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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist DS wears his school shoes rather than trainers and that he wears a coat?

25 replies

EdinaMonsoon · 31/10/2017 14:16

DS (13) has been doing the classic teen stunt of leaving the house in one thing and then getting changed around the corner! He is supposed to wear smart black school shoes but he has been changing into his black trainers. AIBU uptight and unreasonable to insist he wears his school shoes? Or should I shrug, let him get on with it and deal with any consequences from the school? Obviously he thinks I am but what say you, MN AIBU Jury?

Also, whilst I'm here...do you also insist your young teen DCs wear their coats to school? It was 3 degrees this morning and he left wearing only a jumper. He only has a short walk to the bus stop but I just don't get the reluctance for coat-wearing?!

Tell me: do I need to just chill out?!

OP posts:

Booboobooboo84 · 31/10/2017 14:21

If your ds school allows the trainers then let him wear them if they make him comfy. If they don’t then you need to help the school enforce their rules.

He’s also old enough to decide on whether he needs a coat or not. Provide him with what he needs and let him decide

Nikephorus · 31/10/2017 14:24

He wears the shoes and leaves the trainers at home. The coat is up to him - if he wants to be cold that's his lookout. But uniform is uniform

MirandaWest · 31/10/2017 14:25

What are the school rules on shoes?

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2017 14:25

What are the consequences from the school for uniform issues?

MiniCooperLover · 31/10/2017 14:27

Does his high school provide lockers or does taking a coat means he has to carry it around all day? Don’t allow him to take the trainers with him?

Sagelistener · 31/10/2017 14:30

Is the school making a fuss of his shoes? If so, I would keep on him about his shoes, if not, let him be... I know I'd prefer to wear trainers!

Coat, I'd attempt to get him to at least take it with him every day, but at 13 wouldn't choose to make that an issue to struggle about.

Glumglowworm · 31/10/2017 14:34

I wouldn't force the coat issue, if he's cold then he's cold and maybe he'll take it next time but probably not

Shoes I would want to be strict on, but if the school aren't bothered then it's probably fighting a losing battle.

cattychatty · 31/10/2017 14:38

Don’t sweat the small stuff if school don’t complain about the trainers then I’d leave it and as for the coat, He’ll give in after a couple of days of freezing weather. Pick your battles at 13 they are just starting

Original poster

EdinaMonsoon · 31/10/2017 14:38

Thanks for the replies. I am clearly at the "pick your battles" stage with this DS. My eldest was a breeze in comparison (stickler for absolutely doing the "right thing"!)

Have emailed school to ask for clarification on the shoes. If they are happy with plain black trainers then I'm happy for him to wear them.

He does have access to a locker but doesn't seem keen to make use of it. I have no idea why, other than he says its a pain to use but he can't be more specific. And I hadn't really considered the lugging the coat around with him issue so perhaps that's why?

OP posts:

SilverSpot · 31/10/2017 14:42

I think this is a natural consequence situation - he wears black trainers to school, if that isn't allowed he will get in trouble i.e. isolation. Then you can come down on him like a ton of brick.

Coat? Meh. If he gets cold/wet he gets cold/wet.

rogueantimatter · 31/10/2017 14:50

I wouldn't fight this battle. This is one for the school to sort. It's their rules he's breaking. Save your energy for something you feel is more important.

Many teenagers are desperate to look or look not a particular way.

I'm with SIlver on this one. Very wise words. Teenagers don't wear coats until they become students.

Handsfull13 · 31/10/2017 16:38

If the school come back to you and say it's fine I'd let it go but if they say it's not allowed I'd tell him it's wrong and if he gets caught he will be punished at school and at home because he has been warned. Then leave him to make his own decision to risk it.

egginacup · 31/10/2017 16:43

I'm a teacher and I'm astounded by the number of kids who come to school without a coat, even in the pouring rain! In our case there are no lockers and they don't want to carry it around all day. I let my tutor group leave theirs in the classroom but most just don't bother bringing one. They all survive!

Pengggwn · 31/10/2017 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ttbb · 31/10/2017 16:55

YANBU. Trainers outside of exercise are a sin

AuntieStella · 31/10/2017 16:58

I think you warn him that you have equipped him with correct uniform (shoes) and if he doesn't wear it, it's his own silly fault and he takes the consequences.

Let him decide if when he ever wears the coat.

BoohHumbug · 31/10/2017 17:00

On the school shoe issue, let school dish out the punishment. Don't protect him.

I don't know any secondary school kids who wear a coat though. A scarf, under protest, if you nag hard enough.

BlurryFace · 31/10/2017 17:03

Well you can't force him into the coat and shoes at 13, can you? I guess you'll just have to tell him he should and when he comes home freezing and told off by his teachers say "I told you so".

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/10/2017 17:04

Shrug and let him deal with the consequences.

eyebrowsonfleek · 31/10/2017 17:04

Most secondary school aged boys don’t wear coats. Mine will wear gloves though. Leave it up to him.

With regards to trainers, our school would come down hard so it’s not something that my kids try but if school are ok then I’d be ok too. Trainers are practical and comfy after all.

lalalalyra · 31/10/2017 17:08

None of mine use their lockers because they wouldn't have time to go from last class to locker to bus before the bus left (lockers are at very back of school). So the coat would either go in the locker once and stay there or they'd have to humpf it to last classes.

I don't insist any of mine wear coats. I rarely wear a coat myself so I'd be a hyprocrite.

There was a big thread on coats yesterday or day before if you want more coat opionions.

CPtart · 31/10/2017 18:20

If you find a way to make teenage boys wear coats to school let me know. They do wear proper shoes though, school would soon pick them up on that.

BarbarianMum · 31/10/2017 18:33

Mine have to take a coat/waterproof jacket with them, even if it lives at the bottom of their bags.

Other than that they have to comply with school uniform rules.

SpottedGingham · 31/10/2017 18:38

My dd didn’t wear a coat until she went to college. Nor did any of her friends. They all had coats but no one wore them. Even in the snow. I reminded her to wear it and she maintained that she didn’t need one so I left it (while feeling like the worlds worse mother! And remembering wearing uniform until I was out of sight then rolling the skirt up, changing shoes etc...)

FlakeBook · 31/10/2017 22:39

Why does it matter?
If the school have a problem with the trainers, they will say so and it will be dealt with there.
The dc at our nearest secondary school all wear black skinny jeans. They're not technically allowed. But anyone not wearing them is bullied. The school turns a blind eye. There's no way I would send my dc wearing "bin bag" trousers when nobody else does. Adolescence is hard enough.

And the coat...he's od enough to wear it or suffer the consequences.

Really, if these are his biggest acts of rebellion he will be ok. No sex, drugs or rock and roll, just dark trainers and no coat. I really wouldn't stress.

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