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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think 13 is too old for trick-or-treating?

67 replies

Standandwait · 31/10/2017 16:20

DS2 is 13 but has autism and moderate learning difficulties that make him more like a 6/7 year old in many ways. I told him that I think he's too old to be taken around trick-or-treating ... but he's so sad. WIBU to take him after all, one last time? It's not as if I can explain to other people answering their doors, and he is now a good 5'4" so could seem quite grown up to strangers.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 31/10/2017 16:52

When I was younger a lot of children weren't even allowed to go out and trick-or-treat until they were 9 or 10, so stopping at 13 seems a bit harsh!

wifeyhun · 31/10/2017 16:53

Yes he can go lots of teens go out here all dressed up. My 15 and 10 year old are off out soon.

lalaloopyhead · 31/10/2017 16:54

13 is fine. I think as long as the kids have made a reasonable effort dressing up and are polite then whats the harm? I am sure no one would turn anyone away based on age.

I think my dd came rounds with younger siblings and friends at that age.

Sandsunsea · 31/10/2017 16:57

We are in such a hurry for our teens to grow up. Let them have a night of innocent fun! Let them decide themselves when they feel they are too old to do it. If folk judge, it says more about them than the kids.

scrabbler3 · 31/10/2017 16:57

He'd be welcone at my door. I've got a big bag of sweets, which can be eaten by folk of any age. I hope he has fun.

ArcheryAnnie · 31/10/2017 17:00

This is the first time mine isn't doing it, and he's 15 (and he's only stopped because it's a school day and it's awkward). He's quite wistful about it.

The one thing I will say about older teens ToTing, is: no facemasks. DS usually makes his own costumes (or gets me to make them) and they've been ace - but when he was small, a lot of them involved him covering his face. Last year he was very put out when I didn't want him to dress as The Enderman (don't ask) with a cloth over his face, when I'd let him do in previous years. I had to explain that a kid in a cute costume is cute, even with his face covered, but the same kid in a costume with his face covered, when that kid has grown taller than most of the adults opening the doors, could be quite threatening!

fitbit · 31/10/2017 17:00

I have a lovely post my friends put on FB which was thought provoking even about children not dressing up as they have ADHD or Autism and dont like the thought of dressing up or get scared but why should they miss out on it. Therefore no child is too old and just because they are not dressed up may not mean they shouldnt be trick or treating. At least let them enjoy being a child for one night without judgement :-)
I cant wait

ShoesHaveSouls · 31/10/2017 17:02

My 13yr old is taller than me now - and has decreed he is now too old to go trick or treating.

However, if he wants to, I don't see a problem at all - I've seen many a teen out there, and I've seen many a 10yr old who is 5'4" Smile

Enjoy.

Floralnomad · 31/10/2017 17:03

As long as they are polite I don’t care how old they are , but I do think that they should make an effort to dress up , even if it’s not much .

crunched · 31/10/2017 17:03

Not too old.
My (5ft10in) 17 year old DD is not going for the first time this year and, although I don't love Halloween, I still feel a bit sad about it being another step towards the end of an era.

EggysMom · 31/10/2017 17:03

I don't see any issue with you taking him T&Ting despite his age and height. Anybody that knocks at my door, says "Trick or Treat" and is obviously looking for a small handful of sweets, is welcome Smile I don't welcome teenagers who aren't in costume and who are expecting money; and I switch off the ghost light at 9pm.

sizeofalentil · 31/10/2017 17:05

Sweets are still very important to 13-year-olds. Let him go!

PourMeAGlass · 31/10/2017 17:06

Let him go, kids should be kids. 13 is still young, let him enjoy it Smile

GreenPetal94 · 31/10/2017 17:07

My 14 year old is going as part of a halloween party. The younger sibling's pals are only 11 but I think they are all going around locally. He is v excited and is in homemade costume already in preparation.

Roomster101 · 31/10/2017 17:08

I tell my teenagers that they are too old although I suppose I don't mind if other teenagers come to my door. It would perhaps be a good idea for him to be with some younger children though.

Schroedingerscatagain · 31/10/2017 17:09

Last year dd with ASD then 13 went with neighbours to help with their younger children. She was in costume and is quiet with an anxiety disorder

One pleasant woman told her she was too old and couldnt have candy which made her feel awful especially as she has coeliac disease and can’t eat most of the sweets anyway so gave them to the younger children

People can be so thoughtless, I saw the turquoise pumpkins they do for allergy households and would love to do something similar for additional needs kids to show they are extra welcome at my house

Schroedingerscatagain · 31/10/2017 17:09

Last year dd with ASD then 13 went with neighbours to help with their younger children. She was in costume and is quiet with an anxiety disorder

One pleasant woman told her she was too old and couldnt have candy which made her feel awful especially as she has coeliac disease and can’t eat most of the sweets anyway so gave them to the younger children

People can be so thoughtless, I saw the turquoise pumpkins they do for allergy households and would love to do something similar for additional needs kids to show they are extra welcome at my house

Funclesmuck · 31/10/2017 17:10

My 14 & 15 year old are going out. The rules they have is no door knocking after eight and no scaring the little ones. They love it and it really does have a community feel here. The village council give out posters for us to put in the windows/on doors which say yay or nay and what time to stop knocking, so any knocks after nine at mine aren’t answered.

Mustang27 · 31/10/2017 17:10

Please take him.

TheDamnedSkankInfection · 31/10/2017 17:11

13 is a child no matter how tall they are.

Totally fine to trick or treat. All teens around here are dressed up and polite so no problems at all on handing over a sweet.

BenLui · 31/10/2017 17:13

13 is fine!

We generally get teens later on. They usually have pretty creative handmade costumes and awesome jokes.

pinkingshears · 31/10/2017 17:15

My ds is (just) 13. He has ASD and wont dress up.
He is 5ft10 with long hair and a tache.
He is going (first time ever) with his girlfriend.
It's a tiny village and she is well known and loved so I hope he' passes' with her. He is also incredibly polite. Fingers crossed.
[thismile]

pinkingshears · 31/10/2017 17:17

Tut! [thlmile] even

pinkingshears · 31/10/2017 17:18

Oh, fgs....

maggiso · 31/10/2017 17:18

I had the same situation a few years back - DS is similar (ASD and MLD). I thought he was too old, but in the end I compromised by letting him go to neighbours who knew him. He then joined up with some young ones and 'chaperoned' them ( which allowed the adults to stand back). Everyone had fun. Are there some younger friends he could go with?