Teenage Daughter Rant

[justilou1]

It would seem that the moment my beautiful, reasonable, very academic and intelligent daughter turned 13 she started watching makeup tutorials on youtube. Naively, I thought it would be harmless enough. NO! She now has a penchant for high-end makeup. I get that at 13 she has no responsibilities or concept of the value of money, etc.... but I am really worried about how OBSESSED she is getting with makeup. She spent $70 on a bloody eyeshadow palette (her money) and is now obsessing about a Fenty Beauty lipgloss, which is currently out of stock everywhere here in Aus. (Even drugstore makeup is insanely expensive here in Aus) I think her obsession sometimes has a very teenage sense of entitlement, but it is also expresses insecurity about her looks, so I try and handle it gently. But if I have to listen to her rattling on about how "pigmented" a flipping highlighter is, or how "buttery" her next eyeshadow obsession is, I am going to take her to the doctor and get them to check for lobotomy scars! Anyone else??? Got any ideas on how to re-focus her on the stuff that matters???

It wears off. My dd wouldn't go to school without full slap and eye flicks. She'd lure me into shops, strop for Mac but get mua. Now she's at uni and weighing a palette against food and dashing to lectures, it's all in perspective.

Frendo.
You lot?

Well I can’t speak for the other “lot” but she earns money doing chores.

I second Pixiwoo and also Tanya Burr. These are 'proper' make up artists who have years of experiences working on fashion shows, magazines shoots, music videos etc. They often do looks using drugstore/high street brands as well.

Oh and there's not a sharpie eyebrow or luminous highlighter in sight!

Youtube is like the teen magazines of the past, only more powerful. My dd watches it like she's watching the TV. Most of it is utter drivel, vloggers seem to have lots of influence on kids.

I see nothing wrong with using terms like uglifies, mask and others mentioned to describe putting expensive toxic gunk on their lovely skin. PPs aren’t defining their girls by their looks- it’s clearly the complete opposite. And compared to spending that time and money on a hobby or talent that builds their confidence on the inside, it’s a crying wasteful shame.

You’re not going to like my comment either. If my girl goes down this path, my fingers will itch to sprinkle some nettles on her makeup. Be a shame if she got an ‘allergic reaction’ straight outta the gate...

Been there and done that, but the 2 year obsession with high end make up followed a two year one with baking (tge expense and mess was horrendous) and is now 18 months into a gym and body strength obsession. IMO each is an improvement on the last.

She's 20 now and graduates next year as a HCP. I am pretty sure she won't have time for any more obsesssions

YABU - It's a hobby and something your DD is passionate about. Would you still be as upset if it was anything else?

My DS is the same about make up and has gone on to train as a professional make up artist and has a successful business at 22.

Just because it's not to your taste doesn't mean it should be frowned upon.

My daughter started doing this at 12! She had bad acne and was bullied and had low self esteem. I let her wear make-up, dye her hair and get piercings. This way of re-inventing and expressing herself was a useful tool for her to get out of the depression she was slipping into. At 16 she has a photography talent that's really going places, is succeeding at school (finally) and looks bloody amazing (gym bunny and model looks) It was worth living through the nose rings, pink hair and weird glasses. She now styles herself a bit bohemian and arty and its very classy and cool. Its a phase. Roll with it.

I have zero interest in make-up, and have never defined DD by her looks but she is also make-up obsessed - it seems to be the current 'hobby' of choice of a large number of teenage girls, fed by youtube and beauty blogs.

In DD's case, it doesn't seem to be because she is unhappy with how she looks without make-up, it is more that she enjoys playing with texture and colour and technique. She is very arty, and her face is a different sort of canvas to work on. There is also the appeal of all the beautifully packaged, shiny, 'limited', 'new!' etc palettes and ranges.

If that is what she chooses to spend any money she is given on, I can't stop her, but I am assuming that the current level of obsession is a phase and will diminish in time.

My dd won't wear any make up (she's almost 14), isn't that bothered about clothes either. I feel quite lucky but I also feel a bit sad that she doesn't like the same things as the girls in her year. I don't really wear make up as it makes my skin sore so maybe that's why dd isn't bothered either?

I have one too.

I am worried about the ridiculous beauty standards girls feel the have to live up to these days; as dd said the other day (nonchalantly), “oh, everyone gets their lips done” 😪

She has a ridiculous entitlement to high end make up but then she also has a job which she gets paid £4.25 an hour for. If she wants to spend her hard-earned on coloured powder that’s up to her. At least she’s learning the value of money.

She’s also AMAZING at make up, so does mine now when I go out.

My advice op is to keep balancing her life with as much non-superficial stuff as possible, eg DofE, Young Enterprise, extra-curricular sport, culture, discussions around the dinner table. And re-enforce the message that she’s more than just a pretty face!

I actually agree with CaeDy... I can see longer long-term damage in banning her from her passion than just letting her go with it reassured that she has your support and validation.

Dd is the same but as she gets older and more skilled she is realising more and more than the high end brands are not always the best. Her favourite foundation is from wilko for six quid.
Last Christmas she had a load of stuff in her list, when I pointed out that I'm not buying it but she will have money to spend from relatives she suddenly wants as keen.
She now has a little job and an allowance from me and is definitely more keen to look for bargains than when it was my money she wanted to spend.

Yes I can see it is very annoying but TBH if this is the worst she remains doing you’ve got it really very good.

Wait till she starts on the eyebrows!
My now 21 dd said recently, ' why did you let me do that to my eyebrows ' ( over plucking them was de rigeur 8 yrs ago )
I don't remember holding her down and wielding my tweezers....we did say she should lay off the process , all fell on deaf teenage ears and don't talk to me about fake tan and tanning mitts left everywhere
Thank god shes now in her 20's...still a student and experimental with make up but applies it so beautifully now better than I can or dare to
As my dh and I used to say....it's just a phase

I started early with reading dd out the threads on here about criticism of you tubers for overpricing their stuff, or promoting products for money. Dd watches them non stop, but seems to exercise some scepticism in actually buying.

Wombling I am the unspeakable mother who says her daughter uglifies herself. You are gravely mistaken when you say I only see her in terms of her appearance. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I hate it that society tells girls that their natural appearance is somehow not good enough, that women need to shave, straighten, dye, botox, breast-enlarge, wear uncomfortable clothes, and cover faces in toxic paint in order to be beautiful (it is often even worse for women of colour).

It makes me sad to see my beautiful daughter (beautiful to me, as all children are beautiful) spend hours doing the things society tells women to do in order to look acceptable. Yes, to me, she looks less beautiful and less like herself, as well as more uncomfortable after she covers her eyes with exaggerated wings and blue eye shadow and straightens her hair.

I hate it that this is such a big business, that this robs kids of precious time (they often feel they have to spend time and money to fit in with the group), and most of all that women feel they have to do all kinds of things to themselves in order to be beautiful.

This is not just a matter of people having fun sometimes putting on makeup or wearing all sorts of wacky and fun clothes. This is brainwashing that teaches girls and women that they can't go out until they have "put their face on".

It is as if youtube brainwashes teens at an impressionable age ....

There's no "as if" about it!

YouTube is now at the leading edge of the consumerist juggernaut.

I was lucky with my DD. She saved the expensive makeup for nights out, because she liked the transformation she could create.

Now she's at uni, she wears minimal makeup during the day (if she's up in time to put it on), but still swears by well pigmented lippy. She looks like someone else's child when she goes to a nightclub though

Get her to start looking at dupe products and then she can make her own vlogs? Dupes are cheaper products that do the same thing - this way you’re encouraging her passion but without the £££’s

It’s a thing for teenage girls. I was initially aghast too but I’m over my shock and coming to terms with being out of touch haha.
Actually what I did is organise a beautician/makeup artist to come over for my daughter and her friends so at least they could learn to do it properly. She drummed home the importance of skin care routines into their impressionable heads and it’s worked for my girl who is taking fastidious care of her skin and, at least by using good brands, the quality is better.

My daughter spends her own babysitting money on makeup. She earns it and I don't try and stop her. She is beautiful. She is tiny in stature and figure and has waist-length, thick, blonde hair like a mermaid and wants to look like everyone else. I remember those days, (I had an anorexic mother and an eating disorder and dysmorphia of my own to deal with.). Please note, I haven't criticised my daughter, but I am mourning the interesting conversations I used to have with her (compared to those about highlights and contouring, which I tolerate, but don't necessarily connect to.). I am kind to the kid - trust me. I am sad that nowadays we are expected to have a daily eyebrow routine - amongst other things. Maybe I am just switching from one stage to another, but until now I thought I was as vain as the next person. I like makeup and I am a qualified makeup artist. I just don't like the pressure she puts on herself to change inside and out, when I see it as a reflection other own self-image. I want her to find her way - and if it's make up, then I'm good with it. I just want her to be aware of how much she is being influenced by social media, how much she values the money she earns and what she should be focussing on instead of the instant-gratification of modern social media.

Please note that I have not criticised my daughter as a person. I love her, of course, but I also like and respect her. She is funny, smart, kind and much more socially aware than I ever was. She is resilient and strong-minded - which are two qualities I wish I had had as a teen. She knows exactly how I feel because we genuinely like each other without breaking the mother/daughter barrier.... BUT, When I used to have in-depth conversations about the interpretation of democracy, I really feel stabby every time she uses of the word "pigmented". I am not intending to burst her bubble - and if this is her passion, then I will find ways to support it. I don't believe it is (because I have seen what she reads as well as what she posts) and I want her to be happy above all.

My DD is 13 and it’s all about highlighter, the brows and palettes. She has urban decay, too faced and her base is clarins or MAC. Her brushes are Mac. She doesn’t overdo it and looks beautiful with or without it. I don’t bother with eyeshadow and get her to do mine instead if I’m going out.

I looked like a clown in my teenage makeup years.

also feel a bit sad that she doesn't like the same things as the girls in her year. I don't really wear make up as it makes my skin sore so maybe that's why dd isn't bothered either?

Quite likely. My DM generally didn’t bother with make-up our of choice, and as she wasn’t too hot on discussing most aspects of ‘being a woman ‘ with her DD, I didn’t learn about cosmetics from her on the occasions she used them. I didn’t do make-up like the other girls at school because I was a bit of a loner, frankly unpopular, and couldn’t see the point. No need to be unhappy for your DD if she doesn’t like the same things as everyone else and is happy, though!

Some of you might do well to consider that the use of cosmetics and other body decoration that is (or is labelled as) unhealthy/self-indulgent/a waste of time etc is about as old as human culture. So less of the boo-hoo, blame the evil Internet, eh? While not everyone is into 'beautifying' themselves with paint, powder, odd clothes or even dodgy surgery, there will always be a percentage of people who like that sort of thing. At the moment your teenage DC are experimenting and finding out who they are. Some of them will completely outgrow this interest; some might find they have such an aptitude for it that they base their careers around it, and some might keep it up as a hobby but adjust the amount they spend as their priorities change.