Don't know aibu (dh)

[wobblywonderwoman]

First aibu so please be gentle.

Dh has a poorly family member and this is not the issue but due to this - he often spends time with them. However, another family member asked for a huge favour (once off but let's say 10 hours out of the weekend) so I am OK with that (I think)
Due to work commitments, I go on mini breaks with DC without him and now he was due to come tonight to a Halloween party and has agreed to go into work.

So effectively I dont really spend anytime with him/all of us a family. I have brought it up but all I get is 'I can't change my job etc.

I kind of know such is life but I just feel shit.

To be fair he is a great person and very hands on with DC. Should I be grateful for that ? Just get on with it?

Sounds like your husband is getting pulled in so many directions at the moment. Maybe a bit of support from you would go a long way. I'd weather the storm here and tell him this. Then he'd probably want to spend time with you.

You are his own family. You deserve better. Not being a bad man isn't any way to justify staying with someone who acts like this. Life is short, ask for more.

Do you work OP?

But in fairness he’s got competing demands to juggle,work,family,you
Be candid with him,say what’s on your mind,akpllow him to talk too
He might be defensive since you wished you were single. Not easy to hear

Do you have a life outside of the home? Your own interests etc? Do you get on with his family? To make one person your be all and end all is very pressurising to them.

I work full time. I don't think I rely on him at all. I hardly see him.

But maybe I do need more interests outside the home/work things. I will work on that.

But I will weather the storm.

I go on holiday on my own with the DC. I dont think he realises how I feel no matter how I explain.

Do you have a good relationship with his family? That does matter as much as others tend to think it doesn't.

Most people come as a package. Their family included. If i didn't get on with their family and they were very close to them then, for me, it wouldn't bode well and be a bit of a no deal.

I do - I don't have a lot in common with them - they are quite religious and old fashioned - but they are good people

I always believe that someone you meet will always have family commitments and if you go with that and not against then the other person will not feel torn. He is what you met and going with the flow when a family member is sick, supporting him yet knowing it may take him away for a bit and having your own interests will help you weather it.

You sound like a good person, thank you silver. I absolutely love the person who is sick - it was the other person looking for a silly favour because their dh was too lazy/too stingy to pay - that was the upsetting thing.

The nature of work/bills is hard.

I do need to support dh than fight against him - remember my vows

You don't need to be a doormat either OP. Just tell him that you feel a bit rejected at the moment but you understand he has other things. I find killing with kindness the best way to go other than getting cross. It brings better results.

You say overall he’s a good dad, attentive to the kids,and his family but you feel has been neglecting you
Potentially easily fixed, if you both talk about it
I hope you can both work things out