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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep waking her through the night? help!

51 replies

willothewisp17 · 28/10/2017 21:16

background: daughter born via emergency c section at 30+6 weeks. in hospital for eight weeks requiring breathing assistance/tube feeding ect. in the hospital it was a feed every three hour routine in the final few weeks before she got home as she was only taking a little at a time (60ml so about 2 ounces).

she is almost five months old, almost three months corrected (from due date rather than birth date) and I'm still waking her through the night to feed! I believe she would sleep straight through from her last feed at say 10.30pm till at least 6.30am next morning. the longest I've left her through the night has been six hours and that was by accident (slept through alarm). I still had to wake her after six hours.

a lot of people think I'm bonkers for waking a sleeping baby, but the problem is, she still doesn't take a huge amount of milk in the one go (formula fed)! when she came home she was only taking 2-3oz a time every three hours, but now we've built it up a bit and she takes 4-6oz every three and a half hours during the day and every 4 and a half hours during the night. I don't feel like I can leave her to sleep all night because she doesn't take a sufficient volume of milk before bed and still wouldn't make up for the missed night feed in the morning! after I left her six hours that one time I expected her to take a lot, but she didn't!

aibu and just stuck following a regimented schedule? nightly pattern goes more or less like this:

10.30pm: last feed before bed 4-6 ounces
3.00am: has to be woken, usually only takes 4 ounces as she's knackered
7.30am: has to be woken again, first feed of the day between 4-6 ounces

i feel so bad for waking her all the time! should I start dropping the 3.00am feed? would she make up for it in the morning?

OP posts:
SunnyLikeThursday · 28/10/2017 22:00

You sound like a fab and attentive mother. Well done. Smile

It's possible that if you let her sleep through the 3am feed then she will wake up properly a little bit later and have a bigger feed (maybe 5am?). It sounds as though you're waking her in the middle of a sleep cycle and she's too sleepy to drink much. I used to find that if I woke my son, which I very rarely did, but just on the odd occasion.

He would wake himself with great gusto and hunger at other times, but if I chose the time myself, he really didn't wake up properly at all.

Good luck! You're doing well. Smile

FlowerTink · 28/10/2017 22:02

I think everyone is given different advice, with dd I was told I must wake my preemie because she would hardly wake for normal feeds in the day, and they insisted in the beginning that I never let her go more than three or four hours, and she would never make up the volumes during the day so if I didn't wake her she would miss out. But in our case she wasn't waking naturally for feeds during the day and had only just developed her swallow, so our case may be dfferent from yours.

If your dd seems quite happy and is putting on weight then I'd mention it to the hv/gp and let her sleep if you can :) You're doing really well, being a prem mum is tough, dd is my first and a prem too so I was exactly the same as you (I had sheets for her meds and her feeds and everything!)

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 28/10/2017 22:13

I'd leave her - she will let you know if she's peckish! My ds1 was born on the 99.6th centile. Hv told me to wake him through the night as he was 'too small' to wake if he was hungry, i just looked at her like Hmm

NoobThebrave · 28/10/2017 22:21

I had a premmie and I think the worry and the scbu regimes are strong drivers. Once they are home and past the scary stage they seem to know what is best. Sleep is so important for you both HVs can advise along with scbu checks. My prem could manage so little but steadily put on weight and eventually thrived! One HV used to weigh every week the other told me I was paranoid about weight gain!! Flowers its tough, get that sleep in x

Original poster
willothewisp17 · 28/10/2017 22:27

she can be very irritable during the day, it's a bit of a feed, sleep on someone/in someone's arms for a by till milk goes down and then up for a little bit of playtime then repeat!
do you think a decent sleep at night would help the irritability during the day?

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 28/10/2017 22:33

Mine was 39 weeks but had jaundice . It was exhausting waking every 3 hours . I was struggling to wake him . He just wanted to sleep . If you can’t cope with all nights why don’t you increase it an hour at a time

Withhindsight · 28/10/2017 22:34

No experience of a premmie, but I didn't wake mine to feed them in the night, just lifted them, held in feeding position and they drank without waking up. As it they were slow, long sucks, they had hardly any wind to bring up either, just popped back in cot and they carried on sleeping. Could that work, if your DD digestive tract/breathing is ok?

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/10/2017 22:36

You do sound a little anxious op, which seems very natural in the circumstances. I would suggest you stop waking her to feed in the night, but anticipate that she may drop a few centiles for weight. As long as she eventually stabilises on one weight centile (i.e. after 2-3 months) then I wouldn't worry.

Also IME (limited), DC tend to align on weight/height centiles; ie DS1 is 75th for weight and height, while DS2 is 50th for both (rose from 0.4 to 9 to 75 for weight, then fell to 50 and stayed there). As long as her weight is in line with length I'd not worry.

Original poster
willothewisp17 · 28/10/2017 22:51

Withhindsight reflux issues so not really possible, but thanks for suggestion x

OP posts:
dantdmistedious · 28/10/2017 22:55

My twins were 31 weekers, I set an alarm for 2 am until they were 6 months actual to feed them as they didn’t wake to feed. Once they went into their own room I relaxed a bit and they would go to about 4 or 5. They really needed the feed though and were still on nutriprem at that point. They were about 13lb at 6 months.

dantdmistedious · 28/10/2017 22:59

Actually I just checked the books - they were 11lb at 6 months so pretty small. Also had severe reflux so keeping up after a feed and getting medication in.

I think with a preemie you don’t want them to drop the centiles if possible.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 28/10/2017 23:02

OP, I really sympathise. Feeding was a huge deal for me with my prem, tube-fed baby and, as a PP said, you can get a bit institutionalised and overanxious if you’ve spent time in the NICU/SCBU.
I was told by a neonatal consultant that I could stop waking DD for night feeds because she was full-term and gaining well. This was despite the fact that we were building her up for open heart surgery. If I were you, I’d check with a neonatal doctor just for your own peace of mind, but I’d be surprised if they said you need to keep waking her.

FlowerTink · 29/10/2017 07:38

Could she be irritable because of the reflux? My dd had severe undiagnosed reflux for the first few months and she was SO irritable, we couldn't lay her down anywhere, but once we got the right combination of medication things were so much better and she was so much more settled in herself.

sahknowme · 29/10/2017 07:52

We were tube feeding for the first week. But not a preemie. We were advised every 3 hours to feed, and to wake him if he didn't himself at 4hrs. Your paediatrician should be able to give you a firm answer, but midwives will have their own views on on demand vs scheduled feeding.

Original poster
willothewisp17 · 29/10/2017 11:40

last night she went from half past one to seven o clock this morning and woke for the seven feed on her own! and finished a whole six ounce bottle, think she could have managed seven but by the time I went and made up another ounce she'd have been asleep again (bottles have thickener in them and need five minutes to set)!

OP posts:
viques · 29/10/2017 11:54

willow sounds as though she is letting you know what she needs! Hope you both enjoyed your sleep. It will be interesting to hear how she does for the rest of the day, let us know.

PricklyBall · 29/10/2017 11:54

Hooray, willo, that sounds like she is getting there and is capable of feeding on demand and regulating how much she wants to eat.

Starlight2345 · 29/10/2017 11:58

Fantastic Willow . How do you feel sleeping that long ?

FlowerTink · 29/10/2017 11:58

That's great news :)

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 29/10/2017 12:06

The one thing I wish someone had clearly stated to me when Dd1 was born was that babies do not just exist perilously from one feed to the next!

KimchiLaLa · 29/10/2017 12:06

That's amazing! My 5.5 baby (currently) was born bang on 37 weeks so not really preemie but only 1.9kg when born. I've been waking her and she can only take max 70-90 ml at a feed (and that's rare) but midwives are happy with her weight.

KimchiLaLa · 29/10/2017 12:06

Pressed post too quick. Anyway there is no way she would go through all night like that!

PricklyBall · 29/10/2017 12:57

That's true for healthy, full-term, normal weight babies, Forget. The trouble is it doesn't necessarily hold true for preemies or low-birthweight babies. And when you've got used to feeding on your schedule rather than the baby's, for perfectly sound medical reasons, it can become hard (and emotionally difficult) to know when it's safe to go onto a more "normal" feeding pattern - which is what we're talking about here.

Original poster
willothewisp17 · 29/10/2017 20:42

viques I think it done her the world of good but can't really tell as she's been having an off day, think she might be teething Sad

OP posts:
OuchLegoHurts · 29/10/2017 22:27

Yes we stopped waking our prem twins after a couple of weeks at home...felt they needed the sleep as much as the feed!

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