To email this teacher?

[LadyWire]

My DD is 18 and at 6th form college. To avoid dripfeeding she has ASD, depression and anxiety. She is extremely emotionally underdeveloped compared to her peers.

Her a-level English teacher told a tale today about seeing a cat being hit by a car and hitting it with a tennis racquet to "put it out of its misery" before throwing it to the side of the road. He then kept referring back to it throughout the lesson.

DD has come out of college inconsolable. I've emailed the teacher telling him that a) what he did was appalling and b) it's not an appropriate subject to speak to a class about. AIBU to be angry enough to contact him or should I have ignored it? Tbh I'm tempted to report him to college and to the RSPCA.

That was horribly insensitive and inappropriate and unnecessary for the teacher to tell the class this sorry tale. He sounds a bit weird to me. But I suppose it could have been part of a lesson on morals so maybe was justified. Hard to tell without knowing more.

red
What you'e got to understand is that the only acceptable view on this thread is
How horrifyinh that a teacher battered a cat to death. It is so barbaric and then he clearly went into school and wanted to show off to a bunch of teenagers. He decided to stop teaching his whole lesson so he could tell an elaborate and traumatic tale. As a result the OP should absolutely complain to the school and report him to the police and the rspca.

Trying to point out anything sensible like 'i wouldn't have told that story but we also have to consider is that a student in the OP's daughter's situation may view and ezperience that concersation in a more upsetting way. It may be worth putting the anecdote to one side and seeing if you can ask teh college for some additional pastoral support to help her deal with sensitive topics' only proves you're a horrible, incompetent teacher who can't do your job properly abd you must be in favour of animal cruelty.

Viviennemary
I agree it was probably unnecessary.
It's not a story I would have chosen.

But the way some people have acted on this thread has been totally over the top.

As far as I can tell teacher told an anecdote it was upsetting for the daughter. The daughter may be more easily upset than others. Ultimately difficult things will come her way (as a few of us have given examples) so it's worth asking college for some pastoral support or something ti help her manage.

If there was a repeat situation then I'd probably contact the teacher.

Literature or Language? Going by the A level texts I've read, she's going to have a difficult time ahead if this story upsets her so much.

Maisypops don't bite.

It may well have been a class discussion about how it is deemed ok to put an animal out of its misery but if a human was suffering s/he would have to suffer, as any attempt to end the suffering would be classed as murder. Who knows? We weren't there.

We only have the parent of an adult with ASD version of events...

“a cat being hit by a car and hitting it with a tennis racquet to "put it out of its misery" before throwing it to the side of the road. He then kept referring back to it throughout the lesson.”

Tennis racquets are these days built to be lightweight - they are not even a pound in weight. I reiterate I have euthanised an animal in agony, not a cat or a dog but I certainly would never take an 11 ounce racket and expect it to be a painless death. The story or reality of presenting death is not a problem; the idea of 'putting something out of it's misery' is not a problem and can be an issue to discuss but I personally wouldn't agree with it; but it's a real issue when you discuss with your class how that should be done. Then comes the problem.

Telling a real life story with a tennis racket as the answer is a real problem. You have a class of 20-30 all with different perspectives and backgrounds and what he gives them as an antidote to a horrible situation - an 11oz tennis racket, you won't put anything bar a beetle out of its misery with that. My 7 year old would instinctively know that.

It's a shocking lack of responsibilty on a teacher's part. So either:
a. The teacher is boasting about his kill
b. He is giving his students bad, cruel and wrong information
c. He should be given a warning.

Anyone who can't add up pound, pressure and force, should quit now.

We only have the parent of an adult with ASD version of events...

Are you being a dick here or pretending to be one?

Before you complain op you need to hear both sides of the story. Why not meet with the teacher in question alongside your daughter.
Your presence only being to support her in talking to the teacher NOT to take the lead.

I also think you should support your 18 year old to manage her emotions - that is a parents job not a teachers

There is only so much we can protect our children from our job as parents is to teach our children and give them the tools to protect themselves

"Are you being a dick here or pretending to be one?"

Why? Are you privy to any info that the rest of us aren't??

I do not think you are unreasonable at all.

Clearly a cat who just a broken leg needs to go to the vet for mending. If there’s any doubt of course a vet visit is essential. However A cat who has all its organs crushed under a wheel might not live 15 minutes

I'm glad I'm not the only one confused by the tennis racquet - I can barely think of something less effective at causing a quick painless death. It would've made more sense to run the cat over again if he was genuinely trying to put it out of its misery.

Pennypickle
I went to sleep. It gets to a point where pointing out reasonable and rational responses on MN is a giant waste of your time
(it's the same on threads where teachers may have made a mistake and half thr posters are outraged saying 'call the head and demand a meeting' and some of us say 'that doesn't sound good. Calmly call the teacher, hear what they say because it may be different and then take it from there'. You get the same ridiculoua 'blah blah blah you can tell who teachers are'.)

Was he a bit tactless? Sure. Would I think before telling a class that story? I would.
But the reactions here are bonkers.
This. That is pretty mucj what I said early on.
Would I tell that anecdote? No.
Does that mean he is a bad teacher who is hugely unprofessional? No.

But what started as 'someone is very sensitive for a range of reasons ans shouldn't have to hear about distressing topics' turned into a total character assassination of someone none of us know once people pointed out that there are many difficult topics at school. And then naturally, it turned into Godwin's law of Mumsnet teacher threads where you can tick off the standard lines. Afyer all, it's so unreasonable to say 'nobody is calling me up and telling me to how to run my classroom because they/their DC don't like it' (having pointed out about 6 pages ago how I've done loads of adjustments for very reasonable parents abd situations )

I'm glad I'm in a school where most parenta are supportive and reaosnable. Responding to threads on here takes me back to working in a school where you'd spend half your time trying to reason with professionally outraged people.

Erm... What?!

It gets to a point where pointing out reasonable and rational responses on MN is a giant waste of your time

Absolutely, well done for carrying on as long as you did in the face of hysterical frothing.

What should happen in this case? 8am - teacher on her way to work, cat runs under car wheels. Remembering there is no legal obligation to do so, the teacher stops and the cat is very badly injured. No vets open at that time. Classes waiting to be taught. What should she do? I'm genuinely interested to know.

Or a surgeon with people waiting for an operation that morning? Abandon the list and see to a cat?

Dear me...woken up to see this has been blown completely out of proportion.

OP, you were out of order for sending such a highly emotive email (using vocabulary like 'appalling') - especially without speaking to teacher first. You would get a better outcome emailing, or speaking in person to, a pastoral manager who might be able to offer some extra support to your daughter so that in future, she can cope with something such as yesterday's incident. Also, teachers could be advised that if they teach your daughter, they should perhaps give an advisory warning to all students suggesting they can leave the room for 5 minutes before certain things are discussed. If your daughter wouldn't have the strength to do this, then really, what more do you want OP? The teacher's whole style to change on account of one student. Unrealistic and unreasonable.

And the stupid thing dressed is thr OP didn't say that the teacher even hit the cat. That was added in by other posters.

I just remember that when it comes to schools and parents that most people are sensible, reasonable and rational and that whiny professionally outraged people are in the minority. They just happen to be a loud minority.

I think the OP would be more than reasonable to seek additional pastoral support for her daughter if she finds difficult topics more distressing than most. 6th form will be full of difficult topics and we can't be expected to police classrooms over the sensitivities of one child. Equally, if the OP would like to calmly discuss the situation with thr teacher then that would be reasonable to have a chat and hear his take.
It would he unreasonable to go in all guns blazing the way some have advocated on here, putting in complaints, speculating about his relationships with students and demanding no difficult topics are discussed.

Cross post MrsPworkingmummy.
Exactly.
Calm, reasonable and rational contact with appropriate members of staff get better results that firing off emotionally charged emails of complaint.

Was the OP demanding no difficult topics be discussed?

Or anyone else on this thread?

You're all bonkers! Stark, staring mad! Oh have I offended you?

The teacher was chatting to the class about a difficult incident and now he is unprofessional and all teachers are defensive and a bit crap.

Threads like this and you wonder why there is a shortage of teachers? Well done Maisy for telling it like it is.

Ok, people seem to have made up a lot of what happened here.

The teacher didn't hit the cat with his car. He stopped to look at an injured animal and made a decision to hit it with a tennis racquet.

The lesson was about The Great Gatesby. The teacher started by saying "you'll never believe what happened to me..."

My DD gets extremely upset about things that are in the news etc, however part of life is learning to deal with that. You read the news, you're going to read about horrific things. You don't expect to be told something like that in an English lesson.

I emailed the teacher very politely explaining how distressed DD was, asking why he felt the need to tell this story and why he felt that was the right thing to do.

DD knows I emailed. In her mind the trusted teacher is now a cat killer and she's worried about her next lesson with him in case it's brought up again. We've discussed that although we (and I'm hoping most people) would have sought help for the cat he obviously thought he was doing the right thing.