Aibu to want dh to give up and move on

[butterflyflutterbies]

My dh has had a business for 7 years. In the past i have worked there with him but the last few years we have started to home educate our 6 children as some of the have autism and learning difficulties which we really creating issues at school.

So now I stay at home with them full time.
My dhs business has limped along for all those years. It supports 4 staff and basic costs but it leaves us with a small amount of money for ourselves at the end of the month - we would be earning pretty much the same each month if he worked a minimum wage job somewhere else.

We have never been able to take our kids on holiday, we buy everything in charity shops and I’m totally sick of dh being stressed and miserable. He leaves the house at 6am and gets back at 7pm on a good day or 10-11 on a bad.

If he was doing his job for someone else we would be more than comfortable it’s a relatively well paid occupation but my dh “hates working for other people”.

He often ends up working weekends as well so there is no time of day where I can get any kind of part time Work .

I do have a small online business which I make a little money from this goes towards extra expenses for example all Christmas costs will come from this.

But realistically I have 6 children to look after, and educate plus trying to run this little side business to meet my costs.

Dh has now said he wants to give up the business so I started getting my hopes up things would improve. But he starting a NEW business .

I feel like crying. Aibu to want him to just give it all up?

Put them in school, push for support , supplement their learning at home and get a job .

Moonmaker - if you mean by supplement their learning at home teach my seven year old to use the toilet and not bite chunks out of her own arms when she’s dropped at school or teach my 10 year old to write then I guess I could.

I’m not sure how many ways I can say I can’t get a job myself. Well I could if DH would stay here and look after them but he won’t so...

The lack of comprehension about services for SEN children in mainstream schools here is making my head hurt.

Push for support?

They push back. They say one thing then do another. They lie. They misrepresent. They refuse to engage. They disregard diagnoses.

Some rare schools are excellent, most are poor.

Put them in school, push for support

Why don't you tell the OP and all of us exactly how to secure the support her dc need? Whilst you're at it, tell us how she can secure wraparound childcare that meets their needs. And tell us how she will balance the demands of an employer with the need to attend appointments, emergency hospital admissions, meetings etc. If it's as easy as you seem to think, giving us that information will be simple.

As op's employer was her dh, you'd think he might have been a pretty supportive employer when she needed to leave for appointments etc?

I don't see any suggestion that OP returns to working for DH? If it was that simple, wouldn't she being doing so already?

Painting - he obviously didn’t mind but if I wasn’t there working I wasn’t earning any money for he company so it was an issue for the company as a whole/

So are you HE all six children? That sounds really difficult. Could those without extra needs go to school and you could HE the others yourself? I know it wouldn't make any difference financially but it would make your life a lot easier.

No my brilliant 2 in school one a toddler

Hmm, tricky one. I work for myself and it's the only job I've really excelled at due to various issues I have. Before then I have forced myself to work 'normal' jobs which weren't suitable to support my family but I was bloody miserable and my standard of caring wasn't as good as a result as it is now.

So I sort of come down on the side of sometimes it's not being precious or thinking you are too special etc to do a regular job.

However, I wonder OP whether he might consider a part-time role employed while he builds this new business direction up...maybe with fewer employees?

Or..another side to this - If this has been addressed before, sorry, but if he has that many employees why does he need to put in such long hours? Is there an element of avoiding home life going on?

That's a relief!

So does your husband end up getting paid less than his staff?

Yes he gets less than them

We tend to cover those grounds before going on to produce 6 children. And if we have a couple and start to struggle , we tend to stop having more . As a has been single Mum , a teacher , a child with SEN and three children , working full time , I honestly don’t think the answer is to homeschool.

And nobody said it was going to be simple . It will probably be gruelling , exhausting and complicated.

How can he afford to pay staff if he closes one business and starts another? Surely there won't be enough cash at the start?

Moonraker - you are clearly better than me

we would be earning pretty much the same each month if he worked a minimum wage job somewhere else

Many posters are taking this at face value, so please can you confirm OP: as the UK minimum wage for over 25s is 7.50 an hour, if your husband were lucky enough to get a 40 hour a week job, with 2 weeks' unpaid holiday a year, I work that out at 15k per annum. (Disclaimer: maths is not my forte.) So, before tax etc etc, his wage at present is approx. 15k per annum?

8 people surviving on that wage in the UK in 2017 is certainly going to be a challenge.

If he can't make enough to support his family on his own then he needs to suck it up and go find a job.

Yes because it's the 50s and men are in sole charge of supporting the family, OP definitely can't go out to work.

And tell us how she will balance the demands of an employer with the need to attend appointments, emergency hospital admissions, meetings etc.

Just like every other working parent does?

If your husband wants to start a new business and doesn't want to make the employees redundant why doesn't he offer to sell the business to one or more of the employees they can buy it from future profits (there's a way of setting this up properly an accountant could advise) this would leave him with the scope to start the new business that he wants and have an income from the sale at the same time.

Bloody hell OP. I am gobsmacked by how many posters think it is easy for you to get a paid job while looking after 6 DC, some with additional needs. As if. YANBU.

Are you being deliberately obtuse, Yolo? The whole bloody point is that some of the dc have additional needs which will require far more of op's time and activity, both routinely and in an emergency, than that of the majority of working parents.

And tell us how she will balance the demands of an employer with the need to attend appointments, emergency hospital admissions, meetings etc.

Just like every other working parent does?

But not every employer is sympathetic. And if the OP is in a probationary period she doesn't stand a chance. It really isn't that simple.

Your husband seriously needs to scrutinise his business and downsize. You and the children need support too while he's paying 4 people higher wages to do unneeded work!

Also he's not being fair to those people either. How much progression can they be offered and wage rises? None I'm guessing if it's limping along