To not want to talk to this friend for a while

[LittleMe03]

(Name changed for this thread)

We’ve been good friends for about a year but only get the opportunity to meet up once a month for a catch up.

We met up yesterday evening to go out for dinner and a couple of drinks. We were having a good chat about our DC when I started to tell her about how proud I was of my DSS (12) for doing so well since he started secondary school.

My friend pulled a face at me and said - ‘why would you be proud of him, he’s not your son!’
I replied - ‘No but that doesn’t mean I can’t be proud of him, he has been a big part of my life for the past 6 years’
She laughed and said - ‘next you will say you love him’
I replied - ‘well I do, of course I do, he’s part of my family!’

It became awkward after this and we made small talk finishing our last drinks and left.

AIBU to not want to speak/see her for a while now as this upset me, even more so the more I thought about it.

Or do others have the view that you shouldn’t/can’t be proud of and love step children.

Does she maybe have any step parents in her dc life? She might resent the idea of a step parent being proud because to a jealous person it could suggest some kind of possessive feeling - you’re proud because you feel they are in some way yours, kind of thing.

Long shot really! Your choice who you and friends with and why though.

That sounds awful. How on earth does she feel about adopted children then?!?!
Just because you didnt give birth to the lovely boy does not mean hes not yours. As long as you, stepson and his father (maybe even his mum) are all happy for this to be the case then screw the rest.
This friend is no friend if thats how she feels. I wouldnt waste my time on her again.

I'd give up on this friendship if I was you. People like her are not worth spending your time on. I often tell people I'm proud of them whether it be friends' children or even colleagues.

You are more than within your rights to take a while to figure out how you feel about what she has said.
FWIW I hope when my daughters father meets someone new it's someone like you.

She sounds like a cold bitch, so not someone I'd want to be friends with.

My mother remarried when I was 18. Her husband has been a better father to me than the original. SWBVU!

What a bitchy thing to say! I wouldn't bother with her at all in future.

I love my step daughter with all my heart....id be giving the serious cold shoulder to someone who spouted passive aggressive shit like that...

Step children, step grandildren, step anyone, if they feel like family to you then that’s what they are.

I have a friend who is family. She’s not technically related to me in any way but that’s irrelevant, she’s family like it or not, as are her children and partner.

It's a nasty thing for her to say and tells you who she really is.

Thank you everyone. She grew up with parents who stayed together. Her and her DH have been together for 10 years with two DC and she has made comments in the past about that being ‘the right way’

It might be what most wish for but unfortunately it’s not always the reality!

Yes, I wonder how she does feel about adoption, that must certainly be wrong in her eyes. I may leave it for a while until she is in touch and then have a word with her? Or shall I have it out with her now and not argue, but tell her to keep her views on that subject to herself if she wishes to keep my friendship?

“The right way”? Are you f-ing kidding me?! Sorry but that’s really really pissed me off. For that alone I don’t think I could be friends with the woman. You’re a better person than me OP!

She’s a twat

I’d just cool right of with her rather than having it out. She sounds pretty ignorant and something tells me no matter what you said to her she’d think otherwise.

She sounds thick, to be honest. Maybe just keep that in mind next time you see her.

You had that conversation with her and she didn’t go home with a glass of wine on her head. YABU.

Seriously though. Regarding your question of whether to have it out with her. Or to talk to her about it at a later date. No, I wouldn’t bother. She has taken on some disgusting views. To have thought it ok to speak to someone, who by all accounts is a lovely stepmum without regard for anyone but herself shows what kind of person she is. Very set in her views. No good will come of trying to discuss this with her. You will only end up getting hurt.

I really hope that she doesn't have step children of her own

She sounds awful. And wrong.

I wouldn't like to be the person who said to DH that he couldn't possibly love DD because she's not his. She's his in every way that matters to them, they have a wonderful relationship and have done since she was 3.

I find it insulting, the suggestion that you can’t love children who are not biologically related to you. I have 2 adopted DDs (8 and 5) who I couldn’t love more if I’d given birth to them. My DSis has a DSS who she loves as much as her biological DCs and her adopted DS. There is no difference between them, she says and I know it’s completely genuine.

It was a horrible thing for her to say, definitely, I wouldn’t want her as a friend either.

I wish you were my kids stepmum OP
to you for a job well done.

the right way oh dear.
I second the step mum thing. My kids are not a fan of theirs but I’m trying hard to be a good one to my stepkids. It’s not easy so well done you. Maybe get a new friend though

I've heard friends have this attitude about their partners children and can't get my head around this view point. I worked with a girl who lived with her partner and wouldn't address the children by name when speaking about them - it was the wee boy and the wee girl like they were objects - I did ask her about this and it was clear she thought differently of them as they were not hers. Children in a family whether siblings, blood related or not are children in a family and should all be loved the same. I love my nephew's and nieces as much as my own son and am fiercely protective of them all, blood related or not!

I couldn’t be friends with someone like this. I would avoid her in future OP. What a cold hearted weirdo.

She just doesn't understand. It was rude. I am a sm and i love my dsd and feel very protective of her. If someone said that to me i would soon correct them.

I feel sorry for her. Such small-mindedness can't provide happiness.

Friends down the road have two kids I love to bits. I tell them so regularly. The parents think it's lovely that I do. I see nothing wrong or unnatural in that.