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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH using kids to guilt me... who's wrong here?

49 replies

YouLittleWally · 09/11/2017 08:26

I’m full of a cold and struggling to think straight.

I have to go on a training conference. I need the car to get me there. It’s my car, my husband has a very old car which he uses for work (less than 2 miles away)

My husband wants to have my car to take the kids to Blackpool lights whilst I’m away (he can’t trust his car to get him there as I can’t trust it to take me to the training). I said I need it, we can all go Blackpool next week.

Since he asked last night he’s been getting the kids to ask me over and over if they can have the car. I’ve explained i need it to get to the training. They then go back to Dad and say “mummy says no” which he responds something along the lines of “oh we can’t go to Blackpool kids cos mummy won’t let us have the car” they then come back and plead!! WTAF!!

I had a look and it’s 2.3 hours on a train for a 40 min journey. Being so ill I really don’t fancy sitting on a cold smelly train.

I said if he could get out of work and take me he could take the car but he wasn’t up for that.

Came to a head this morning when he got my 6yr to ask again. Told him to stop guilting me. Said I should feel guilty and slammed out of the house.

Who’s been wrong here?

OP posts:
senua · 09/11/2017 09:06

responds something along the lines of “oh we can’t go to Blackpool kids cos mummy won’t let us have the car” they then come back and plead!!

The response to this is "you could go if we both had a proper cars that were reliable. You are being cross at the wrong person. It's daddy's car that is the problem, not mine"

Lethaldrizzle · 09/11/2017 09:08

Surely as a team you should both have reliable cars. It doesn't seem fair that dad and the kids have the crappy car.

ShizeItsWeegie · 09/11/2017 09:10

Are you sure you're not papering over something here OP? You say it's out of character but maybe you need to look closer? It's a pretty huge thing to do and to go from nought to this to nought sounds a bit unlikely. Is he the sort to push you down when you are already ill though? I've had a partner like that in the past :( Look closer perhaps? Why hasn't he sorted himself out a better car or got it fixed up for example?

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/11/2017 09:15

Make sure your dc know that daddy wouldn't have been able to show them the illuminations because they had already finished. So there was little point in pestering you for the car because they wouldn't have seen anything anyway and daddy was being naughty getting their hopes up.

AlternativeTentacle · 09/11/2017 09:17

daddy was probably never going to take you anyway. He just wanted to stop mummy from doing her job and make life difficult for her

Corrected for you Wink

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 09/11/2017 09:20

They ended on bonfire night. Case closed!
He's a bit of a pioneer getting the kids excited for an event and he didn't even bother checking the dates of the event.

user1495451339 · 09/11/2017 09:26

Work should always trump leisure activities but there doesn't seem to be much point in running 2 cars if one is not reliable enough to use! Why don't you either just have one car or buy a more reliable second car? Nothing wrong with taking the kids out on a train or bus journey either as it would be a bit of an adventure for them!

AliceWhatsth3Matter · 09/11/2017 09:28

Lethal op explained that her husband's car isn't reliable enough to get her to her work conference.

Also that she often needs to travel for work so needs a reliable car. The same work which helps to pay for the cinema/bowling etc that the children enjoy while OP's away working.

It's nothing to do with fairness, just practicality. The children have use of either car depending who is driving them.

MinorRSole · 09/11/2017 09:34

What an arsehole, why would he get the children involved in that - and worse turns out they are finished anyway.
Does he always act like such a childish prick?

TonicandLime · 09/11/2017 09:42

You can get a cheap Hire Car for around £30 a day - give him their number next time he needs a car so badly.

diddl · 09/11/2017 09:48

It's concerning that you thought he had a point at all!

He sounds horrible.

Are you away over a weekend?

Ellendegeneres · 09/11/2017 10:16

What an absolute arse. He is blatantly being unreasonable and horrible to not only you but your dc too. That's seriously not cool. I mean yeah, ask once. But repeatedly gives the dc the impression that if they bother you enough and plead enough you'll eventually give in, no matter how unreasonable the request demand

Lethaldrizzle · 09/11/2017 10:23

But if you need two cars surely they should both be fit for purpose. I'm not sure I get the his and hers thing. Surely you're a team

Foxysoxy01 · 09/11/2017 10:36

Is he usually like this OP?

I ask because as your DC grow up it's going to really mess with their heads if he is always so emotionally manipulative and using them as a weapon all the time.

diddl · 09/11/2017 10:42

Well I'm guessing that if Op's husband's car gives up, he can walk/cycle?

Maybe he should start that anyway & put saved money towards a new car?

Chrys2017 · 09/11/2017 10:46

For those clamouring about the car 'unfairness'... She's already said her husband generally uses the car just to drive to his work 2 miles away.
Not every family can afford two new cars.

Original poster
YouLittleWally · 09/11/2017 16:14

Thanks everyone. Just arrived at hotel and had chance to look through your messages.

He’s not been in touch since slamming the door this morning so presumably sulking.

2 Car thing is what it is really. I do earn a lot more have a nice’ish new car, I paid for it solely myself, I put diesel in it, tax and insure it. However if I don’t need it he tends to use it, and certainly if all going together it’s the car we use. I think think I’m generous with the money, I pay for all our holidays (this year alone 20k+, paying for new kitchen next month 16k+ just two that come to mind) doesn’t bother me because we are a team. But making me feel shit because I want to drive my car to work. FFS.

He instead choses to spend his disposable income on road bikes! The 15yo car is just used to get him to and from work.

I’m pissed off about the emotional manipulation, making me look like the bad guy with the kids.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 09/11/2017 16:36

Sounds like it is time to reassess your relationship. Find out what/where you stand legally with house/dc and see where you go from here to improve your and your Dc life.

I'm guessing that he is jealous of your work and earnings but doesn't have the gumption (SP) to improve his work and earning potential, but enjoying your earnings as his own.

stormnigel · 09/11/2017 19:07

As the lights have finished I would have lent him the car but not told him. Best of luck to him dealing with disappointed kids and no more than he deserves. Tit.

Itsonkyme · 10/11/2017 10:09

YouLittleWally You should be the one sulking! Omg! How dare he!
It's your bloody car, as you say, you bought it yourself, tax, insurance, diesel. And to try to "blackmail" you by blaming you, to the children, for spoiling their fun, is really, really bad.
I would be having this out with him. Big Style!!!!!

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 10/11/2017 10:15

What did he say when you told him the lights weren't even on??

pipistrell · 10/11/2017 10:17

^This is the million dollar question

DressedCrab · 10/11/2017 10:24

Next time tell them that if Daddy sold a bike he could hire a car and take them, Naughty selfish Daddy.

SilverSpot · 10/11/2017 11:17

What does he bring to the party?

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