I've smoked since I was 18, and I'm now 25.
I was a "social smoker" between 18 and 21, just when I was out drinking mostly. It became a fixture when I got my first job at 21, because it got me out of the office (hellish job, horrible co-workers) for five minutes every couple of hours.
I quit completely while I was pregnant with my DD, and kept it up until she was about three months old, when we had a whole heap of issues with her weight gain. Stress, desperation and general knackered-ness had me picking them back up and now I probably smoke between 10 and 15 roll-ups a day (mostly before she wakes up/is napping/in bed in the evening).
I'm not even bloody enjoying it anymore. I know I must stink of it, I hate smoking knowing she's getting to an age where she's going to be picking up on everything I do. I just can't stop. I like rolling them, the whole routine of shredding up the tobacco, faffing with the filters and the papers and rolling away. But it's making me feel crap and I cough like mad some mornings.
But... I can't stop. I've tried fiddling with fidget spinners, straws, a gameboy, just to keep my hands occupied, but I always find myself reaching for them. Has anyone stopped and stayed stopped? How did you do it? Is it worth doing the NHS stop smoking programmes? Do I need to make a GP's appointment for a referral or anything?
Help.