First step, taking a low dose of tablets. I didn't want to at first, but they numbed me for a little while, which actually helped because I was emotionally and physically exhausted from the constant adrenalin/fight or flight anxiety overload. They gave me a breather, just enough to gain energy for step two
Step two - force myself to do absolutely everything I was anxious about, constantly, all the time, until I battered my own brain into submission. It was brutal, but it worked. I started small, planned everything down to the finest detail, carried an "anxiety pack" with me full of a variety of tablets - immodium, paracetamol, water, mints, clean knickers, a cereal bar, the works. As time went on I could plan less and do more.
Third step, but also running concurrently with step two- keeping myself on an even keel. This means vitamins, fresh air, and most importantly, time on my own whenever I can get it, even if it means cancelling other plans. I can still feel myself slipping at times, and I know that I need to clear the decks apart from necessary things like work, spend a few days doing as little as possible.
Honestly thought, desensitising myself has been the hardest but also the most effective thing. I feel it's not talked about often enough, probably because it seems like the nail in the coffin of a person who is already fragile, exhausted and struggling with daily tasks. However it made sense to me. I simply couldn't spend my life avoiding the situations that were causing me anxiety, at least not without an incredibly detrimental effect on my hopes and dreams for the future, not to mention family life.
I'm not going to lie, it was absolutely brutal and not a relaxing time in my life, but I can now say that with some care, I'm 95% cured- and I was really bad. Today I did something without even thinking twice about it- the same situation would have had a me a sobbing, panicking mess on the floor. I didn't even think about it until DH mentioned it, and reminded me of three years ago and how a similar event had me in a tailspin for weeks.
It's always there, lurking, but I feel very free now. I feel that although I'll definitely get anxious again in future, it won't ever be quite so bad. It's as if I've trained my brain in some way- like when you see tennis players with the huge big muscles on their racket arm