To want my Mum at my birth but not my Dad

[scampiandchips1]

Due in a few months with my first and I’m an only child so parents are very excited!
They live abroad in Europe, I’m in the UK, and have said as soon as I go into labour they will book a flight to come over straight away.
We have a spare room for them to stay in and a big enough house for us not to get in each other’s way, but I just feel like I only want my Mum there and not my Dad. I love my Dad dearly and we are very close, however he is quite set in his ways and also quite lazy and demanding when he comes to stay, he’s not like that at all in his own home! He’s not been very well recently and has spent a lot of time in hospitals which has made him quite institutionalised, can’t really explain it very well but where he had nurses waiting on him hand and foot, he now has a sense of entitlement for this kind of service when he stays with me!

My Mum on the other hand is really helpful and a bundle of energy and I think she’d be great to have around after the birth.
Feeling really anxious though about them both staying straight after the birth, I worry it would be too much with my Dad there too, especially as I plan to breast feed and don’t want to have to go off and hide in my own house.
Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like if I ask my Dad not to come he’d be really offended so don’t know if there is another option really.
I really wanted my Mum to come and stay once DH goes back to work after paternity leave, so 2 weeks after baby is born, is that too long to expect them to wait to fly over? Was thinking they could come together but then my Dad could head back after a few days and my Mum could stay for a bit longer.

I think your idea of having them there a couple of weeks after there birth sounds good. You don't know how you're going to feel when you come home or what your birth will be like. It might all go swimmingly (hopefully!) but you could have a rough time, have a stay in hospital etc and not want people there when you return. I stayed in hospital a week after birth and when I got home I just wanted peace and quiet on our own for a bit. I'd have hated having anyone to stay, even parents.

Also - yes, you can BF discreetly but it takes a while to get the hang of (most of the time). The weeks following birth while you're trying to establish is not the time to be worrying about covering up or that people might be uncomfortable. I was sat on my sofa with my boobs out half the time trying to learn

I would be wary of the fact that your dad has been in hospital recently. If he was to go back in just before visiting I wouldn't have him come as it's really easy to pick up things in hospital and you don't want him carrying those germs around your newborn.
I was quite comfortable about breastfeeding in front of my dad as after being in hospital 5 days I was just happy that breastfeeding took. Turns out my dad wasn't comfortable at all, I was alittle surprised at first but he just left the room or found something else to do. I flat out refused to go and hide.
I'm glad you've had a proper chat with your mum.

If your dad is capable of looking after himself, but has now got lazy, just tell him straight that waitress service won't be available, you've just had a baby and your mum is there to help you. It's the ideal platform to say 'actually, dad, I think you can make your own sandwich and cup of tea, I've got my hands full here'.

Can't you breastfeed in another room? Or tell him to F* off!

I was the first to breastfeed in my family nearly 40 years ago. My dad was very strait-laced as far as his daughters were concerned. However there was no way I was going to hide off in a different room so I just fed as discreetly as I would when out and there was no problem. (Well, he did leave the room the first couple of times, but he soon got over it!)

But you have to pin your mum down to make a decision and don't let her brush you off.

Hey op, I had exactly this. Mine both came over to meet baby and then went home after our first night at home. Mum came back when my husband went back to work for just over 2 weeks and actually my dad visited the middle weekend mum stayed. Worked out well.

With regard to Bf first visit was fine as they are quite sleepy and don't feed that much in the first 24 hrs. After that it took some getting used to but we had a few other pro lens establishing bf. Once we were up and running a few weeks in it's fine with my dad there. In fact he often asks to hold the baby and I have to say I'm feeding I'll pass you the baby in a minute.

Good luck. Accept all the help going
Think of jobs for your mum. Mine was a great help but I found I actually needed her for a fee hrs every day not all day and so if she lived round the corner it would be ideal but once we settled into a routine it was good.

Apologies for typos

Problems

Few

Thanks for all the advice. Good to know it’s not just me! X

PoisonousSmurf "Or tell him to F off!"*

There's no need for her to say that to her father! The majority of MNers seem to tell people to 'fuck off' at the drop of a hat!

A fundamental principle of biology and physics is that your mum will have to be there when you're born.
Chances are your dad would want to be there at the birth of his child...very much the norm nowadays!