DS and sleep

[Needadvicetoleave]

Wrong place but I don't know where else to turn.

DS just won't sleep.

He's always been a terrible sleeper, needed constant cuddling until 5 or so months, wouldn't go in the bouncer, his crib, pram, the play gym. Showers were 4 minutes of listening to him scream. Not a grumble, straight from happy to bright red, screaming, gasping for air. He as like that in the car, and basically anytime he wasn't held (didn't care who held him unless he was hungry). Even held he woke every 45-90minutes.

He didn't sleep more than 2hrs 45mins mat a time until he was 14months and we night weaned. Shortly after he went through a glorious 6 week period of waking once or twice a night and going back down within 30minutes.

That was 8 months ago.

We are dying. He wakes two to three times a night, takes hours to get back down, several attempts and then finally he'll sleep. Some nights it's 4 hours before he'll go back down.

This week, Saturday started at 2am for me, Sunday at 3.18 for DH. Monday 4.10 with a two hour wake up at midnight. Tuesday I was awake 2-5, when DH took over. Wednesday was the best night, DS was awake 9.30- 1.45 the slept until 5 10, a quick cuddle and another HR in bed. Last night I was awake 1.30-2.30 then up for the day at 4.

DS sleeps in my arms or just pies awake in my arms. Any attempt to put him down or for us to lie down (e.g cosleep) are met with either screaming until he's sick then more screaming (we've made it to 4 hrs of controlled crying, 3 night in a row before 3 episodes of being sick, before giving up) or him awake and climbing around the bed.

I'm at my wit's end. I'm surviving off sugar and caffeine. I'm too tired to drive to my hobbies, I fell asleep during the online shop. My hair is falling out in clumps, I have a permanent headache, my weight is ballooning. DH s the same. We haven't had a conversation in weeks beyond "it's your night shift, I'll buy dinner, what do you want".

My boss is amazingly understanding but my work is suffering. DH starts a new job Monday so I've sent him to a friend's to sleep this weekend.

I don't know what to do.

We've tried (given each several weeks attempts) cosleeping, earlier bed time, later bed time, controlled crying, the no cry sleep solution, pick up put down.

He occasionally wants a drink in the night but never food or milk. He eats really well, has supper before bed and is a wonderful, happy, loving child all day. No delays, no health issues and naps for around an hour.

AIBU to want some fucking sleep?

Fitbit reckons 7hrs this week.

After all that he only bloody went and slept 12hours straight! Amazing. Big jump from the 5 hours most he's ever done.

I don't expect it to last, but I feel brilliant!

The Millpond sleep clinic. I think it's about 200 pounds and they do all the consultations by phone. They'll come up with a plan that deals with each of the issues and hold your hand as you put the solutions in place. We used them to get our twins to sleep and I can't recommend them highly enough.
The waking up screaming sounds like overtiredness to me. DD2 used to do that and it was only once her sleep problems were sorted out that she started waking up in a good mood.

Cranial osteopathy has no evidence base - and why would stroking someone’s neck make the slightest difference?
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27936211
I don’t understand why parents won’t teach and support their children to sleep and then complain about them not sleeping.

Most reasonable parents of healthy children wouldn’t allow them to continue using nappies when they went to school so train them to use a lavatory. Most reasonable parents would support and train their child to use cutlery before starting school. Why do people refuse to teach their children to sleep and actively reinforce poor sleeping habits with hours of attention and pandering to their wakefulness.

The little bugger!

You'll spend today wracking your brains about what you did differently.

Crumbs because sleep training hasn't worked and I'm afraid he'll choke on his vomit if I leave him.

Sleep breeds sleeps so this may be the start of it OP. Keep him awake today and have an active day in the fresh air with loads of afternoon daylight (this makes a massive difference to my DS's sleep). Maybe just maybe he will lie down with you at bedtime and do the same tonight! Fingers crossed for you!

ODFOD Crumbs I agree that cranial osteopathy is complete woo but the OP clearly says she has tried sleep training. Some children just do not sleep - it has fuck all to do with what parents do or do not do.

OP - your GP can do a stool sample for lactose intolerance and it may be worth asking for a blood test for Coeliacs before you start doing any kind of intolerance testing. You already have it tough as it is - adding food diaries and exclusions info the mix will just make things harder. I would explain clearly how unsettled your DS is at night, spell out in words of one syllable how exhausted you are, while also working full time, and hopefully s/he should agree to two basic tests to try and exclude all medical causes. If they come up negative, at least you’ll know for certain two things you don’t have to worry about excluding. Good luck

You poor thing. I have shit sleepers and had been advised cranial osteopathy. It didn't help with any of my 3. But the osteopath did say my DS1 had some tightness due to forceps delivery so he treated that. He was a bit dopey and sleepy after but only for one or two nights. It cost between £30-£50 per session.

Have you tried gradual retreat? It's not as harsh as leaving them to crying it out. Google it, it worked for us but you have to persevere and stick with it. I second the idea of a sleep consultant. We used Hannah Love www.yummybabygroup.co.uk/sleep-solutions/ and D'S was sleeping through after a few weeks.

We used Ann at Nurturing Sleep for my two. She has a really lovely holistic approach:

http://www.nurturingsleep.co.uk

www.forbes.com/sites/tarahaelle/2016/05/25/one-cry-it-out-method-isnt-just-safe-it-could-be-best-for-most-babies/#2bc0383870fau

https:www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/controlled-crying-safe-for-babies

//expectingscience.com/2016/04/12/critics-of-fundamenal misunderstand-how-stress-affects-the-brain/

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/controlled-crying-safe-for-babies/

Sleep training done consistently and properly not only works but is better for babies and rest of family. You don’t ‘ do sleep training’ it is something ongoing rather than just the initial, hard for parents, three or four days. No evidence of any baby suffering harm as a result.

Another vote for a decent sleep consultant, this cannot go on and I’m not sure at 22 months you can fix it yourself.