To tell friend she's been a CF? Really would like some opinions.

[Jerseysilkvelour]

As I said, really would like some views on how to deal with this...

We are colleagues of five yrs who over the last two or three years have become proper friends (as in we socialise outside work, go to each others houses, speak outside of work etc, meet up with our kids etc).

She was off work for about 3 months at the start of this year with MH issues caused by both work and her life, she was in a bad way and I supported her by checking she was ok each day (she needed that), listening to her when she needed to talk, and helping her negotiate her way back into work (going to meetings with her, met her off the bus the first day back stuff like that).

I now have been off work for a couple of months myself (also MH issues) she knows why as we talked about it in depth the day before I was signed off (GP told me I wasn't well enough to go to work).

She has only been in touch with me once, after I had been off for four weeks, and that was a text message in which she didn't ask how I was but gave me a run down on what's going on in her life. I didn't reply.

Needless to say, I am not impressed. But I am going back to work soon so I'm going to have to deal with her. I really want to tell her she's been a CF and I'm really cross with her......

And just to clarify, I'm no way did I expect her to support me like I did her - just to ask if I was ok!

Is she perhaps afraid that hearing about your MH difficulties in detail might set hers off again? If she has struggled to get well enough to return to work, someone with similar difficulties might 'trigger' (for want of a better word) her problems to recur? And she's afraid that, if she asks you how you are and you talk about your problems, that it might bring all hers to the surface again?

Just playing devil's advocate here.

It sounds as if you have different values. That's a sad thing to find out and it makes her a different kind of friend than you thought but not really a CF.

I have recently found that family members I have supported simply didn't see that as a 2 way street. I had just assumed that other people had the same values as me and would give me the support if I ever needed it. I was wrong. They never said they would - I just made that assumption.

Another one saying don't be too hard on her for the MH reasons. it sounds like her illness was pretty serious and really not that long ago. She may be very fragile still - perhaps much more so than she lets on.

Of course its really sad that you haven't received the same kind of care you gave her, and I can understand you are disappointed, but if you two were good friends before all this then I would say it is MH that is most likely getting in the way.

You never know, she may even feel guilty that she has dragged you down so can't face you. Not saying it is that case, but you sometimes just don't know what people are thinking or feeling so I would say give her the benefit of the doubt here.

Hope you feel better soon OP.