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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To google men I meet on Tinder?

32 replies

GetOutOfMYGarden · 07/11/2017 11:59

I was discussing this with a friend today. I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. Before I met up with him for the first time, I googled him and had a good look through his facebook, to check that he wasn't someone who'd been in the local news for something awful and to make sure I wasn't being catfished. I wasn't trying to find out anything weird, just a basic background check.

DF finds this very creepy and doesn't understand why you'd look it up at all. My boyfriend isn't arsed that I googled him and he googled me as well before meeting me in person.

Would you have looked them up before meeting in person for the first time?

OP posts:

InsomniacAnonymous · 07/11/2017 12:02

Yes of course. It's not "creepy" it's common sense. Your friend must be incrediby naive.

c3pu · 07/11/2017 12:02

I vet all the women I meet up with in this way to make sure they are who they say they are.

I think it's highly sensible!

rizlett · 07/11/2017 12:03

My current partner did this before we were together but one day he was outresearched by someone who turned up to meet him - with a whole dossier on him!

She had printed it all out and bought it along with her.

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 07/11/2017 12:04

What do you do if you can't find anything?

kmc1111 · 07/11/2017 12:05

I'd google. I wouldn't go very deep into their social media though, just enough to verify they are who they say they are.

It's creepy when you meet someone new and it becomes clear they remember more about what you were doing in 2010 than you do.

Monkeybunkey · 07/11/2017 12:06

I google and facebook search anyone I've met online. It's saved me wasting time meeting up with someone who clearly is not who they're pretending to be! Better safe than sorry.

orangewasp · 07/11/2017 12:11

It's a sensible precaution to do a quick online check before meeting up.

Beerwench · 07/11/2017 12:12

Wish I had, I'd have learned some important information that would have saved me 3 years of hell. Well 18 months of thinking I'd finally found someone decent and then 18 months of hell. I didn't meet him through OLD but, I knew nothing of his background, I met him through work and he was from a different area - and well known in that area as well, but me and the circle I knew didn't have a clue. A google search would have saved me that, I'd have found out what I needed to know.
I think when you meet someone local, or 'known' through friends etc, then there's already a bit of background available there, when you use OLD there isn't, only what the person chooses to tell you on their profile and unfortunately, that's not always the truth. I think it's sensible to find out the basics through a google search, when you have no other way of finding out who you're planning to meet and date. I have used OLD a bit and always Google someone I plan to meet and look at their Facebook. I'd expect them to do the same.

Original poster

GetOutOfMYGarden · 07/11/2017 12:13

SleepingInYourFlowerbed Go to the facebook profile and see how legit it looks. Things like mutual friends, other people interacting with them on posts, multiple profile pictures over a period time and other people tagging them in pictures are good signs.

If I'm in doubt I'll refuse to meet them.

OP posts:

RatRolyPoly · 07/11/2017 12:18

Oh hell yes, Google away! I rejected loads of "possibles" based on the results of Google searches before we'd even made it out to the pub.

Original poster

GetOutOfMYGarden · 07/11/2017 12:18

In practice though, very few people have no online presence at all. Especially people doing OLD! Additionally if they've mentioned a job with a register you can double check that they're actually on it, I've caught a few 'healthcare professionals' out with that...

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 07/11/2017 12:19

I always ask to see their Facebook page and for a landline as I find that this is the quickest way to ascertain that they are genuinely single

Tedster77 · 07/11/2017 12:19

My friend did and he has multiple convictions including prison sentences for rape and assault. He'd only just been released. He seemed like a lovely guy - she met him walking her dog not on OLD.

We were both .

VladmirsPoutine · 07/11/2017 12:23

It's common sense. That said, I once went on a date with a man that seemed to know quite a lot about my work history; it was rather unnerving. I have a limited / private FB but I have an open LinkedIn profile as I'm often head-hunted. He was asking me about job roles and positions I've held which he clearly had seen. It was all rather odd.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/11/2017 12:26

Another guy managed to find my sister's profile and asked quite smugly if I'd enjoyed my 'holiday' with my sister to the Netherlands. Thing is, I'm half Dutch so it wasn't really a holiday - the Netherlands was and has been my home for a huge chunk of my life. . I said my thank-yous and left. What a bloody creep!

TheStoic · 07/11/2017 12:29

Why wouldn’t you?

BriechonCheese · 07/11/2017 12:32

It's common sense. You have to use the resources available to you in order to protect yourself.

My friend met some bloke OLD who kept constantly talking about how he was an architect and doing this amazing project. He sounded really convincing until he slipped up very slightly (my friend's brother is an architect so she knew the basic lingo) and after a quick RIBA search it turned out he wasn't an architect and didn't live with a "messy flatmate in a loft apartment overlooking the Thames". He was however, an estate agent who lived with his wife and their two kids a 40 min commute out of Waterloo. Thanks to Facebook she avoided getting involved in affair she didn't know about.

YouthsAStuffWillNotEndure · 07/11/2017 12:33

What does being catfished mean?

Original poster

GetOutOfMYGarden · 07/11/2017 12:36

YouthsAStuffWillNotEndure Where someone pretends to be someone they're not online. They'll use fake pictures, create a fake profile on facebook, tell you things that aren't true and then when you meet up it could be absolutely anyone.

OP posts:

sammylady37 · 07/11/2017 13:01

Gosh I wouldn't give out my landline to a potential date who asked for it, as a pp mentioned. Very few people have my home phone number, and the reason is that I want to keep that for those v close to me. I can very easily turn off or mute my mobile, but I like to keep my landline on for those few people. No way would I give the number to a casual acquaintance.
Similarly if someone tried to look me up on Facebook they wouldn't find me, because I use the Irish version of my name, which is quite unusual. This is so that my patients can't find me on it.

So not everyone who seems to not have a social media presence is a spoofer, just bear that in mind!

ToastyFingers · 07/11/2017 13:07

I think if I were OD I would do this, surely it's only sensible.

I don't think they'd find much about me though, I don't really use any social media. I don't have a land-line either, I'm not shady though honestly, just a private person.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 07/11/2017 13:27

Yes, it's good sense. I met my current boyfriend on Tinder and checked him out as much as I could before we met. Everything I found matched up with things he'd told me (where he worked, things relating to his hobby etc) which made him more trustworthy. He's since proved to be one of the most honest, straightforward people I have ever met!

If you know the company someone works for and their first name (both often available on a Tinder profile) then that's enough to find their LinkedIn profile and so their last name and than you have enough to do a general Google on. Doesn't work if they have a common first name and work for a large company though! Or if they don't have LinkedIn...
Also, if their phone number is linked to their Facebook profile, they'll come up as "people you may know".

Someone with no online presence at all would ring major alarm bells to me. I know some people don't really do social media but it's rare in this day and age. It wouldn't be enough to put me off meeting them but it'd be a flag of some colour!

thefutureisours · 07/11/2017 13:30

I googled a guy I'd been I a few dates with and found out he had been charged with assaulting his ex, her new partner and her mum. Thank goodness I did.

Oysterbabe · 07/11/2017 13:33

I always did this.
Sometimes they used the same username for their dating profile as internet forums and YouTube etc. You can sometimes find out quite a lot. I also made no secret of it and always told them if I'd found anything interesting when on the date.

BulletFox · 07/11/2017 13:35

It's a pretty basic check though, isn't it?

I think of Facebook as being a personal thing so would roll my eyes a little if a stranger wanted to access it.

I wouldn't mind whatsoever if they wanted to do a criminal record check etc

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