To be driven insane by 18 & 20 year old DC

[Nicecuppatea21]

They do as little as possible and rarely do it unless they are told to. I am 50, they are 19 & 20 and I have had enough. Our washing machine died a week ago and I am running around like a blue arsed fly trying to get washing done in neighbours etc until pay day.

I went up to DS room just now to tell him to put dirty clothes in washing basket so I could take to neighbours and he flipped. I was literally doing him a favour and he said I will do it tomorrow etc. Believe me he won't.

This is just an example of why I am reaching the end of living with them both. I am constantly fantasing about them leaving. I want to fast forward 4 years until they leave. I love them but I can't take anymore of their bullshit.

I didn't spoil them and didn't have money to spoil them. I split from their father when DD was one & a half and I was 8 weeks pregnannt with DD. He was a dickhead and undermined me as much as possible.

It's been tough but this bullshit from a 18 & 20 year old is demoralising me. Will this ever end? I am just ranting and don't need solutions because I've tried everything.

I just want them to leave so I can get back to my life. Please don't accused me of being neglectful, I'm not. I just don't want to feel alone.

Thank you for listening.

So stop. Stop doing these things for them and it will be shit for a few weeks but eventually they will start doing it all themselves. Doing laundry for a 20 year old is just ridiculous.

Why are they not contributing to the household if you are struggling to afford to replace the washing machine? I would give them a simple option of either getting with the program or moving out.

I think my mother stopped doing my washing for me when I was about 12.
But I do remember being unpleasant to her at times when I was a teenager - for whatever teenage reason.
I think you would be justified in not doing their washing and letting them work it out by themselves.
But it's only fair to give them clear warning if they are used to you doing it all the time - face to face or by text message, whichever you prefer (and note that they are very used to interacting via text messages).

At the very least, tell them if the clothes are not in the laundry basket (or wherever you want them put) they won't get washed.

I would act as if they are already gone. Don’t do their washing or cook meals.
Plan a Night out to dinner with your mates and don’t tell them. They are treating you this way because they know ‘good old mum’ will do it, she won’t allow us to walk around smelly and hungry.
Them boys need to think again!

Sorry just realised you have a son and daughter.

My daughter left recently for uni and I counted the days to her departure - she was so unappreciative and difficult. we love on another but it was tough. Hand hold xx

Could you stop running around after them? Let them do their own washing, by hand if necessary. Why aren't they contributing to the household in any way? They need to shape up or ship out, it's not a hotel.

What’s four years got to do with it? Lay down some rules if you can be arsed, or if you can’t just don’t do anything for them.

Do your own washing & no-one else's if they won't co-operate. Ditto anything else that needs doing. Or tell them to start looking for somewhere else to live.

I can’t believe you still do their washing! You need new terms, be calm, clear and firm. Face to face or text message, with a clear start date.

Not sure if they have any income, but if they do they should be contributing to household finances.

If you give them money, or pay for phones etc stop until they help around the house.

Tell them you will no longer wash their clothes or cook their dinner. If things improve you can consider sharing chores but at the moment I don’t think that will work.

If they don’t like it, offer to help them to find alternative accommodation.

Me and my sister has similar rules from age 8/9. There is no well in hell our parents would have blindly carried on doing things for us if we had been so unhelpful. We were expected to help around house, help with washing, help with cooking. Once we were teenagers we would mostly do our own washing as we would always forget to put it in the laundry basket.....so it wouldn’t get done!

So you are not unreasonable to be pissed off. You are unreasonable for putting up with it for so long!

Someone I know had a similar issue with a 20 year old DD. She never cleaned or cooked, contributed nothing, would use the car until it was out of petrol then demand someone fill it up again etc. Anyway, her parents told her she would have to start paying rent and contribute to house bills/groceries/petrol and it was amazing how quickly she moved out! Give it a go!

I second what some posters have already said. To tie you over until they actually do leave, act as though they have already gone. Don't do anything for them anymore and ignore them if they are uncivil towards you. If they leave their stuff laying around in common living areas, throw it away. Also change the password on the wifi and cancel any services only they use and only do grocery shopping for yourself. That should save you some money too. You may have to hide a few things from them though.

Definitely try to spend many evenings with friends and let them sort themselves out.