AIBU or do my ‘friends’ take the p*ss

[Jesi98]

Friends asked to visit us recently - no problem with that, good to have company. Friends aren’t financially stable - lots of debt, not good with money, few kids etc. Known for months they were coming to visit. Advised the day before the visit they were skint, not yet been paid etc I told them not to worry we’d do lots of free things with the kids, walks, etc so didn’t need a lot of money.
Now I’m happy to give anyone anything, what I begrudge is going out of my way to feed a family of 5, plus my own 5 for several days only for them to buy and drink several bottles of vodka, about 25 beers for themselves for the weekend and not even buy a pint of milk as a contribution? Yet happy to tell their kids to help themselves to our food cupboards, biscuits, crisps, fruit, drinks as and when they wanted it. I feel sorry for the kids as they don’t have many treats in their house like ours but still. AIBU?- I know it’s a bit petty but it makes me think I being taken the piss out of? Oh and they tell me when they are next coming to visit, not ask if it’s ok?!

Are they actually alcoholics? That would explain why they always have money for booze.

I wouldn’t expect guests to pay for food or drink if I’m the host - offers are always welcome 😁 - but I’d like them to be good company.

These people sound like boring drunks, there’s no way I’d have them back.
Your house, only host people who make you happy.

Sounds like they are alcoholics. Do they drink that much at home and leave the kids going without? Just what you said about their cupboards being bare. They may need some support.
I'd say something like shall we have a day of not drinking today and treat the kids to xyz and see what they say. If they cry poverty then at least they can't have the cheek to be buying booze.

I don't think the OP was expecting the ' guests ' to buy food. She acknowledges that. But when people come to stay they normally show up with wine/ chocolates/ flowers/ gift for hostess etc and/ or take hosts out for dinner depending on how long they were staying.
These visitors took the piss something awful . They certainly make it onto the CF scale. It's just rude to buy that much booze to consume at someone's home when you have pretty much said that you can't afford to do anything that costs any money as they are skint.
These people are A1 CF's who are cheating their kids. A few bottles of vodka and 25 beers plus fags daily. We must be talking £100 here. That pays for a lot of treats and fun for kids in the school holidays.
They have come to your home, treat you like an hotel that will feed their kids while they get pissed and presumably you do childcare. Shocking.
Tell them you are too busy next time they try and leech off you.

We have friends who live in one of those parts of the world where they get lots of visitors. When we stay we do a joint holiday shop at the start of our visit. DHs do this so beers etc are included. I don't know who's idea it was but it works really well. It means we're able to raid the fridge, organise snacks/nibbles or crack open the beers and it doesn't feel as if we're being CFs for them or us. We get to spend time with them without it feeling as if we are taking the p.

Just say no to another visit. If it happens anyway, tell them that you need them to contribute a little. They can wash up for you, finish dinner and just give one a pair of Marigolds and the other the drying up cloth!

As for the children, just tell them in your house you ask for treats/drinks etc not just help yourself.

Jesus, how big is your house?!

14 people and the contents of an off licence must leave you with very little room.

If you don't want these 'friends' to come and stay because they take the piss then just tell them it's not convenient. On repeat.

• 10 not 14

But why does it matter about them being skint if you say you’d expect to feed them anyway? It sounds like you just don’t really like them (not blaming you!) for which reason just don’t invite them again.

I don't understand how people can invite themselves to your house for a week?

I ‘joked’ that i thought she had a problem with drink and she did say they don’t nrnall drink this much but they do drink alcohol every night maybe not at that level

Think the op means making a contribution of bringing something with them such as milk, bread, wine etc

They are freeloaders so suggest you distance yourself from them. Say they have no money but can then buy a lot of drink

We would never rock up to stay with someone without bringing something like flowers, wine, cake

As my mother would say ‘you can’t visit someone with one hand as long as the other’

I think you're asking the wrong question here. I think you should probably be more concerned about how their children are coping with their drinking than with how much it's costing you. How old are they? The thing about 'no treats' in their house worries me. Are you sure it's just treats they don't have? Are they fed properly?

Sorry but either these people are your friends that you want to spend time with / host. Or they aren’t. Expecting them to pay for their food when staying with you is weird. They bought their own booze so weren’t expecting you to provide that.

The question is whether you want to host them or not. In which case, it doesn’t seem you like them very much. Understandable. But it’s simply a decision for you to make.

Why are you friends with these people?

WHY?

I'm looking at this from a slightly different angle I think, but knowing that their kids have very few luxuries to eat at home, but they keep themselves in fags and ample booze would disgust me.

I may be looking at this in a really fucked up way, but my father was an alcoholic so I saw alcohol put way before my needs as a child, and honestly, I can't look at anyone who engages in that type of behaviour and not see them as a complete piece of shit.

And I'd say that it happens with a fair regularity. Because if I'd drunk 5-6 beers and half a bottle of vodka I'd have been sick... because I am a responsible parent who makes a point of keeping alert when be got my daughter in sight (my night out every month or two doesn't allow me to build up these types of tolerance!)

I would have a real issue with people who didn't feed their kids well but smoked and drank heavily. They sound very irresponsible, and as if they are not managing their lives very well. I'd probably want to see the children to make sure they were well fed and looked after for a weekend, but I'd put a blanket ban on any drink in my home.

These people are not friends. Next time they want to visit say 'That doesn't work for me.'

If you come up with excuses, they will try and worm their war around. Better to be clear.

As someone wisely pointed out on another thread, someone saying they’re skint often doesn’t mean “I dont have any money” but rather “I dont want to spend money on that”. They have money enough for lots of booze but not to take the kids out for the odd treat. Poor kids. Perhaps next time they demand to come, you could say “how about I just have your children - give you a lovely couple of nights off”. Treat the children, not the selfish adults.

There seems to be many cases on here of families and friends inviting themselves to stay for a week or more! My in laws have stayed for the weekend and my parents have never stayed-they go home! I wouldn't want anyone to stay for a week.

Honestly-people who prioritise booze over feeding their children properly are twats. I wouldn't actually want to be friends with people like that. How do you know them?