For those of you who are higher earners than your OH– do you pay for more things?

[Sandylanes66]

DF and I have been together a fair while and own a home together, we have no children. When it comes to monthly mortgage payments, household bills, shopping etc. we both split everything equally and we also have a small joint ‘pot’ for takeaways or evening out together etc.

DF earns quite a bit less than me and has a few more outgoings (student loan, pays extra tax as the HMRC weren’t taxing him correctly for a long time – DF didn’t realise, season ticket for commuting on train and he’s also paying off a 0% credit card which he used to buy me an engagement ring.)

After all of our bills and outgoings, DF doesn’t really have much money left at all, whereas I am able to save at least £300 a month. Due to this, I’ve got a good amount of savings and would like to be enjoying life a bit more with nice holidays, having some work done on the house, getting a cleaner etc. Unfortunately when I mention this to DF, he points out affording to pay half for a lot of these things I want to do are going to take a long time for him to save up for.

So I’m wondering what others couples do. Should I be paying for these luxuries on behalf of the both of us or should I be waiting for DF to gradually save enough to pay me half?

We have joint pot that everything goes into, then we each take out the same amount for personal luxuries, presents for each other. Neither of us works harder than the other, our value is not in the amount of money we bring home, so neither of us has more to spend than the other

Oh and holidays etc are all paid for together, DH has just been away for a long weekend with friends and I'm hoping to go away myself too. Yes I don't earn as much as DH but we both put in just as much work only in different ways.
I had a tax rebate which I used to buy a wee thing for DH and the rest was used to buy a cheap car. DH's savings bond was used to by a better car. Yes I'd loved to have spend my rebate all on myself but didn't need anything and we needed a family car. It was exactly the same situation for my DH.
It's swings and roundabouts because when both children are at school I'll be looking to up my hours again.

My partner earns much more than me due to the nature of the industries that we each work in. I also have student debts from doing my Masters, which further reduces my disposable income. He happily pays for things like holidays, cleaner, theatre/concert tickets for both of us etc. and I try to occasionally surprise him with things that are in within my budget like making him a special dinner or buying him a cake on the way home. There’s no point me trying to ‘match’ him financially so I don’t even try.

When we first got together I was actually really worried that my low salary would mean me holding him back from the things he wanted to do, as I wouldn’t be able to afford to go on nice holidays or even go out for dinner very often (I actually got myself into debt by insisting on ‘going Dutch’ for our first couple of months of dating!) But he told me he doesn’t see it that way and that those are things he wants to do, and he wants to do them with me, so it’s what he chooses to spend his money on.

If you want a cleaner and can afford one, then just get one. It’s very unfair to expect your partner to go ‘halves’ though when you know it will hit him so much harder than you.

I earn several times what DH earns and whilst we don't have a rigid system I (quite rightly) pay a larger proportion of our costs.

My income goes into a joint account from which mortgage and all other outgoings are paid. Every month after he is paid DH transfers most of his salary to the joint account - retaining an amount to cover his personal outgoings (which aren't much - I am most definitely the spender in our relationship ).

Savings are transferred monthly out of the joint account and are in both our names.

If we go out for dinner, sometimes we pay out of the joint account, sometimes he pays out of his account. We don't track who spends what out of whose income - we are a team and both contribute. I couldn't work full time and earn what I earn if he hadn't decided to work part time and take on more responsibility in the house.

I think I’m this situation the base living costs should be paid for 50/50 and should be set at the level the low earners can afford.

Anything additional to that - cleaner, holidays, meals out - the high earners can cover if they want to do them more than the low earners can afford.

I would never get both salaries paid into one account and think it's foolish. We share money fairly but still have control over our income. Our joint account is for savings (mostly 'my money'). Wages go into our own accounts, we pay bills proportionately and have the same amount of disposable income.

You need to have frequent conversations to ensure it all feels fair. We both get equal say over large purchases even if the funds come from my account. We include everything, clothes, expenses for dc's clubs, etc. If DH ever earns more, it would still be fairly distributed. The only bone of contention is the amount of money he spends on Christmas presents. Even so, we both have budget and I let him get on with it. He's generally frugal,this is the only area he overspends imho. We've been together a really long time and never argued about money.

You need to be as fair as you expect him to be if the situation were reversed. You may have a lower or no salary following maternity leave or illness.

Separate accounts, joint account for bills and household purchases. We pay into it proportionally. However, I sometimes top up the joint account, I buy DD a lot of stuff myself and I save more (although I consider the savings joint use them for family things - car/holiday/work on the house etc. I also get a bonus which goes into this savings or used to overpay the mortgage

Pre DC I earned double DHs salary, post DC I work part time and our salaries are more or less equal(mine still slightly more). We’ve always paid all bills and food 50/50 at DH’s insistence because he wanted to pay his way and was of the view that my extra pay should be spent as I see fit.
I personally think it’s unfair I had more disposable income so I used to pay for holidays, home improvements and all the other extras out of my wage. It’s more equal now but I still put a bit extra in because I earn more. I do all the household finances and just take DHs share of the cost out of his bank account whenever I need to during the month. He trusts me to be fair and has never questioned what I spend the money on. He doesn’t really care about ‘stuff’ and hardly spends any money anyway.

I earn a bit more. We split the bills and rent in half but I pay more for food, other little expenses and put a bit into savings which will eventually benefit both of us. When we move into our house (soon hopefully!) and start paying the mortgage, we’ll each put a significant proportion (probably 3/4) of our income into a joint account and pay for everything out of that. I’m not really fussed that I pay more for stuff because his income potential is higher than mine (as I work for the NHS so although my initial salary was reasonable, it will never be huge) and when he’s making more money (the next step up for him will come with at least a 50% pay rise) I know he’d be happy for me to drop some hours and he’ll be the breadwinner.

SilverSpot, if there is a big disparity in income, your solution doesn't work. It might for some.

Ultimately, both parties need to be happy with the financial set up. In my situation, I earn significantly more than my partner - I pay significantly more as I can afford it. It also means it doesn't matter if his income is lower at times (self employed).

In OP's situation, the DH seems to resent the OP ability to save when he can't. And the OP doesn't seem to think she should share her income to allow the both to have a similar standard of living. That isn't fair.

DH earned more for years, then I earned more. We have one joint account. I cannot imagine having separate accounts.

We pay bills and mortgage proportionately, give ourselves an amount for personal spends per month (dh's hobbies come out of that) and whatever else is left goes into a joint account for family days out, meals together, holidays, car and house maintenance etc. In reality I'm the only one with anything left after outgoings that gets put into this joint account, I just tried to put myself in dh's shoes and would feel pretty crap if I had no access to more money but knew it was just sitting there. He'd never expect me to have to ask for money, so it didn't feel right with him having to. Big spends we discuss together but odds and sods we just go ahead and spend.

I was (not currently) by almost double. We split the mortgage equally. DH paid the council tax and cleaner and I paid all the other bills (gas, electricity, water, broadband, insurance, childcare, tv license and most of the food shopping). I sometimes topped his account up if he'd had an expensive month (he does the same for me now).

We always meant to start a joint account but never quite got round to it - didn't seem urgent because we didn't argue over money. Never have really.

I earn more than my DH, not loads but take home approximately £300-£500 more a month depending on enhancements.
We pay equally into a pot for bills/food/mortgage/meals out.

But then I save, I’m good at money, he actually has more day to day luxury’s than me (clothes/lunches at work/the odd treat). Whereas I won’t and try and save a large proportion of my salary.
For example, we’d both been saving since uni to buy a house, I ended up with 25k, he had 6k. I paid for our wedding, our new bathroom, our holidays.
This works for us, he’s rubbish at money, but contributes equally which allows the super saver over here to save for the luxury’s.

My new DH and I recently opened a joint account and now all our wages go into it. He earns around £400 a month more than I do. We have a savings account which we put a sum into each minute month and £100 each into our help to buy isas (we'll be buying a house together though🙂)

We are both free to spend what we want out of joint account. Although we check first for anything over £50. It works really well for us. I do feel bad for your DF having to point out to you about the savings. Money should be joint between a married couple imo.

I don’t see how it is foolish to have one pot that everything goes into, with equal amounts taken out for personal spending, provided you both have similar views on money management and neither has large debts. This is our situation, and we did not combine finances until after we had been together 7 years and had bought a house together. I think it is grossly unfair for the higher earner to have more personal spending, unless you equate your value to the relationship according to the amount you earn alone. I do understand someone being more cautious if they cannot trust their partner or have experienced abuse, or have children from a previous relationship etc. However H and I started from 0 together, so anything we have accumulated has been earned with each other’s support

I wonder how the “separate pot” couples will handle retirement. Will the high earner retire and start a life of leisure while the low earner continues to toil away until they collapse?

Unfortunately when I mention this to DF, he points out affording to pay half for a lot of these things I want to do are going to take a long time for him to save up for.

He sounds very sensible-he is right.

As soon as we moved in together, we pooled money and have done ever since. Our wedding/my engagement rings all came out of the same account. I find it a bit sad that's he'll always pay less than you in and is also having to pay your engagement ring odd on credit card when you have savings stashed away! I'd have paid for that out of joint money rather than take out a loan.

If you want a cleaner-get one, but pay for it.

I used to earn more than my DH, after taking time off for children he now earns a lot more. We have always had family money and we both spend whatever we want.