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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Offensive children tshirt

85 replies

UserWhatYouLike · 05/11/2017 13:54

Was at soft play earlier with my sister and our respective dc. My dc are white British, sisters are mixed white British/Jamaican.

As we were leaving a black woman came up to my sister and had a go at her, telling her that her sons top was offensive and that she should be ashamed of herself for putting it on him as it is racist because it had ‘cheeky monkey’ written on it. It’s just a bog standard long sleeved tshirt from Asda. My sister told the woman to mind her own business and we left. My sister is furious, she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, and the fact this was all done in front of the dc is getting to her as she had to explain to her 6 year old he wasn’t racist. But it’s got me thinking if she would have said something if it was one of my white dc wearing it?

Would you think it was offensive/racist if you saw it? And does it make a difference the race of the child wearing it?

OP posts:
GracielaSabrocita · 05/11/2017 14:34

In all honesty, if I were a white parent with a black or mixed race child I definitely would NOT consider dressing them in any item of clothing referring to monkeys. White people referring to people of colour as monkeys has a long and shameful history, regardless of whether or not one is aware of it.

ArcheryAnnie · 05/11/2017 14:41

Thing is, I can see where the other mother is coming from. There's a long, long history of Black people being characterised as "monkeys" by racists - it's understandable not to get why this is a big deal if you are white and you have never encountered this as a loaded term, but it really is a loaded term. And if you are not bothered by it (whether you are white or not), then great, but it's as well to understand why some people are, and why some people are just sick to the back teeth of encountering it as a thing.

Cheeseontoastie · 05/11/2017 14:43

The shop was matalan. Not sure how to do links.

whiskyowl · 05/11/2017 14:45

Was she American? I gather the term "monkey" is a LOT more racially charged across the pond. Obviously, racist caricatures of black people as monkeys aren't OK here either, but the phrase "cheeky monkey" doesn't have a racial charge here, whereas I think it might in some parts of the States. (I saw a video where an American woman got upset with Russell Brand for saying "we're all monkeys", meaning we are all just evolved apes - but to her it had a different connotation).

NoNoCharlieRascal · 05/11/2017 14:45

Many years a go I got disciplined at a nursery I worked in for calling a mixed raced child a cheeky monkey. It was the end of the day, he was the last child and was messing about on the soft play area. I simply said ' come on cheeky monkey, it's time to get ready for mummy'. A member of staff reported me for being racist. Complete twat.

greendale17 · 05/11/2017 14:46

Cheeky monkey has being used in many kids clothing and toys

Nor racist whatsoever

TheLegendOfBeans · 05/11/2017 14:47

Some folk out there are just desperate to be offended.

It’s this crap that obscures the complaints of those who have genuine cause to be offended or upset.

Ttbb · 05/11/2017 14:48

That's clearly a reflection on the speaker. If you see a child wearing a mi key tshirt and think it's racist because the child is wearing black then that reveals your own prejudices. Normal people who are not racism wouldn't even be able to make that connection.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/11/2017 14:52

I generally think white people should not use the phrase ‘monkey’ in any way towards someone who is dual heritage or black.

Because you can look racist even if you’re not (like in this case where you’re their mum).

BertrandRussell · 05/11/2017 14:52

"White people referring to people of colour as monkeys has a long and shameful history, regardless of whether or not one is aware of it."
This.

BertrandRussell · 05/11/2017 14:54

I am pretty dubious about the OP to be honest. But it is disingenuous to state that there is no history of black people being called "monkeys". As I said- ask any black footballer.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 05/11/2017 14:57

I agree completely and utterly with gracie

Capricorn76 · 05/11/2017 14:57

Of course there is a long history of black people being associated with monkeys by racist white people however, black people don't see the association and that's why I called BS on the OP. If it was a well meaning white liberal with a 'white mans burden' complex complaining about the t-shirt then I could see it but I can't see a black woman making a fuss about it. It's racist white people that see black=monkey not black people. As an aside don't the racists that make monkey noises realises that it's actually THEM acting/looking like monkeys? It's beyond dumb but I guess they're too stupid to realise!

It's like the black lives matters protestors chaining themselves at Heathrow. I didn't even need to see the picture in the paper to know black people weren't involved.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 05/11/2017 14:58

Its not disingenuous to say that

Its a complete and utter lie

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 05/11/2017 14:59

the person who equates black people with monkeys is the racist

I disagree. I think it just means that person is older.
Calling a black person a monkey, throwing bananas at black football players, making monkey noises at black people, saying things like ‘climb back up your tree’, were sadly very common place in the 70s and 80s.

I have stopped myself from calling a black child a cheeky monkey before now because in my mind it’s still a racist term.

Fekko · 05/11/2017 14:59

I called my DS 'monkey' when he was little. DH used to sing the cheeky monkey song to him when he was a toddler. He even had a toy monkey (as dud my sister when she was little). DS has emerged unscathed (and still mixed race).

I was working with a woman who one day came into the office incandescent with rage at an expression used by a colleague (which I can't for the life of me remember) which she took to be racist. She didn't know how but was absolutely certain it was.

It was something I'd never heard (an Australian saying) but couldn't figure out the racist element. I did a good old google search and could find nothing untoward about the expression, nor on the context it was used in. I showed the upset colleague and she just shrugged and said that it sounded odd so she had thought it must've been racist. Thank god she didn't go steaming down to the other office as she was planning to do.

Some people's radars are very high on matters if racism, sexism, again, any-ism really. I suppose if you had grown up with this as an insult then you'd be very sensitive.

BertrandRussell · 05/11/2017 15:00

What was the phrase, Fekko?

Cheeseontoastie · 05/11/2017 15:03

That's not actually true Capricorn. I remember when the cadburys advert came out with the gorrilla playing the drums I know black people who said it was racist.

Bourdic · 05/11/2017 15:03

I find some of the comments on here breathtakingingly arrogant - completely disregarding evidence from various sources and posters that use of the word ’ monkey’ is racially charged. People who have experienced racism in the past can understandably still be upset years later if specific words or phrases reemerge in some context. It’s easy to enough to use another other word or phrase - how about you cheeky little boy/girl?

Fekko · 05/11/2017 15:05

I wish I could remember but it was something about someone offering a bribe (so colleague A had said to colleague B that we shouldn't cash a 'donation' cheque as she felt that it was unethical becayse A was raising some concerns about the donator).

It really didn't have a race context. I must ask (another) Australian colleague when I get back in the office. It's the only time I'd ever heard the expression though. Colleague B did have her radar in high sometimes though.

Bourdic · 05/11/2017 15:08

If using a specific term makes you look like a racist, then just stop using it (same argument re sexism at Westminster and elsewhere). Are you honestly saying that it’s ok to let people use racist terms because it makes them look bad so it’s their problem?

Coconutspongexo · 05/11/2017 15:10

This reply has been deleted

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TheStoic · 05/11/2017 15:11

Of course there is a long history of black people being associated with monkeys by racist white people however, black people don't see the association and that's why I called BS on the OP

Huh? Why would they NOT see the association? They don’t believe it’s true, they believe it’s racist.

Wilburissomepig · 05/11/2017 15:16

That's not actually true Capricorn. I remember when the cadburys advert came out with the gorrilla playing the drums I know black people who said it was racist.

What? In what world would a gorilla playing the drums be racist? What did your friends find racist about it? It didn't offend me in the slightest, why on earth would it?