To report him after all this time? Sexual harassment in the workplace.

[Jonsey79]

Long time lurker, first time poster. Naice ham, rude beaker, cancelling cheques etc.

I work in education and nearly 20 years ago I was regularly harassed by a man working regularly in my school on behalf of the LA. Whenever I saw him I had to put up with vile, sleazy looks and sexually explicit comments. He was frequently in school. He came to lots of assemblies, events etc. He would also turn up regularly after school and wander in and out of the classrooms of the female teachers. We used to leave the room to get rid of him.

There was never anything physical but there is no doubt that his behaviour and comments were sexual harassment. I reported him once but nothing happened. His behaviour was tolerated. Everyone knew about it.

I've long since moved on but I have never forgotten it. I feel very angry about it. These days I would never tolerate it but things were different back then.

I can still clearly remember lots of things he said to me, such as, as I was crouching to tie my shoelace, "I like my women down on their knees". He licked his lips. It was stuff like this all the time.

I've googled him and he's still working in the community.

My question is, after all this time, would it be unreasonable to report him for sexual harassment? And to whom? Or should I just let it go. I don't imagine he's changed much. What to do?

I agree that you need to let it go. It was a long time ago and there isn’t anything that could realistically be done about it now. There are a lot of women who have had to cope with that kind of behaviour, thankfully things have changed now.

Report it. Could stop him doing it to other women and girls. Hopefully others will have reported too. Good luck.

fern report it to who? The company he used to work with?

Nicky I would say there are a few options. Certainly the organisation he is working for currently as OP says he's working in the community. That sounds like he might have access to children and vulnerable people.

I have a similar dilemma regarding a former tutor when I was a mature student, some 17 years ago.

He said, she said. Prove it.

It's depressing - as per above, it's petty, non-issues like this that are making people just tut & raise their eyebrows about "snowflakes" (a term I'm hearing depressingly often about these cases).

And it's insulting to those who were abused as it dilutes the resources available to look into their cases.

I would say there are a few options. Certainly the organisation he is working for currently as OP says he's working in the community. That sounds like he might have access to children and vulnerable people.

"You don't know me, but 20 years ago this man working for you used to look at me in a "sleazy" fashion, oh and he didn't work for you."

"Mmm, thanks, we'll look into that, it's not like he's got employee rights or anything......"

As a manager there is no way that I would bring an employee in & raise something with them that happened so long ago, whilst they were working elsewhere & with no evidence..... I'd be in front of a tribunal like a shot - and quite rightly so.

Wow im sorry people are being so dismissive OP. Of course it's not as bad as assault, but you never said to implied that it was. Its not insulting to those who were assaulted to also raise this, in many ways its helpful to talk about the whole spectrum.

And this isnt what "everyone did" 20 years ago. Possibly it was more common, but his behaviour obviously stuck out to you compared to the behaviour of all your other male colleagues.

It meets the defintion of sexual harrassment.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/sexual-harassment/

I do agree that it's not clear who you should report to, though, since he has changed employer.

I echo what other posters have said, the world was a different place twenty years ago. If he's still behaving this way in the community now let his current behaviour be judged on current standards- his employer would action current grievances. There are laws now that make this unacceptable and those laws were created rightly so to stop experiences like you had.

Historic sexual harassment being reported in the context you describe is, I fear detrimental to women reporting historic and recent rape through victims fearing they'll be viewed as "oh here comes another one.."

We need common sense & rationale. To shape the future we need to ensure the creeps of today are being held accountable to the standards of today.

OP, you've said yourself - I've long since moved on but I have never forgotten it. I feel very angry about it. These days I would never tolerate it but things were different back then.

It's quite possible in the intervening years, people have confronted him on his behaviour and attitude and he has changed.

I was working with a manager around 25 years ago who routinely walked round my desk to put his arm round me when he came to ask a question. Sounds awful when written down, out of context when you don't know me and you don't know him, but he behaved like this with everyone - women and men. His behaviour wasn't threatening or intrusive. He was great at his job. Treated everyone in the organisation with respect and he received respect back. I could equally say I hated it, found it intimidating, I felt undermined. Which statement do you believe and how would you go about investigating that 25 years later?

I wouldn't report.

In the nicest way possible where is your proof?

No criminal offence has been committed so there isn’t any point contacting the police.

It would be a breach of employment laws and a sackable offence, but no reasonable employer would look back 20 years even if you both still worked for the same employer. His current employer wouldn’t have any interest as the allegations pre date his employment.

So there’s nobody to report it to.

That’s the reality. However, moving away from the harsh reality of above, it’s clear you need to deal with whatever happened. I do wonder if it’s plaguing you now because you were sexually assaulted - and it’s making you question previous events.

My advice would be to have a chat with a counsellor and see if the two events are somehow linked and if so, try and find a way past it.

It is a difficult one. Things like this do need reporting as for all anyone knows, he could still be doing the same/ similar to other women. But as PP have said, who to report it to?

I recently had a comment like this from a man who at first seemed not to be the type (tried to project a good image but the mask soon slipped) and is a teacher so you would think he would know better, and it was not nice think that he works with kids and I feel for his female colleagues.

These types of comments are also particularly demeaning - not just sexual but speak of issues with power and control which is where abuse stems from.

I think it is the think end of the wedge but frequent 'low level' harassment and bullying is no less important than rape and sexual assault. It is the climate where these comments are acceptable or go unchallenged makes women's lives a misery and that encourages some men to go further.

I didn't challenge him as I was shocked, but also in my head was the attitude that has sadly has appeared on this thread of "should I complain, it isn't that serious. He will only say he was joking and turn it back onto me". Never mind that it isn't remotely funny.

But now women have the chance to re-draw the line and it needs to move a long way - not just a little bit so as not to upset or inconvenience the men at all. So I think report it somehow to someone. Men like this need to feel that they cannot go on doing this.

Hillarious I have similar experience. I used to work in a male based industry and quite often my supervisor would put his hands on my shoulders whilst stood behind my chair talking to me. I felt no threat or sexual undertone whatsoever. I could now put any spin on it and make it out to be something it never was.

mum11970 - and I'm sure we both say what we've said mindful that some people in other organisations will have had the opposite experience to us.

Honestly you sound like you haven't dealt with it or moved on if it is still making you angry 20 yrs on. Reporting him is probably not going to give you the resolution you need - have you thought about having some counselling to resolve it?

Think about how you would report it now - you would tell your employer, who hopefully would deal with it with a view to stopping him doing it to you. I think if you called his current employer you would be seen as vexatious and could well be committing an offence yourself. If you want to find out about reporting it, you could call 101 and ask them, I don't think you should be discouraged from that.

I understand how you feel but I'm not sure you could report it after all this time unless you have witnesses and evidence.

Because of all of the stuff in the news recently I've been dwelling on some harassment that I received at work 23 years ago. I didn't report it at the time because I was so afraid of this man and the damage he could have done to my career and reputation. He was devious and clever in the way he harassed me and was even able to get away with abusing me in front of my manager by pretending it was harmless banter. I escaped him by transferring to a different part of the company.

My harasser came unstuck about 5 years after he harassed me. He was sacked for indecent exposure ( he picked on the wrong women that time)

I feel glad that he was found out but also guilty that I could possible have prevented him harassing the victims that came after me.