claraschu · 11/11/2017 09:54

Priam you misunderstood me. I am not saying that my child is better than any other child, just that being a parent is like being in love, not rational.

youarenotkiddingme · 11/11/2017 10:02

Great thread.

My ds has ASD. This causes anxiety and difficulties in social communication. 15 months ago he wanted hang himself when his - then - school failed him most appallingly.

Last year he joined a swimming club. Not easy for someone anxious to compete and he has muscular problems meaning it's harder for him.

A year on he's competing monthly in galas and gaining personal best times month on month. He's able to manage being poolside with his peers, tolerate the noise and interact with them.

That is extremely special to me. He IS amazing because it's all things others his age find easy and he's had to work hard to get there.

Neverender · 11/11/2017 10:05

DD can wind the bobbin up - sooooo cute!

Neverender · 11/11/2017 10:05

I agree - it’s definitely far from rational but she’s amazing!

mikeyssister · 11/11/2017 10:10

@JWrecks that's the moment I remember, when they discover their hands. The look of awe on their faces when they realise they own and can control this things that just flap around in front of their eyes is phenomenal.

Rudi44 · 11/11/2017 10:12

My 11 yr old DD is a swimmer, a great one but certainly not the best in her club or for her age but when I watch her at a swim meet where she signs up for races in strokes she is less keen on just to push herself and I see her in the blocks next to girls a foot taller her braveness takes my breath away. I am far more proud of her resilience and sportswoman-ship than any if her swim times.

Originalfoogirl · 11/11/2017 10:16

Yes, EVERY child. That means the child with severe Cerebral palsy and the child with MND or Down Syndrome. These children all have their own goals and achievements as do children who do not.

Yes, very much so. Our girl has CP and although academically she is very bright (according to everyone else who tells us this) her gross motor skills are way less than they should be. I rejoiced at two and a half when she finally crawled. That was a big Facebook boast. Then at 3 and a half took steps in her walker. She’s 8 now and just mastered walking with sticks, walking up the stairs. Every one of these is an exceptional achievement for a child who was never going to walk, according to her medical team. She is amazing, and so many folk on FB who follow her progress rejoice along with us. Do I think she is more amazing than any of her peers? Nope, her struggles are just different. Every one of her friends are fabulous in their own way.

I will throw in the fact I don’t like the word “special” because of the horrible way it has been used (and still is) around folks with disabilities.

Summerswallow · 11/11/2017 10:16

Awww, one of the nicest things about being a parent is seeing the specialness of your children. I've two, who are special in different ways, and even though they are older and beyond the 'cute' stage, I love to see their great qualities shine out. One of mine is very thoughtful and mature, just way beyond her years, and I think she'll use this insightful talent to help others, my other is so sociable and kind, she just attracts friends like a magnet. Both are funny and enjoyable to spend time with (not that we don't have our teenage ups and downs too).

I do honestly get a tiny bit teary every now and again at their loveliness. Shortly followed by 'muuuuuum, can you get my...find my....get me a...' and it wears off. It's just an inner pride that is the basis of a strong relationship I guess, even if you don't always like their behaviour at all times.

GherkinSnatch · 11/11/2017 10:17

Meh, it's easy to view your own PFB through love goggles. Your own child is special to you. That's not to say your child won't have their own unique accomplishments or talents, but they're hugely unlikely to mean anything to anyone outside of your family circle.

Bluntness100 · 11/11/2017 10:23

It never changes, that amazement and pride. My daughter is twenty, she’s in the final year of her law degree. She’s home for the weekend, sitting on the sofa opposite me and writing up some pro bono advice for work she does on top of her degree whilst I quietly mumsnet on the other sofa.

I still get the wow moments.

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