Apologies for the long post!
Me and my mum have always had a difficult relationship and she even says that from birth we didn’t bond. As I grew up she had really bad issues with anger and depression. She would often get in my face and scream and I could feel her spit on my face. Me and my brother used to be terrified and hid when she was angry. I’m now 24 with two children and currently 36 weeks.
During my adolescence I was hospitalised for a year with mental health issues and took a long time to recover from emotional (mainly her), physical(my step dad) and sexual abuse (from someone else). During my stay in hospital I did not have many visits from family at all which kind of makes me feel a bit sad that some people want to be in my life now that it’s better). I’m recovered now and have been for quite a few years. My mum is on antidepressants but I really think she has BPD and she won’t tell the doctors the whole picture. When I had my first child health professionals recommended that I should not allow her back into my life (we fell out for a while). She is completely different with my kids.
I’ve always craved a normal relationship with my mum even after the past. I see other people happy with their mums and do nice things together and I wish we had that. I probably was a difficult child I won’t deny that. Anyway we keep having fall outs and I feel like I’m walking on egg shells. I can never be honest with her or tell her anything in case it makes her flip. Last week we fell out because a few months ago she offered and promised to keep a week of her holiday entitlement in case of emergency/ c section date etc.
Last week I got my c section date and told her and she then went and asked work for the day off using her holiday. She was surprised that they said no... she comes back to me and says they said no and that she used all her holiday. Also the weekend she took time off to go to an old school friends daughters 21st birthday party the other side of the country. She stayed at my grandads house who is still grieving my nans death and used him as a taxi service because she wanted to drink. She left my youngest brother at home with my step dad who took time off from work to spend with my mum and my youngest brother and she didn’t tell him 
I think her head is all over the place at the moment which is understandable because she lost her mum. But she keeps saying things and then not sticking to her word, keeps going off doing her own thing without thinking about anyone else (always has just jumped in the car and bugger everyone else) while my youngest brother just sits at home at the computer day in and day out. First thing he does when he gets back from school and I watched him go from being a bubbly child to someone with no social skills. He is extremely quiet and doesn’t make eye contact when you talk to him and usually just disappears when we visit.
Sorry I’m rambling 
so after my mum said she can’t do it, my partner booked childcare with a lovely nanny we have used many times before. I told my mum that I felt a bit upset that she promised something and didn’t keep to it. She flipped out and went into blaming work, blaming my hospital for the dates then blaming me. Then said ‘you wouldn’t know anything about work because you have never worked and you get a bloke to pay for you’ and I’m pathetic etc. I said I feel like I can’t ever be honest with you and she said ‘ha you are never fucking honest’. Then she said that I make her want to top herself.. so I hung up because I couldn’t listen to anymore. One of her most frequently used lines is ‘I just want to get in the car and keep driving’. When my nan passed she said to me ‘ I finally know how you must of felt in the past with self harm and suicide because I want to whack my head really hard on something’. I was really shocked hearing it come from my mum.
Today she called me and I picked up the phone and I’m probably being unreasonable because I really didn’t want to answer. I didn’t talk much and kept quiet but she spoke like nothing had happened last week and all bubbly etc. I got off the phone thinking what should I do? Do I keep her at a distance or what? When she’s good she’s good but when she’s emotional and things it’s scary. I have been having nightmares about her and I have to think about my kids and baby. I think mental health problems run in my family on the female side (my mum and her mum had difficult relationship and my nan and her mum). I did a lot of therapy and in the past and recently went and bought some refresher books for cbt and dbt and some parenting books because I really really want to break the cycle and be the best parent I can possibly be. I’m just not so sure about what I should do with my relationship with my own mother.