Another present one

[JaceLancs]

In my family surprise present buying isn’t the norm we usually exchange lists or give vouchers or cash - often towards a bigger item that the recipient wants - I don’t have a problem with any of that and generally give what I can afford - although we don’t have a set budget we do tend to stick to similar amounts
I don’t have in depth information as to people’s financial circumstances although am pretty sure I am the least affluent
Last Christmas a family member as well as small gifts eg slippers put on their list - money towards new tyres for their car! I assumed they were struggling financially and as i felt it was a necessity offered to buy either a pair of new tyres or 4 part worn to help them out (this was more than I would normally have spent)
Another family member did the same so we each bought 2 each
Then a few months later we found out by chance that this person had over £30,000 in savings
AIBU to be more than a bit miffed and buy them a box of chocolates this year despite what they put on their list?

Surely it is nit about how much they have in the bank? Buy something you can easily afford.

So you give money but there’s an expectation of what it’s spent on?

Yes sometimes people ask for money towards something more expensive so I might put on my list ‘money towards new watch’ and then it’s up to people what they give (most family members give 20-30 a head) just to give context

I'd just get them something small, or give money unconditionally this year. I can see both sides, in that you should think about giving the money unconditionally, if the recipient wants to save it so they've got £30k in the bank, or if they want to use it to buy something specific it's down to them after the money leaves your hands and becomes theirs.

I can see it as a bit cheeky though, I'd just ask for money and not put a reason if I had £30k savings, especially for something essential like tyres, putting something like that on a list is a bit misleading, it's like putting "money so that I can top up the electric and gas meter" makes it looks like you're struggling to run your home, when you're not.

You should have just given the usual £20-30 that you would give for a ‘money towards’ gift. If they were fishing towards al they tyres being bought for them then that’s wrong but it doesn’t sound like they necessarily were?

I would be miffed, you did a good thing because you thought a family member needed some extra help. They took advantage which is not the spirit of Christmas. I would most definitely scale the gift this year. A box of chocolates, is fine as a token present and the tyres spread over two years evens things out a bit and will make you feel less annoyed. Perhaps in future, if you suspect people may be having difficulties maybe you could make discreet enquires or contact directly. All things said and done OP, you did a good time and they are CF.

Did they give the impression of not being able to afford them? They might not have realised you would jump to that conclusion and we're just being practical rather than treating themselves.

Sorry, 'were' being practical not 'we're' being practical.