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AIBU?

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Original poster

Flight refund

80 replies

Sidesplitters · 01/11/2017 16:41

Hi,
I’m a newbie here,
I’d like a few opinions on something I feel is a bit of bad manners.
We live in France have done for past few years. We pay for my DSS to visit at least twice per year. He is 25, (working full time, lives with his mum).
This flight fare paying is not an issue, we chose to move, it’s unfair to expect him to cough up the cash to visit.
We also visit him in Uk 2-3 times per year.
In July we booked and paid for his flight. He came had a lovely time. His return flight was delayed 3 hours 17 mins. He claimed under EU rules for the €250 delay compensation. Which he received in September. The flight we paid for was €89 return.
I don’t expect the €250, he was delayed, he was given a food voucher etc he was put out, lost a few hours of his Sunday not us. However I think it would have been good manners to offer the refund of the flight cost to us. He’s just asked my husband to book his flight for a week in Feb and I feel a little miffed, AIBU???

OP posts:
TroelsLovesSquinkies · 02/11/2017 09:24

At 25 it's time to cut back on paying for everything. If he chooses not to come as often then you know where you stand, it's not a pay per view situation. He's an adult, time to grow up and pay his own way.

Gromance02 · 02/11/2017 09:24

He's 25 and you're still paying for his flights? That in itself is absurd.

worridmum · 02/11/2017 09:27

But if the father wants too see if why should the adult child be put of pocket? Why doesnt the father come to the uk and have all the expesnes and is infact cheaper to pay his sons floghts then the dad going to the uk.....

Roomster101 · 02/11/2017 09:31

At 25 it's time to cut back on paying for everything. If he chooses not to come as often then you know where you stand, it's not a pay per view situation.

That's not a very nice way of putting it! I think most 25 year olds would choose to holiday with friends rather than parents if they had to pay for flights. It's not a reflection on how they feel about their parents but more a reflection of the fact that funds are usually very limited at that age.

maddiemookins16mum · 02/11/2017 09:33

It almost seems as if the son is holding the dad/stepmum to ransom, along the lines of 'I'll only come if you pay'.

People move, sometimes abroad, sometimes just to another part of the country. Would the son need paying if he had to get a train from Maidstone to Crewe? He's an adult.

Original poster
Sidesplitters · 02/11/2017 09:34

The flight paying came about as we moved while he was in his last year of Uni. As a student we felt it was unfair to expect him to pay, particularly as he could only travel during peak times, Christmas break, Easter etc. It was our decision to move.

Perhaps the time has come for him to start paying or contributing. I had not thought about it beforehand but he doesn’t pay to come and visit in addition to the flights we pay for.

Some food for thought. Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
messyjessy17 · 02/11/2017 10:13

I imagine he thinks his father actually wants to pay for him to come out and spend time with him, given that it doesn't cost very much anyway.

But by all means tell him that his stepmother talked to some narky women on the internet and now his father no longer wants to bring his son out to see him. That will do wonderful things for their relationship, no doubt.

burntup · 02/11/2017 12:24

I think you are being unreasonable. The compensation doesn't affect you. It compensates him for his loss of time. That said I'm not sure why you are paying for every trip.

Nikephorus · 02/11/2017 13:57

So what if he had a windfall? It isn't related to the cost of the flight and therefore why should he offer money to OP. If he had received a £250 windfall by some other means e.g.lottery would people expect him to offer that to OP too?
The only reason he got this windfall is because OP & DH paid for his ticket in the first place!

Roomster101 · 02/11/2017 15:19

The only reason he got this windfall is because OP & DH paid for his ticket in the first place!

The money he received had nothing to do with who paid for the flight though and it wasn't a flight refund. He received it as compensation because he was delayed and inconvenienced. If he had received compensation for injuries because the plane had crashed on the way home would you have expected him to offer that money to the OP too on the grounds that she paid for the flight and he wouldn't otherwise have been injured and then compensated?

Quartz2208 · 02/11/2017 22:05

No he got the money because he was delayed returning from his parents house. Maybe he missed work/needed to pay more at the airport for parking/a new train ticket. The compensation is his because it's for his inconvenience

Whether they should pay or he should for future flight is a separate point although one suspects he won't and therefore won't visit

rachelandmike77 · 02/11/2017 22:57

YABU. You have said that the money isn’t an issue, so do you like him? It sounds like you somewhat resent him or don’t get along, because this wouldn’t annoy you otherwise.

KarmaStar · 02/11/2017 22:59

This scenario is very similar to one in our family,my very elderly parents in law have a son who lives in America and he came over every March.but only if they paid for all his flights and taxis(an hour from airport to their home),plus spending money and a hire car.if he didn't get it,he refused to come,pleading poverty yet constantly boasting how well off he and his wife were.
On one visit his flight was full and they paid out several hundred for him to catch the next flight.he kept the lot despite his parents living on their pensions.we were livid .but they asked us to say nothing.sadly my lovely father in law died and money is really tight and older son has not been since apart from the week for the funeral ,when,as his mum was in hospital,he rummaged through her bags and stole all her cash.he doesn't even ring her these days.
Your dss definitely needs to step up and pay for his flights,it s very childish to expect you to pay.
Good luck

MinervaSaidThar · 02/11/2017 23:02

He's a grown adult, I would stop paying for his flights.

OlennasWimple · 02/11/2017 23:06

The correct procedure would have been for him to offer, you to refuse, him to insist on giving you some of it, you to accept just the taxi fare, him to bank the rest.

That would be the English way of dealing with it, anyway

Urubu · 02/11/2017 23:12

YANBU
He is not a broke teenager FFS he is an adult!

SequinsOnEverything · 02/11/2017 23:45

He's 25, why are paying for his flights? DHs mum lives abroad, has since before we met and since I've known him (he was 23) she's never paid for his flights.

Then again, he rarely goes there, so I guess maybe your way works better!

LadyDeLaFuente · 03/11/2017 00:23

I can't believe you're still paying for his flights!! It made sense when he was a student but not now he's working full time (unless he's going through some kind of financial hardship).

It doesn't matter who chose to move away - if you're an adult and you want to visit people, you pay for your flight!

Btw, my dad moved abroad when I was early 20s and he never once paid for my flights. I only visited once a year max. but it had nothing to do with the money and more to do with me not enjoying it!

Roomster101 · 03/11/2017 08:59

I don't really get the outrage that OP's DH is paying for his son's flights. I'm not saying that OP's DH should pay for the flight but it is hardly a huge donation considering that many parents pay for cars, house deposit, wedding etc when their children are in their 20s and even 30s. There is also no evidence (at this point) that the son "expects" the flights to be paid for either. OP and her DH offered and he accepted. For all we know, he might feel pressurised to visit and would be quite happy if OP's DH stopped paying so that he has an excuse not to go.

worridmum · 03/11/2017 09:12

You haven't saidcwhy dont you go visit him in the UK is it too much trouble for you to make the effort?

Roomster101 · 03/11/2017 09:15

OP has said that they visits the DSS in the UK 2-3 times a year.

expatinscotland · 03/11/2017 09:17

'Perhaps the time has come for him to start paying or contributing. I had not thought about it beforehand but he doesn’t pay to come and visit in addition to the flights we pay for. '

Then your h needs to accept that he might not see his son.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 03/11/2017 09:24

I am 44 and have three children. I moved away from home when I was 18 and my Dad still insists on paying for some of my travel costs when we come to visit. He would visit us more often only my Mum doesn't travel so he feels like he should. On occasion when he does visit us, we have a fight at the checkout of the supermarket when he insists on paying for my shopping. Sometimes my Mum sends me money when my sister comes to stay, so we thank her and spend it, telling the children that this is the treat that Granny paid for. I am very grateful for the extra money towards travel costs as, yes, it was my choice to move away, but travelling with a family of five between two countries, is expensive.

Twinkie1 · 03/11/2017 09:28

I won’t be paying for my kids to visit me when they are grown ups with full time jobs. Why do n earth do you do this?

Roomster101 · 03/11/2017 09:35

I won’t be paying for my kids to visit me when they are grown ups with full time jobs. Why do n earth do you do this?

Maybe you will pay for other things though Twinkie as many parents do e.g. house deposit, wedding etc. Even if you don't why is it so surprising/outrageous that other parents do?

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