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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Charity gift as a gift.. AIBU?

55 replies

KissesAX · 08/11/2017 23:18

I have been on th recieving end of one of those Oxfam gift aid things in the past. 'I've bought a man in Uganda a goat on your behalf.. Merry Christmas'. As a kid I enjoyed the novelty of it bu AIBU to be against them now?

I'd rather not receive a gift these days than to have someone give me a charity gift. I just think it's a bit awkward that they're gifting you but it's not for you. Surely if you want to be charitable, then do it without using someone else's gift as a demonstration? AIBU thinking like this?

OP posts:
Mac12345 · 09/11/2017 07:19

My grandparents did this one year, as a teenager I wasn't that impressed! Now I wouldn't mind, if that's someone's choice. There's a charity that twins toilets, so you buy a toilet for a community that doesn't have one and get sent a photo to hang in your bathroom saying "this toilet is twinned with..". I love the idea of that, not only is it giving people a better quality of life it's also a fun thing to have in your house.

Zampa · 09/11/2017 07:20

I'm with @lalliella on the Christmas cards ...

My pet hate is people who send round an email saying they’re not sending Christmas cards this year but giving money to charity. What they really mean is they can’t be arsed to write the cards and/or they’re too tight to buy them so they’ll be all smug and say they’re giving to charity. No! That Christmas card is mine! If I want the money it costs to go to charity I’ll tell you to do that. But I won’t, because if you want to give to charity and really feel good about it, give it from your own money, not some you’ve allocated to someone else!! Rant over!

fleshmarketclose · 09/11/2017 07:23

I wouldn't mind if I was asked if that's what I would like and the gift was to a charity I support anyway. But giving somebody a goat in my name well thanks but no thanks really.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 09/11/2017 07:28

Hate them too, it's not a gift unless the person has asked for a charity donation themselves.

I only support a couple of charities and do so privately so the chances are it would a supposed gift to a charity that I don't even support.

AreThereAnyUsersnamesLeft · 09/11/2017 07:30

I can't see the point of a Christmas or birthday cards either- why would you give someone a Christmassy picture on some card?

magpiemischief · 09/11/2017 07:30

Thing is, this is about them giving to charity, not me. Unless I’d specifically asked them to do this. I want people to give to charity because they want to not so they can forgo buying presents. Forgoing buying presents, without a specific request, is just like saying ‘You’re not worth it, I’ll put the money somewhere more worthy.’.

A happy medium would to buy me a gift from a charity shop. I’d be happy with an interesting book or piece of jewellery.

kaykay72 · 09/11/2017 07:35

My MIL bought my husband a charity donation to a donkey sanctuary. He’s never shown any interest in donkeys, she just didn’t know what to buy him, and she likes donkeys. If asked, I’m sure he would have wanted the donation to go to help for heroes or similar as his dad is ex forces and he gives to this type of charity when he donates anything.

The donkey place sends him a mailout every so often. Every one has gone in the recycling unopened 🤔

Laceup · 09/11/2017 07:36

My friends parents did this one year.instead of buying grandchildren Xmas presents they bought them all a goat from oxfam...youngest was so excited and spent the day rushing about looking for her goat...☹️

allegretto · 09/11/2017 07:40

Laceup -

Laceup · 09/11/2017 07:44

Allergretto..yeah I watched that series it's fab

MidniteScribbler · 09/11/2017 07:48

Unless the person has specifically asked for it, then I don't think they should be given. I'm still not entirely convinced that someone in Africa is actually being handed a goat when the credit card is billed, it all just goes into a general pool, and the charity takes a big cut for their advertising and salaries.

We had someone a few years ago who did this at our work, but then cracked the shits the following year when we all gave the same back to her.

picklemepopcorn · 09/11/2017 07:53

My dad was thrilled with his donkey. We had a donkey years ago. I wasn’t able to get an actual gift to him for his birthday, so a sponsored donkey with a photo faxed to him was really appreciated. He wanted to go and visit it, but sadly hasn’t been well enough.

Sarahjconnor · 09/11/2017 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SundayLunchHappy · 09/11/2017 07:54

It should be a very personal gift, regardless of that fact that it's a charitable donation on their behalf. Totally get the random donkey thing.

However my grandfather is an adamant "no presents" and has 3 main charities he actively supports. Therefore he is unsurprisingly delighted when he finds out we've bought x amount of school books or enabled x amount of cataract operations.

If however we told him we'd helped Elvis the donkey to find a lovely retirement home, I don't think it would work or feel right!

SukiTheDog · 09/11/2017 07:57

For a few years we haven’t done Christmas cards. We do a “Christmas dinner for 4” through a homeless charity. I don’t give a stuff what people think. I love the idea of a person who’s in difficulties receiving a hot Christmas dinner, a health check and they do a clothing gift for each person from donations made to the charity. All this, for the price of umpteen cards and stamps. I love it. The people who know and love me are fine with it.

PoppyPopcorn · 09/11/2017 07:58

There is a middle ground in all of this.

I volunteer in a charity shop and we see a LOT of toiletry gift sets (looking at you, Baylis & Harding) donated year round buy peaking in January. Unopened and very clearly unwanted. We also see a lot of the novelty type gifts which seem fun at the time but are totally useless. We also sell those type of "goat" gifts - but not as many as you'd think.

If you want to think you're doing good with your Christmas giving then most charity shops will have a range of new products which benefit the charity and give you a practical item to give. Oxfam has fair trade chocolate, coffee, new books, olive oils, toiletries - loads of stuff. Cancer research has calendars, umbrellas, jewellery and homeware. Other charities have similar.

Crumbs1 · 09/11/2017 08:04

We always put small ones in stockings - flip flops, a chicken, writing material, sanitary protection etc. I think it helps children remember Christmas is about giving not receiving, to be grateful for their birth circumstances.
I also use them where a personal gift might be a bit awkward- so a friend who was also my consultant and was particularly kind, a teacher who was also a nun etc.

magpiemischief · 09/11/2017 08:04

The people who know and love me are fine with it.

Well, that is a good thing, then. Everyone in your circle agrees to this. But it would be sad if some elderly relation who lived far away and looked forward to hearing from you once a year in a Christmas card didn’t get one. Some people like them as keepsakes. Christmas cards can be a nice way of keeping in touch a sending well wishes to people you don’t see very much.

MyUsernameIsOriginal · 09/11/2017 08:05

It depends on context. A relative of mine refuses presents but supports a very specific charity. Therefore I donate their gift money to the charity. They appreciate this and prefer I it to getting gifts.

I wouldn’t do it without it being the gift receivers choice though.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 09/11/2017 08:06

For anyone feeling their recipient would feel hard done by without an actual present, you could always buy them Toms shoes/boots...
Toms match every purchase with a free pair for a child in need. Win, win!

Rainbowqueeen · 09/11/2017 08:09

I think it's a case of know your audience
I would be happy to receive a charity gift. My sister wouldn't

I wouldn't buy one for someone unless I was absolutely positive they would like it. ( as in we had talked about charity gifts and they had specifically said they would like one)

Maybe it's a sign they need some hints about good gift ideas!

sausagerole · 09/11/2017 08:09

A PP summed it up really well upthread - if you're going to give to charity then use your own money, not money that you've allocated to someone else!

I love giving to charity, but don't really feel happy when someone else decides on my behalf which charity to give to. To me, it's neither a gift nor a meaningful donation.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 09/11/2017 08:17

Mac12345,

I like that idea, too!
(Maybe you should continue the theme with this

Grin
Yura · 09/11/2017 08:25

i would prefer to not get gifts, but i would rather have a charity donation than yet another landfill item that i have to fake enthusiasm for. my taste is quite different from most people, and most gifts i seem to receive are just horrendous (ployester blanket, stinky candles, ...).

MumW · 09/11/2017 09:02

How do those hating the "I'm not sending cards..." emails view what I often do in group situations?
Pass around cupcakes as 'edible' Xmas cards