AIBU to want a bit of help. Feeling sorry for myself

[GreyTree]

NC as possibly outing.

Have 2 kids under 3. On mat leave at the moment and I'm returning to work soon. In-laws and parents live 1 hour away and work very part-time hours. DH works hard, a commute of 1-2 hours traffic permitting.

My parents look after DN (niece) before and after school as sister is single parent. Niece practically lives there. Sister has full-time job. Parents only have one car so limits flexibility.

In-laws look after 4 other grandkids, pick up and drop off to school, plus baby while parents work.

DH and I ask for no help bur we're struggling right now. He doesn't get in until 6-7 after leaving the house at 6am. Toddler awake very early every day and baby still wakes in the night. Averaging about 4-5 hours of broken sleep per night.

If I phone parents or in-laws for help they are normally busy with other grandkids. I just feel like we don't get a look in.

There are more bits to further my evidence but they're too identifying. Just feeling sorry for myself and just want a wee in peace!

As in MIL is unwell?
Don’t worry, if you didn’t know I’m sure that you would have responded suitably to SIL.
Send MIL a card?

It’s hard. I’m a long way from my parents (also thought we were unlikely to have children) and they give a lot of help to my sister who is local. One of her DC also has additional needs and I don’t mind at all. BUT...my mum only rings me when she is looking after DNiece and/or Nephew and we have the same interrupted phone time you have and she ends up barely speaking to my DS because there’s so much going on. Why doesn’t she call any other time of the week?! Anyway, I find it’s not so much wanting the help as it is wanting to feel equally cared about. For me, her and my dad being like that with my DS reminds me of being the non-golden child in our family growing up and hurts all over again. I don’t really have any advice, but maybe good to know you’re not the only one.

And that sounds very unfair of your SIL as presumably you didn’t know about MIL being ill.

Oh my...you just hit the nail on the head there Scipio. Always felt that sister was favourite so now she gets extra help, it hurts again. My niece has additional needs too sk I get that sister does need more help but like you said, it's the assumption that we're all ok here when if they bothered to properly check, I'm actually struggling.

Wrt SIL. Yep, apparently MIL is unwell at moment and on antibiotics but she never told me and I'm not fucking psychic. She seemed fine tbh. What annoyed me the most and made me cry loads afterwards was that mil has looked after her lot all fucking week while on antibiotics. I pop round for a few hours and I get moaned at. CFF.

I think if you want a bit of respite you really need to ask in advance. How often does your dh speak to his parents if he doesnt know his mum's not well?

I did ask in advance. I spoke to MIL last night as did DH. She said nothing about being unwell. When I found d out I called and apologised and she was fine. What grates my shit us the cheek of SIL. She's also known MIL was unwell but it was ok for her to look after her kids. Hypocrite.

Ok, well in my family "advance" would mean 7-14 days notice. I am very lucky that both mum and MiL are happy to help out but they are busy people, they don't just sit home waiting for me to call. They'll drop things in an emergency but call today for help tomorrow? No chance.

Barbarian....they are certainly not sat at home waiting for my call. And I wasn't just dumping kids and off out socialising. I was there with them the whole time.

Sorry I think ive misunderstood. I thought you were wanting them to look after the kids for a couple of hours to give you a break (nothing wrong with that) but wanted them to do the next day and they couldn't do it.

No, I was there the whole time. SIL regularly drops in and says I'm just off to do this and that, and leaves the kids. Then phones me and says I was out of order. Apologies if I got you confused. I'm tired and incapable of making much sense. And generally pissed off!