I've been wanting to start a thread about my mother as I am traumatised to this day about the way she treated animals whilst I was growing up, but I've always felt it disloyal as she's a very good mum and person apart from this. But reading this thread has brought a lot of it back to the surface and I need to vent among similar minded people.
By all accounts, she's always been an animal lover, however, she has this thing where she just has to breed from every pet she ever gets and has no limit on the number of pets she will keep at any time. She always wanted to have a small holding but thankfully never got the opportunity. We grew up in standard family houses surrounded by animals. She has also mistreated some of them.
Some incidents that have stuck in my mind:
- we were given two kittens that were from a feral cat by the local farmer. She never bothered to get them spayed and so they had litter after litter and we even kept one kitten who was also allowed to keep having litters. we never had any litter trays in the house and the cats had several toiletting places around the house. When the cats were quite old, she told me they had to be pts but I found out from my dad years later that she drove them miles away from the house and released dumped them.
- she once bred rabbits and had some special breeding hutches that were not big enough to keep rabbits in. They were like a shelving unit of tiny hutches. We had a rabbit in one of them (no idea why) with no bedding, food or water, just its own shit and a neighbour reported us to the rspca who visited early one Saturday morning. I recall being angrily yanked out of bed (I was about 8) by my mum so the woman could tell us off for keeping our rabbit in such awful conditions. My mum was furious with us and blamed is to the rspca woman. I remember thinking how unfair it was because I had zero control over how the animals were kept.
- we lived opposite a dairy farm and one day when I was about 12, I witnessed the farmer beating one of the cows. I started asking him what he was doing as I was so upset and told him he was being cruel. He obviously recognised me and asked if I lived at my address. What I didn't realise was that my mum was renting some land from him on which she kept our 6(!) horses. He told me I better fuck off and mind my own business or he would report my mum for keeping the horses in squalor and malnourished. I have no idea if it was true as I didn't ever visit the horses (she would take my sister who was into riding) but I had to slink off feeling worried that I'd got my mum in trouble.
- we had every pet you can imagine at one time or another. Gold fish, tropical fish, budgies, canaries, cockatiels, mice, rats, Russian hamsters, Syrian hamsters, rabbits, Guinea pigs, ferrets, several breeds of chickens, quails, cats, dogs, horses and chipmunks. At one time we even had a lamb which we hand reared. The only pets we never had were reptiles (because we weren't interested in them) and chinchillas because my mum thought it was cruel(!!!) to keep them. Every single one of these animals she either attempted to breed from or did breed from. We never just got one of each type, it was always at least two and always a male and female. We had so many small animals at one point, my sister and I were totally overwhelmed and they were not looked after properly. Not cleaned out regularly, their water and food would run out. One time (and I am still fucking traumatised by this) the Syrian hamster had babies (not for the first time either) but for whatever reason, my mum was late in rehoming them and there was no where to put them except in one cage. Of course they fought with each other and at one point, they were so starved that they were eating one of the others alive
There's so many other similar stories but it's very upsetting to rake this shit up. I'm also angry with my dad because he did nothing to help although says now that he hated it but it wasn't his job to control her and she would acquire all these animals without consulting him. What fucks me off so much is that me and my sister were pretty much blamed for all this as they were 'our' pets and we were the ones asking for them but my mother never ever said no to us or helped us to take proper care of the animals. I remember her taking us on trips out to choose new pets and this was meant to be a treat for us and was her suggestion. One time, my dad wrote a story (to shock us into taking better care of the pets) for my sister and me about how all these dead animals came back from the grave to take revenge. I had nightmares over that but again, it was the implication that we, as children, were at fault.
Since I've left home, our last childhood dog died of cancer (a long haired breed that was so matted the vet described her as 'disgusting' so my mum refused to take the dog back and she died at home probably in agony) and for a while they had no pets. But then my sisters friend was rehoming some rabbits and my mum agreed to take them and the neglect started again. One died and she kept the other one alone which she knows full well is cruel. one of their neighbours complained to me about the state of the hutch so my mum moved the rabbit into the cellar. The last time I saw the rabbit it had no food, water or bedding so I gave it some and told my mum to look after it properly. It died shortly after although it was quite old at that point I think.
She then got two cats. At this point I had also got a beautiful pedigree cat and she begged me to let her breed from him. I got him neutered ASAP. And a few months later she rehomed an unwanted pedigree male cat. She lied and told us all that he was neutered. Then the kittens from both mothers started. Then she 'found' a long haired kitten in a bin. This cat has also started having kittens. She sells them for £100s as they are mostly lovely colours and long haired. Her cats have litter after litter. I warned her that something bad would happen as she is over breeding them and lo and behold, one went into premature labour and lost all the kittens bar one who she had to hand rear. He got an infection and lost his eye. She couldn't sell him so I took him and he is a fantastic cat who we love very much. She is still breeding though.
I have told her time and time again that I think what she is doing is fucking despicable but she just lies and says she was going to get the females spayed but then they got pregnant again before she could. I've told her to neuter her male cat but she just lies and says she will. I've given up. I hardly visit anymore now due to this which I know she finds upsetting.
I'm torn because other than this, she's a lovely woman who will do anything for anyone and my DC adore her. But I just can't forgive her for the animal abuse and neglect that she is still fucking perpetuating by overbreeding her poor cats. But to the pp up thread who said the kids will follow suit, that hadn't been the case for me. I take my pet ownership incredibly seriously and will never ever end up like my mum. We don't have more pets than I can manage and I do not expect my DC to be involved in their care except when they are helping me of petting them.
What can I do about her?