About seeing family at Christmas?

[FGSholdthedoor]

My parents and DH do not get along.

Up to now Christmas wasn't an issue due to a slight difference in cultures - my DP(arents) celebrate on Christmas Eve (24th of Dec) and DH family celebrate on Christmas Day (25th) like everyone else. So I would go to my DPs on Christmas Eve with DCs and we would all go to my PILs on Christmas Day.

However this year my DM started a new job and has told me there's a 99% chance she will have to work Christmas Eve so won't be able to celebrate on that day and will most likely be doing the meal on the 25th.
She heavily hinted she will want me there. And I expect a massive fallout if I'm not.
She knows we go to PILs on the 25th.

Due to the fallout my DH does not see or speak to my DPs at all and doesn't attend Christmas at their house. We have small DCs and I feel we should spend Christmas day with DH and his family like always.

I think if my DPs can't celebrate on the 24th they should do the 26th instead or at least not expect me to be there if they are adamant about 25th.
I know as soon as I bring it up it will all get turned on me and they will say how I'm putting PILs above my DPs or how "it's just one year" or how they expected me to make an exception etc etc

AIBU?

Is there any way to manage this without causing a fallout?

OP, so your mum bursts into tears when she doesn’t get her way? Very manipulative; but if she does it on the phone to you, you can simply say that she is to stop and you won’t change your plans. Tell her when she’s stopped with the emotional blackmail you’ll discuss when you are available. Then hang up. Treat her like a spoilt child having a tantrum.

Just tell her now that you are busy.

@Madwoman5 your post makes so much sense. I wish I said that when she initially brought it up but I just went silent and started mentally prepping myself to face the drama when it arises.
If I did what you put it would probably be ok now.

But now I've let it hang in the air and I feel everything will just aggravate it.

I’d just state that the DC don’t want to be away from their dad on Xmas so you won’t be attending

Just thought I'd post a quick update.

Thanks for all the advice again. As I thought approaching the subject when my DF was present was the best course of action as my DM was ready to play on it.

I was over the other week and I said I just wanted to clarify that there probably won't be much of a fuss around Christmas this year as baby will only be 2-3 weeks old so I will come with DS and baby in the morning and leave around 4.30 ish to get home and get settled etc. I mentioned this mostly as 4.30/5 would usually be the time we eat.
I also asked again about DMs working days and got a non committal reply, so said how it's tricky as PILs are obviously celebrating on 25th and then BiL with wife and kids travels down to see other DGPs after so we will be celebrating with them.
I asked my parents what day they were thinking? Before or after? Etc
DM started something about how she's not sure she'd want to be celebrating Christmas at all if it's week before or after as its not much of a Christmas etc and DF kind of cut her off (seeing what was happening) and said "well if you're working Christmas Eve then we won't be celebrating our Christmas anyway so we can do it any other day".

So I suppose that's settled for now I'm just waiting for them to confirm days. I'm glad I decided to do it when DF was there as I can imagine my DM would've been laying on the guilt otherwise.