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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad feeling after this house viewing?

184 replies

RainbowsAndCrystals · 04/11/2017 19:54

Empty for years and still had the items in from the previous owner .. shoes, teddy bears, scrapbooks full of newspaper cuttings. Even an old highchair.

I just got a sad feeling about the place, like something bad happened there.

Aibu? Or has anyone else had a sad/error feeling about a place?

OP posts:
Ellendegeneres · 05/11/2017 15:03

greyponcho I was a bit put out by it, won't lie. Specially as ndn used to be a dressmaker and the doll thing must have been almost an antique- she used to have it proudly displayed in her lounge and would tell me stories about making her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren etc clothes.
I have had questions over her ongoing health- I wonder if she's got dementia. But either way, to throw her personal effects into a skip was awful to see.

moralminority · 05/11/2017 16:02

One of the first houses we viewed was advertised as furnished. As we had no furniture at all we thought we would view it. It turned out the old man who owned it had died and his family who lived away were selling it. There were all his things there, the wardrobes full of suits and ties etc. It just felt like he had nipped out and we shouldn’t be there. It was seeing his brylcream next to his comb on top of a small mirrored cupboard in the kitchen that finished me off, it just brought back memories of my grandad, who always wore a suit and brylcreamed his hair. We didn’t buy the house, it just felt too sad.

Spangles1963 · 05/11/2017 16:51

OMG BMW6 That brought tears to my eyes. Sad

Spangles1963 · 05/11/2017 16:59

Reading some of these reminded me of the day my DM died,6 years ago this very week. I had come back from the hospital with my brother,and we went to her house to see to the cats. Up until then,I'd felt numb inside and unable to cry. I opened a kitchen cupboard to get some cat food out and saw a row of boxes of cheese and broccoli cupa-soup,which my DM loved. Just seeing them sitting there,and knowing that they would never get eaten now choked me up.

TonTonMacoute · 05/11/2017 17:44

A friend of mine went to look at a flat that had been empty for a while, and had been used as the set for tv series Prime Suspect with the young Jane Tennison in the 1970s.

All the stuff was still there, and she was so hypnotised by being in this 70s time warp that she forgot to look at the flat.

JoyceDivision · 05/11/2017 18:18

Mil died 5 year ago, day before christmas eve, after being advised yo go to hospital by gp to get badchest checked two days earlier.

Dh had to go to her flat to get some items and turn offitems inflat. The christmas tree lights were on with presents underneath,she had literally popped up to the hospital for a check and was laughing they better not keep her in for christmas.

sisterofmercy · 05/11/2017 18:45

TheVanguardSix Sun 05-Nov-17 12:35:24 - this post is so beautifully written.

I feel quite heartsore after reading all these warm and humane stories. You are lovely people to care about complete strangers so.

Reluctant2ndtimer · 05/11/2017 21:13

Dh and I bought our current house off 2 elderly ladies, one had dementia and had gone in a home a while since, and the other had recently joined her but was still dealing with the sale. She explained that she was still in the process of clearing out their possesions but she only a had few distant relatives and the other lady’s family didn’t want any of it so they were getting a house clearance company but were being charged a fortune for it. We told them just to leave it to us and save themselves the money. They were very grateful and so were we. They left some beautiful things, linen and furniture etc. Dh and I were almost as pleased as they were that their loved possessions weren’t going to end up unloved in a junk shop or sale room. They left a dead orchid on one of the window sills that I miraculously brought back to life and sent it to them in the carehome in full bloom and it was lovely to be able to let them know that we were very happy in their old home. We’ve barely changed a thing yet so it still looks a lot like it did when they had it but very much feels like ours.
This thread has made me more conscious of the amount of things in my parents home though. They have a big house and barn full of 50 years worth of married life, things from their own parents and loads of stuff my siblings and I have collected over the years too. Hopefully they have many years ahead of them but that’s going to be a huge job to deal with once they do go, and so heartbreaking. All those memories...

Pinkpowerofthought · 05/11/2017 21:23

I've just bought a house that had very poor interior and the lady is now in a care home after not being able to live here even with support of carers and family.
The way I see it is that this woman had her family here and a happy home. It's time to put life back in and fulfil its potential. It can be a happy home for us too. A lot of work and money but it's a big family house with heaps of potential. Why let it go to waste.

JWrecks · 05/11/2017 21:44

What a lovely, sad, beautiful thread. I've been teary-eyed throughout, but then @Vanguard put me right over the edge.

The stories of beloved homes and things just being thrown away break my heart, but I've been crying tears of joy at the stories of people using and keeping and loving the left-behind things. I think their previous owners would be very happy to know their items were useful and loved again.

We were told by our agent that the seller had two identical offers, but they chose ours specifically because we planned to live here full time and love the place as our permanent home, while the other offer only wanted a getaway type place.

Actually, I think the story of my current house fits into this thread. This could be a bit outing, as if you know this area then you probably know the property, but there aren't too many people who'll fit that bill anyway, so here goes.

Our current house is VERY rural. As rural as you can get, I imagine. We learned through the agents that it had belonged to the seller's (almost elderly?) now deceased parents, who had used it as a weekend retreat every single weekend, and had been working toward moving here full time. However, before they could finish it completely, they both passed away, rather suddenly, within a few months of each other, leaving it in a half-remodeled state. They had saved for years to acquire it, had worked very hard on it with their own hands, and had loved it very much.

After they passed, the house and land were left abandoned for a few years, and vandals had squatted in the house and really torn it apart. They stole everything except the toilet - all the cupboards and worktops, all of the bloody flooring, the radiators, the wires and pipes out of the walls, the water heating system (whatever it had been...), and even the front door, I mean everything, and it appears they may have burned the furniture for firewood as well - and damaged everything else, and then left it, quite literally, a fly tip. The house is structurally VERY sound, yet everything on the surface is quite weather worn and run down. The entire property outdoors was wildly overgrown and had been taken over by ugly weeds and vines and such (I'm learning plants still, forgive me!), but we could tell underneath, as soon as we'd cut things back, that it had once been very beautiful and very well cared for.

We spoke to a 'neighbour' (word used loosely here, haha) who knew the previous owners, and he - this very tough, very stoic and stiff upper lip, hard as nails, ex forces, life-long farmer and hunter type - actually got a tear in his eye when he spoke of what happened, how the previous owners had left and not returned so abruptly, and how awful it was what had happened to the place after. Everyone we've spoken to, in fact, has thanked us profusely for taking the property and making it right again.

Though the house looked quite terrifying when we first entered, given the amount of work it will (still!) take to get it back to good, but there was never any feeling of sadness about it to us. In fact, the overall feeling here is quite happy and carefree, safe and cosy, and very much a feeling of home, and we both fell head over heels in love with the place from the instant we laid eyes on it.

However, it sat here unsold and abandoned for years though it was going for a shockingly low price, even considering the work needed, so I imagine it likely DID have that terrible feeling to the many previous viewers who maybe weren't right for it...

(Right, sorry for the long post! I have really got to stop doing that!)

LenaLoveWitch · 06/11/2017 00:10

Went to a viewing with my mother in the 70s in NI - photos and furniture in the house but clearly noon living there. It felt wired. There was a ladder propped against the wall. We discovered afterwards that terrorists had climbed the ladder and shot the man of the house (a policeman) in bed, the family left that day and didnt return.

PussCatTheGoldfish · 06/11/2017 09:42

When MIL moved into her house in the early sixties there was a framed picture the previous occupant had left in the loft. It's of a young girl shepherding lambs. MIL liked that sort of thing so hung it back on the wall. When she took it down to clean she found it was a picture cut from a large calendar (it is A2ish size) dated 1899. It's still hanging there.

I try to be unsentimental about my possessions. I keep the bits that really matter, but I used to work in an auctioneers and saw a lot of clearances in that time.

HamishBamish · 06/11/2017 09:57

When we viewed our current house there were towels left on the bathroom floor and dishes in the sink which had clearly been there for some time. It was an absolute midden.

It turned out that the owner had had a stroke and the house and had collapsed in the bathroom. The house hadn't been touched since she was admitted to hospital and then to a nursing home. There were relatives, but they left a lot of very personal items in the home which we found after we exchanged. The attic was full! We packed them up and sent them to the lady's solicitor, but I'm not sure if she ever received them.

It is sad when you see such personal items discarded like that OP.

dratsea · 06/11/2017 11:10

My father was born in late 20s. He became a civil engineer. He designed his own house in his thirties which my parents (and 4 children) lived in as home for 40 yrs. Most of us had some part in its build, I was in my teens during original build and camped on site to protect the site and was "site foreman", mixed 20cu yds concrete by hand (well loaded it into a mixer). Next brother supervised extension to garage and the next the swimming pool, and that was an immense digging job. It had loads of really clever tricks in the build, original uses of slate/teak/steel. When it became too much for him he sold it, to a builder for "his son to live in". We, the children, cleaned it up to a pristine state. Within 6 weeks it was bulldozed, I have never been back to the site.

laptopshmaptop · 06/11/2017 11:22

Dratsea
That must have been gut-wrenching Sad
I’m so sorry for you.

My dads house goes up for sale today. It’s the home I grew up in from the age of 2. I’m really hoping some lovely young family buys it, and make the same kind of amazing memories we did there.

PoisonousSmurf · 06/11/2017 11:24

We viewed a house back in 2000 and the tenant still lived in it, but in squalid conditions! It was a four bed house but he lived downstairs on a mattress with piles of newspapers around.
It stank as well Sad

PoisonousSmurf · 06/11/2017 11:34

Recently my grandparents died within two years of each other. They married in 1941 and after the war moved into a new housing estate near Blaize Castle in Bristol.
They were in their mid 90s when they passed and were the original couple that had lived in their street from the very beginning.
We had hoped that their home would have gone to a young family, but it was very old fashioned and they had done NOTHING to it, still had some of the old electrical outlets.
The only modern things were a new boiler and telephone.
Now the home is rented out to Polish migrants who seem to be all single. So it's not even a family home Sad

dratsea · 06/11/2017 11:54

laptop

Thanks, gut wrenching - true and very sad but we engaged brain rather than gut. His 4 children have 6 children between them, we did even think about buying the house between two of us but the last of his six grandchildren will (with luck) be off to uni next year so we did not need a 5 bedroom detached house in the middle of nowhere. I have retired to a provincial house on a bus route, within 500m of two pubs (well one is rubbish) a really good Indian restaurant that does takeaway, 600m to two chippies and 800m to Waitrose, all on the flat. Within 1km (up slight slope into town) is a 'spoons, kebab shop, two Italians, two proper butchers, brilliant hardware, greengrocer that does veg boxes, more pubs, coffee shops and.....[lots of charity shops]

I think it was a dream of those who survived WW2 to have a detached house out of town, my dad did get to own his dream but perhaps one that is not pertinent to today? tbh I think after mum died he could have retired to small flat in centre of town, could even have afforded London but he had a dog, two cats and a house full of memories.

laptopshmaptop · 06/11/2017 12:19

*Dratsea
*
I get what you say. My 21yr old DD has been flat hunting recently and a few people have expressed surprise that she isn’t taking on the house. My Dads is a 3 bed detached bungalow with a huge garden in a residential area, so probably more suited to a natural continuation of the family home scenario. Or maybe even an older couple looking for their ‘forever’ home.

Not a 21yr old (non-gardening, slightly untidy) just starting out in life. The council tax would be too much for her anyway.

It’s strange. My DB always joked that we’d fight over the house when the time came, but we’re both firmly settled where we are and selling up seemed a no-brainer in the end. It will just be very sad to see it go.

dratsea · 06/11/2017 12:37

laptop

Agree, I share the sadness of seeing the family home go but it could be for more memories made by one or more families. Hopefully the "huge garden" will not be noticed by developers.

FloControl · 06/11/2017 14:56

One way of ensuring developers don't get to demolish an existing house or build more on the land is to insert a Restrictive Covenant into the Title Deeds, which effectively forbids such things. It's a job for a Property Lawyer. The downside is reducing the potential buyers pool.

taratill · 06/11/2017 15:55

My cousin went to view a house once, it was an old terraced house which he had a view to renovated.

It was much as described on here, the old lady had died and the house hadn't been cleared.

It was very spooky though as when he looked in the house there was a picture of me and my siblings. What he didn't know was that the house had been owned by a great aunt of mine from the other side of the family.

He didn't buy it.

mazylou · 06/11/2017 16:50

My mum died some years ago, and she had been determined to remain in her home - she did, but couldn't manage stairs, and had carers (and us) in all the time. Clearing her house was horrible, but I looked it up online the other day, and the people who have bought it have done a lovely job, it looks like a great little house again. My dad bought it when he was in his late forties - a couple of his friends dropped dead, and we lived in tied houses, so he wanted somewhere for us in case the same happened to him.

Horsemad · 06/11/2017 17:40

This is a sad and a heartwarming thread, such a shame that people scrimp and save all their lives for things they desire and yet at the end they can't even be given away Sad

Make you wonder what is the point of it all?

Maireadplastic · 06/11/2017 17:51

OP, if you've been put off then so have other viewers. To me, that would smell like a potential bargain. I know, I'm a callous bitch!