Am I an alcoholic?

[KrayKray00]

It is actually laughable because I am sat in the pub whilst typing this!

I am 26 and I have always “liked” a drink. Since a young age (13) I have drank to the point of being able to do it in my home because my mother didn’t want me to do it on the street.

I can control it. I had no alcohol for 2 months earlier this year and I was so proud of myself.

It didn’t use to be a daily thing but it has started to become a daily occurance. However only if I am out.

For example; I have just finished doing my voluntery work and I have come straight to Wetherspoons for a beer.

Yesterday whilst I was out shopping I went to Wetherspoons for a beer.

I only have one or two but I drink alone. If I go out, which is rare, on a weekend child free, I do not know when to stop, once I start drinking I drink myself into oblivion. Wake up the next day and cry. Hangover and emotions!

It is coming up to a date which upsets me each year. I have recently been diagnosed with severe anxiety and I have been put on sertraline and sleeping tablets.

But I am getting to the point where if I go out I wonder where the nearest pub is. Even if it’s jjst for one.

I do not mean this as a stealth brag but I’m trying to describe my situation, I am a young female who likes to look after herself, I do my hair and make up and I get funny looks when I walk into a pub for a pint. I have two children and a degree. I volunteer in a courthouse and I do promotional work at exhibitions. It is not a financial drain my drinking but I am becoming worried I am depended on alcohol.

Would I see a gp or is it just like having a coffee if I am drinking 1-2 pints a day? I feel like they would look at me like I’m not an alcoholic as it isn’t exactly a bottle of wine or spirits but I drink for any occasion, if I am sad or happy.

I am waffling now and probably going to get a battering but I cannot tell anyone in real life because I don’t want them thinking I have an issue with alcohol.

Sorry and thank you if you got this far.

There isn't just one way to be an alcoholic and there isn't just one way to deal with it. It sounds like you have a psychological addiction and not yet a physical addiction. Also bear in mind that alcohol is fattening, a depressant, can cause diabetes and liver failure.

Kray you're not yet an alcoholic, because you're not totally alcohol dependent. But on the road to alcohol dependency there is a stage before that called alcohol abuse. You sound as though you do fall under that description, and many abusers go on to become dependent.

Now that you've recognised it, it's time to do something before you reach the final, alcoholic, stage.

Good luck

It's only a problem when it's a problem, really. if you are ill, upset or upsetting other people when you drink then maybe something needs to change.
It sounds a little like you have a separate MH issue, though, or have suffered a trauma that's still preying on your mind. Probably best to work on fixing that problem first, and it may be that you will be less reliant on alcohol.

Overall I would strongly suggest avoiding AA or any other 12-step programmes, as they are the least effective method of dealing with addictions (and, for women, they are quite high risk as there is a tendency to cover up and collude with predatory men...)

'I think as a PP said I am self medicating with alcohol? Dealing with issues through drinking. Obviously drink doesn’t cure them, but short terms masks them. Maybe?'

I agree with this. I think lots of us are not used to dealing with our feelings and use the slight buzz as a distraction. I'm sure it's unhealthy.

I suspect it's something set in childhood (I'm talking generally now btw).

Sounds like you have a problematic relationship with booze. Especially the not knowing when to stop at the weekends. I had anxiety and it is much worse when I drink. And drinking on sertraline is basically cancelling out the effects of the drug as alcohol is a depressant.

I don't think the label of alcoholic is helpful. In fact, I think it is a label that those of us who have a problem with alcohol use to justify our drinking sometimes. The number of times I've said to myself "I'm not an alcoholic because I...don't drink in the morning...can go a day without drinking with no problems...etc. ad infinitum."

IF alcohol is causing you an issue or affecting your life then you need to reexamine your relationship with it. And I notice from your post that you've been diagnosed with anxiety. I was diagnosed around ten years ago and have been on medication on and off, had counselling, CBT, hypnotherapy, every treatment I could think of. As long as I was drinking, nothing worked completely.

There are loads of tools and techniques out there, but I found the Sober School to be very helpful.

@Draylon - yes, it's a really important point that no one really knows what a safe level is, so deciding whether or not your drinking is an issue is (in my opinion) less about the number of units you consume and more about the nature of your relationship with it.

You're not an alcoholic. However the fact you've postedthis means it seems your habits are bothering you?

I am more concerned about the binging and not knowing when to stop (however occasional)! Than having a couple of pints a day, eventhough it is unlikely to damage your physical health as it is so sporadic, it is obviously affecting your mental heatlh.
How would you feel if you went out, got a bit tipsy, had a great time and woke up with no or a slight hangover and went about your day with no major anxiousness?
If that would make you feel happy, then aim for that. Have a think about it for next time you go out. And worry less about having a couple of pints. You sound like a successful, 'together' person and having a couple of pints is fine-life is for living.

I realise this may be an unpopular opinion, but I do not think drinking alone makes one an alcoholic any more than standing in a garage makes somebody a car. If I have a glass of wine by myself tonight, what makes that worse than sharing a bottle (hence having two glasses) with someone else?
I guess it is based on somewhat valid views that alcoholics are sad individuals who have no friends and prefer to drink by themselves where nobody can see them. And there is some sense in that.

I can empathise totally with what you say about funny looks going in a pub by yourself, I am very similar to you and I actually will quite happily go and have a glass or two on my own if I am in a position to. I like pubs, I like relaxing and reading on my own. Men can do it so why they chuff can't we. I pay my bills and look after what I am responsible for. If folk give you funny looks, let 'em.

My dads a recovering alcoholic and he’s always said to me that there’s no such thing as a ‘typical’ alcoholic some can stop and start some have a full blown addiction but if it’s affecting your life then you have a problem. My mum had massive issues with alchohol - drinking to much, spending on alchohol out of her means, using it for emotional escape but she thinks because she can stop e.g when she runs out of money she doesn’t have a problem. I think if you are going and having a drink on your own whilst out doing normal things in the day then it’s an issue even if it is just 1 especially if your nearing an emotional anniversary. Just remember alchohol is a depressant it might make you feel good at the time but it’s not doing your mental health any good. I think the fact you think that there might be an issue means there probably is one

www.alcohollearningcentre.org.uk/_assets/FAST-June-2017.docx
I use this in my job to assess if people’s drinking is a problem.

OP, please be very careful about combining sleeping pills and booze.

I think there is a spectrum across alcohol, and I find that those who might worry they're alcoholics aren't addicts but are dependant. So it is on the spectrum for sure.

I like a drink for sure. As @confused says, a bottle of wine on a saturday evening is easily done. No hassle! DP isn't that much of a drinker, so he might have 2 shorts while I nurse a bottle for the evening! It's so delicious!

In saying that, I would regularly not have a drink for a working week until maybe a beer after work on Friday.

Another week (say hot week in July) circumstances might have several evenings out in a row with friends or colleagues our for sunny drinks!

If I feel it's just a bit too freuqnet, then I will turn down some invitations and just try to be more self-aware.

I do understand the OP - there is something very relaxing about being alone, out shopping, and shopping in for a refreshing pint to chill out before going home. Nothing wrong at all.

The flag for me is where OP is saying that you are looking for the nearest pub for different situations, which means that you are more secure knowing there is one nearby... that sounds like dependence to me.

If I am at home, I don’t feel the need for a drink unless I feel like having one at dinner times (6pm-ish) and only if there is alcohol in the house.

This is the second flag for me - only if there is alcohol in the house. You should be able to have alcohol in the house without the need for a drink. This is also a sign of dependency.

Calic0 I agree.
You can always find a different person to point to whose drinking is worse/behaviour is more affected etc in order to justify your own drinking, when the way the problem manifests varies between individuals.
OP, only you can answer the question. The fact that you are asking the question is really good.

I have been listening to a great podcast that I would recommend to you while you think things through. It is called something like 'Recovery Elevator' I love it. It gives me tremendous respect for recovering 'alcoholics'.

I don't think you are, no. If you were thinking about/drinking alcohol during the day and/if your drinking was affecting your job/career/relationships then maybe. If you are 'needing' to go to the pub every day then that is different. Stop going and see how you feel.

I would be concerned though that it will develop into a problem in time though, so I would be tempted to slow down or stop in any event. Start with the pub and do something else instead. It is just a habit and can be broken if you put your mind to it.

In the end 1-2 drinks seems controlled and moderate but if you are getting drunk and drinking more than it you may need advice, but from what you have said it doesn't sound that way.

KrayKray my DB is an alcoholic and he will tell you that not every alcoholic needs to drink daily, not every alcoholic needs to pour sherry on their cornflakes. But if you are using alcohol as an emotional crutch (need a drink to unwind after a long day or need a drink before you go out so you can face people) or it is impacting on your life in other ways (health issues/work attendance etc) then you have a problem.

Again I would say if you are even asking yourself the question then you know the answer to it.

What would your reaction be if I told you that there was a world wide ban on alcohol?
Would it be
(a) meh! I'll keep the beer I already have for special occassions
(b) meh! unfortunate but no problem
(c) Dr Google, how do I make moonshine out of potato skins?

I wouldn't say you are an alcoholic, but I would say you have a difficult relationship with alcohol.

I stopped drinking 3 months ago. I had found myself turning to alcohol when stressed and I became worried about that. I wouldn't have classed myself as being an alcoholic though.

I don't think you're an alcoholic OP, but I do think you have a problem with alcohol.

I second the PPS who suggest contacting the alcohol/addiction related charities for advice. Failing that, your GP.

Wouldn't say an alcoholic in the "20 cans of special brew" category.

does sound like its a bit of a crutch habit though. With the sertraline and sleeping tablets there is clearly an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

I think labels are unhelpful. Alcohol abuse is a sliding scale that is better judged by its impact on yourself and those around you than pigeon holing people as alcoholic or not. The fact you've posted indicates that you believe your relationship with alcohol is unhealthy. It sounds to me like it's becoming an issue in your life, but then one as probably similar at the same age and barely drink any more. When I do drink it's controlled. I think lots of people drink too much too often but I wouldn't say they're 'alcoholic'. If you're worried, then you need to start setting yourself clear limits. If you're unable to adhere to them then it's time to seek additional support.

IMHO, most people who drink do not like to think that someone who drinks like them are alcoholics. I have similar problem to yours, OP, and stopped drinking six weeks ago, one day at a time. But my best friend keeps on trying to convince me that I am not an alcoholic, because she probably even drinks more than I do. I know what I know and I know that if I ever drink again I will be back to square one

It's a spectrum, and I agree that we should fight shy of labelling it.

I love red wine and could easily drink a bottle 5 or 6 nights a week if I allow myself, which I do not.

The thing that helped me to work myself out of an unhealthy pattern is exercise. I stuck with it long enough to see the results, and I know that I can't exercise hungover, and that I will eat a fuckload of shite if I am, and that it will all unravel, so I manage to restrict myself more than I ever thought possible.

Being self-aware is your greatest asset. Good luck.

I'm like confused-can happily drink a bottle of wine a night & get into bad habits using excuses like I'm stressed, I'm off work so it's practically a holiday, I'm celebrating etc

You (and I) need to set some personal boundaries and exercise willpower more. I've also been overeating lots of rubbish & doing no exercise due to illness & associated excuses. From Tuesday its a full on week of health kick for me, (stuff on until then so not as easy)

Another thing that helps me drink less is having a glass of red wine rather than white which I guzzle more. It's great that you did 2 months alcohol free-when I do similar I'm amazed at how quickly it affects me when I have a drink. On the other side if I have a bottle a night I don't feel particularly drunk. Shows where restraint is needed!

Think about ways that you could hold back. And good luck

Reduction is pretty self-reinforcing - you quickly lose the ability to cope with the previously 'manageable' hangover in the morning.

A few things jump out at me, OP.

Firstly, you say that you find yourself wondering where the nearest pub is any time you’re out. What kind of ‘wondering’ are we talking? Do you feel anxious if you think you might not find one? Would you feel grumpy if you got to the pub and it was closed? I’ve been known to occasionally treat myself to a glass of wine if I’m out on my own for the day, but thinking about the nearest pub the second you leave the house doesn’t quite sound right to me.

Secondly, the part where you say you gave up for 2 months and felt ‘proud’ that you did. I’m not passing judgement but I must say I’ve heard that this is something that high-functioning alcoholics have been known to do sometimes, where you basically ‘prove’ to yourself that your drinking isn’t a problem so that you can keep doing it. And it also suggests that the person can’t properly moderate their drinking, i.e. that it has to be all or nothing. That was certainly the case with my ex (who I’m now convinced had a serious drinking problem). He would do these three-month ‘detoxes’ where he drank nothing and then the rest of the year he’d be drinking every night and passing out blind drunk literally every weekend.

Unfortunately ‘I could quit whenever I want but I don’t want to’ is a fairly cliched thing that a lot of addicts seem to say.