To not expect to put up with....

[givemeabreakkiddo]

A text every half hour from ‘D’P when I go on a rare night out asking if any men have ‘tried it on’ with me? 10 years we’ve been together! 10 bloody years!

So fed up of his controlling ways.

If I didn’t reply he would accuse me of being unfaithful or not caring about him

So just tell him if he has so little trust in you he can fuck off.

Mind you, in answer to the question whether anyone's been hitting on you, I'd be tempted to answer "Yes, and I'm in bed with three of them at the moment."

Tell him, just before you go out, that you will not be replying to any texts that question your behaviour or what you are doing.

And then stick to that. Give your mate your phone to hold for you.

When he accuses you, ask him how it would make him feel if you did the same to him.

This isn’t either normal or healthy behaviour.

Ignore him, when he accuses you of cheating or not caring say “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”
You just have to end it the only thing stopping you is you.

Sounds to me like he's suffering from anxiety and would benefit from professional help.

If I didn’t reply he would accuse me of being unfaithful or not caring about him

Would that help expedite matters in terms of getting rid?

@ButchyRestingFace I don’t think so. Really he knows I’d never be unfaithful but for some reason likes to cause a fuss when I’m anywhere but with him.

@NeganLovesLucille This is exactly how it is. My life would be even more miserable if I ignored him.

My dh used to be a bit like this. He did not ask if men had hit on me, just things like 'how is it going?', ' are you having fun?' 'What are you up to?' and then various other questions that he just didn't need to ask. I know they seem innocent enough but I'd usually only be out an hour before the texts started. I sat him down and told him I wasn't going to put up with it. He needed to trust me. We ended up.going to relate for a different reason but all of this came out there. His controlling behaviour was because his own private behaviour was less than innocent. He hasn't cheated, but his online activity broke some of the ground rules to our relationship. He suspected me because he was guilty.

@Whatsername17 We have lots of issues as a couple. He wants to brush everything under the carpet and carryon as ‘normal’. I’m unfortunately at the point where I’m beyond caring or wanting to try anymore. Just miserable at the moment

Can posters please STOP trying to give the OP advice on how to handle or change her abusive husband?!
OP please contact women's aid to talk it over. You do need to leave and the kids will be better off out of that toxic environment though it may not feel like that at first.

@AdalindSchade I’ve tribeen d calling woman’s aid but it just keeps ringing and ringing

You sound exactly as I was. Relate saved us. I kicked him out for a bit but we are in a better place now x

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that so mnay posters think that you can change this man. he is controlling and will not change. It's easy to say, but you need to leave.

It was easier for me because we didn't have children. I tried to leave him once, but went back because I was so scared of being on my own and homeless. I thought that my parents would not support me. Two years later, I left him. I just packed as much of my stuff as I could carry and turned up at my parents'. I decided that I needed to be free of him even if it meant starting all over again. I lost my house, all my belongings and my beloved animals, but it was still the best thing I eve did. 20 years later I have a happy marriage, 2 fantastic children, got a first class degree and I have qualified as a teacher.

You will get through this. You will be happier. Please make plans for your future without him.

Please don't try relate or any other relationship counselling. It doesn't work with abusive relationships.

If you want the best for your children you will leave. The kids will see soon, if not already, that you are miserable. You do not want them to think that the way your partner treats you is normal.