AIBU to think that announcing on Facebook the details of a random act of kindness you committed kind of cheapens the deal?

[JamieFrasersMistress]

This will probably court controversy but, hey, this is Mumsnet!!
A facebook friend has recently updated their status with a long story of how they encountered a random stranger on a train who seemed distressed and this friend has taken great care to give details of how they comforted, assisted, supported and directed this person to somewhere they could potentially be helped. The story was peppered with the grateful remarks of the person they helped and made it quite clear that the helper went quite a lot out of their way to provide this assistance.
Whilst, obviously, I commend the individual for doing the right thing, I can't help thinking "why did you feel the need to announce to all and sundry on social media that you did this?" It sticks in my craw somehow and it makes me feel that what should have been a truly noble deed has become exploited as a vehicle for self aggrandisement. To me it cheapens the deal and although the recipient will probably never know I would hate that they ever thought that their misery was used to ostensibly promote another's image. Don't they say that a true act of kindness is committed without expecting thanks or recognition?
Or am I just being a wee bit sensitive?

YANBU at all!

“Today I bought a burger for a homeless man” complete with patronising selfie. They want to be told what lovely people they are (and I suspect they mostly do it for the social media pats-on-the-back).

YNBU. Makes me cringe.

The purest acts of kindness are those done in secret. I.e not spoken about on facebook after with a "look how good/nice I am!".

Most good/nice/kind people don't feel the need to tell you they are.

I have an old work colleague who did this. They were attempting to enter local politics and were doing look at how great I am status updates.

Their friends in the party they are involved in weren't impressed when I told them that posting other people's misfortune all over facebook to make themselves look good was a shit way to behave!

They haven't done it since though.

Guy recently on fb posted a picture of him and a homeless man who he had given his shoes to, with a 'you should all do the same and be as nice as me' style message. Argh

allthecheese I saw that one. Why not just give him the shoes and carry on about your day? Karma will soon reward you a lot more than the 100s of likes will.

Oh GOD yes! It’s so self congratulatory, smug, self satisfied and nauseating. It feels like they just did it to virtue signal online.

One particular cringe one involved a woman paying for another woman’s groceries when her card declined and giving a sanctimonious speech to the other ppl in line who (supposedly) made comments. I basically pictured her flipping her hair and trotting out of the store feeling very pleased with herself and RACING home to post on fb 🤢

I agree with you op but it's how things are these days. Everything on fucking social media. Like I always say: delete Facebook

I absolutely hate this too!
If I do a good deed, it makes me feel good to know I made someone else feel good, so I don't need to share it with anyone! These people just want attention, and they probably only do the good deed in the first place so that they can big themselves up, it's so crap, it takes away the whole goodness out of the good thing!
And Facebook, you couldn't pay me to have that!

Yes!! It's so irritating, they hashtag their 'kindness' too #payitforward #everylittlehelps #littleactsofkindness

Yanbu. I hate this kind of boasting. It just screams "look how fantastic I am". I don't understand people who post their entire lives on social media. I'm always doing exciting things. I'm too busy doing them to post about them!

Yup, virtue signalling. Extremely tiresome.

*If you want to feed the homeless, feed the homeless; but the moment you post it on Facebook, you're feeding your ego.

YANBU

But my favourite ones are the ones right here in AIBU, because they have to detail their random act of kindness and then find a way to ask if they're being unreasonable about it

The most common phrasing seems to be, 'I just did what anyone else would do, but a friend was horrified and that made me doubt myself'

Puhhleease!

I always want to say, "Yeah you're friend is right and you're actually a cunt"

Lol Worra yes “WIBU to help this old man?”

“And elderly gentleman fell in front of me today. I put my coat over him, called an ambulance, called his wife and held his hand and comforted him as the ambulance took 20 minutes to arrive. No one else helped. Poor man was OK but in shock and very grateful to me. I told my friend. She said I’m a busybody and should stay out of other people’s business. WIBU?”

I always wonder if the ‘friend’ is an imaginary friend, or perhaps their cat who they speak on behalf of.

Yanbu.

Takes the shine out of doing it for the goodness of your heart looking for praise in my eyes.

For instance I know a friend of mine recently pulled over in the road and did cpr on a person who had a heart attack. Did they put it on facebook? No. In fact they didn't even tell me when I spoke to them, I heard from the other person in the car. I respect them more for that - the way they obviously see it is part and parcel, they do what any decent person would without needing praise for it.

The people who do this are usually the types that put a Facebook status on about someone who they met once 25 years ago who has died, wanting sympathy and attention from FB Huns

I absolutely hate Facebook for this self aggrandizing behaviour. So glad I deactivated my account.

A RAK should be essentially altruistic. Splashing it all over FB removed that element, and it becomes a vehicle for self aggrandisation.

I always wonder if the ‘friend’ is an imaginary friend, or perhaps their cat who they speak on behalf of.

I know

It's up there with, "AIBU to think racism is bad?"

Followed by a massively racist statement, apparently made by the FIL or some such person.

Poor Sherlock isn't going to shit for a fortnight.

It makes me cringe every time I read something like this on Facebook. Can't people just be kind and not need to seek praise from everyone?! It makes me wonder why they were nice in the first place! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I can't stand this either. But there are so many things about facebook that upset me I probably shouldn't be on there!!

But my favourite ones are the ones right here in AIBU, because they have to detail their random act of kindness and then find a way to ask if they're being unreasonable about it
I love these threads on AIBU, please don't let them stop. Especially the replies where people manage to find reasons why the poster shouldn't have been kind and helped people

"humblebrag of the week" is my favourite part of Elis James and John Robin's show on Radio X.

No shortage of people behaving like utter tools in this life, I'm afraid.

It's disgusting. It cheapens each and every good deed you ever do if you need to photograph or document it. Good deeds should be between the deeder and the deedee, nobody else need know.

Suspect deedee may not be a word. But I know what I mean.

YANBU
It completely takes any sincerity away from the deed itself. In fact, most things people put on FB are completely insincere. You know when someone puts a message up to a family member/friend but tags them in rather than sending a private message just so everyone can see how loving and kind they are!

I agree; if the person who received the act of kindness or onlookers post it that seems fair enough but posting about yourself new thing seems to be happening on the marketplace groups I’m in as well recently that people keep posting things they have and saying ‘want this to go to someone in need’...well there are lots of ways to ensure that happens but selling it/trying to give it away on FB probably isn’t one of them l. Be better to ask where things can be taken locally etc. But then the person wouldn’t get the attention for their ‘kind’ post.