Is this normal?

[WinchesterWars]

My husband and I aren’t getting on so well lately. I have a problem with the way he speaks to me at times -he says all married couples are like this and if I asked other people they’d agree with him.
The latest thing happened tonight. We were watching TV and he said he was thirsty. I said the programme only had 10 minutes to go. He asked why I had a problem with him getting a drink. I said I didn’t, that I was pointing out how little time was left in case he hadn’t realised. He said if he wanted a drink he would get one and I couldn’t stop him.
I was honestly gobsmacked and I tried to explain again but he wasn’t having any of it. It was obvious I was upset. I said it was unbelievable how he was behaving and came upstairs and got three texts from him:

• No, you are unbelievable. That should not have been an issue. I can't believe you've abandoned me over that.
• "I just need to grab a drink." "OK."
• That would have been the normal way to do it. No drama, no argument and certainly no abandoning your spouse.

His latest apology flowers are still fresh on the mantelpiece. Last weekend was ruined when he apologised for spilling coffee on a book I’d left out. I said Ok as I was trying to mop it up and he said “I think the correct response is ‘don’t worry about it, it’s fine’. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Is it me? Or are all marriages like this?

I really don't understand this.

( Did he tell you he was thirsty as he wanted you to get him a drink? )

The 10 minutes remark is very odd. He can get a drink whenever he wants, so no idea why you would say that, especially when you can pause the tv.

Having said that; he over reacted. Do you boss him around at all and he's feeling sensitive?

Sounds like you are both unreasonable. Him going for a drink shouldn't have warranted a comment as it does sound as if you wanted him to wait, which isn't reasonable. There could also be a lot of tone and body language cues in play on both your parts which would put a whole different light on any comments.

Don't understand why people are criticising you saying there was 10 mins left. If my husband had said that I'd just have replied 'I know but I'm going to grab a drink now'. No drama. I don't think you did anything wrong, I don't think you have to watch what you say to him. But he sounds unpleasant, and I don't think you're going to be able to get it right for him..

As PPs have said, without hearing the tones of your voices it's hard to judge. And I'm not clear who he thought should be getting the drinks.

So because I don't think I can comment on that, I'd gently suggest it's not really about the drink, is it.

Of course if he's trying to control you then that's not a good thing and needs to stop/be stopped.
However, if you're both a bit a loggerheads at the moment, then I'd suggest you need to do a on your relationship and start again.
Firstly, you can't change the words that come out of his mouth, so stop trying to.
What you can control are the words that come out of yours AND how you react to what he says and does.

Why not try being nice to him for a while? Notice and thank him for things he does. Make comments about the qualities he has which you like. Say if you think he looks nice, etc.
See if by giving niceness out, you get more of it back?

Try not to get riled or annoyed by what he says or does, and see if that defuses things a little.

If not, then maybe review again.

Good luck.

I think there's more to this OP. Reading between the lines, in all honesty, do you think you were just a big a part in making this an issue? The 10 min remark perhaps is a bit odd and I don't feel you r giving the true picture of what actually happened. I'd be interested in his side of the story