Aibu anxiety over fish tank

13 replies

CrumbsAloha · 27/10/2017 21:47

Hi,
My husband has a massive fish tank which he’s had for about 18 months and was £1000+ in kit and set up costs. The entire time he’s had it it has caused me anxiety. We have 3 boys including one 2 year old, and I have this fear of it being smashed and water going everywhere. (Added context to this anxiety is that our house flooded about 3 years ago, which was awful and very stressful, and I also have generalised anxiety disorder)
Anyway, I have kept this anxiety to myself for the first 13 months he had the tank, as I didn’t want to stop him from his hobby. But then a few months back it came up in conversation one night, and he was very sympathetic of my feelings, and decided to empty it of water to make me feel better and use it as a vivarium for a frog. It’s been about 4 months with the frog in it, and he started talking about removing the tank and taking it to his workplace as we could do with a second sofa in our living room and can’t fit both. This was totally his idea and I agreed with it but he’s now decided that he wants to keep fish in it again. This has set off all kinds of anxiety for me. I initially thought I would ignore my feelings and let him get on with it, but when I tried to talk to him about it, he has stormed off to bed talking about the waste of money and saying he’ll just take it to the tip tomorrow.
Aibu to say no to something that causes me anxiety? Should I just let him do what he wants, because my anxiety over this shouldn’t hold us both back?
Would appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:

Caulk · 27/10/2017 21:51

Get help for your anxiety. Honestly.

GeillisTheWitch · 27/10/2017 21:52

Why is it a problem at his workplace? If it bursts and floods there its not your problem.

Wholovesorangesoda · 27/10/2017 22:49

I agree with caulk. It's very difficult for a fishtank to just spring a leak, and when they do they just leak, they don't cascade. I think they're made with toughened glass or something. Anyway, whatever the why's and wherefores of it I do think you should have a chat with the doctor to see about some help with your anxiety.
In the meantime I think you should speak to your husband again and explain that you know it seems extreme to be so bothered by it but it's just the way you feel and then either tell him you're going to see a gp about it all or ask him to take it to his work.
I get that he doesn't want to waste the money but anxiety isn't something you are just doing for fun either and he should be more understanding. Does he perhaps bot understand the extent of the anxiety?

Seti · 27/10/2017 22:57

Go to your GP. You don’t have to live like this. Trust me, I know

AgentProvocateur · 27/10/2017 22:59

You need to see a gp. That level of anxiety is not healthy.

BarbarianMum · 27/10/2017 22:59

The problem is your anxiety. Get help.

snorkmaiden68 · 27/10/2017 23:50

They are made of really toughened glass. My son had a massive one in our dining room all the time he was at home. We transported it back in the car with the seats down and went over bumps (slowly) and it was fine. He worked in an aquarium and would say they really don't break easily. Please get help for your anxiety. Your dh probably loves his hobby and when my son had the tank it looked lovely with the fish, used to really relax me to sit and watch them at night

ilovesooty · 27/10/2017 23:55

What happened to the fish when he emptied it before?

Just curious.

As others have said, they're made from toughened glass.

Insomnibrat · 28/10/2017 00:15

Is there another room it could go in, for instance a conservatory or kitchen with tiled floor, just to alleviate some 'flooding' anxiety if it should leak?

I'm sure it would be fine

LolaTheDarkerdestroyer · 28/10/2017 00:21

I have a big 4foot tank in my living room and a smaller tank upstairs...Neither have ever sprung a leak, it’s rare that that happens.

Cookingongas · 28/10/2017 10:19

Yabu- if it’s at his office what impact has it upon you? You’re anxiety is unreasonable (naturally)

Secondly though- as he flirts between fish and frogs what happens to them? Did he just get rid of all his fish? Now he’s had a frog for a few months he’s going to get rid of that too? That’s not responsible ownership of pets tbh

butterfield90 · 28/03/2019 04:52

you kept your anxiety for 13 months to yourself!?
It's more likely you have a problem with anxiety. chill and go get yourself a therapist. if not, what helped me was this, maybe it'll helped you too!
asmrdoc.com/understand-anxiety-and-overcoming-it/

RhiWrites · 28/03/2019 06:09

How did you feel about the initial spend?
Why wouldn’t he sell it instead of tipping it?
Is he always so dramatic?
What happened to the fish?
What’s going to happen to the frog?

So many questions!

Flip