AIBU and paranoid or ..

[Physicallyandmentallyeffed]

... is he cheating on me?

Went to use OHs spare phone to go on the internet this afternoon and he's changed the password.

He only uses it in the evening to play games on before he goes to bed (sad I know) it's an old phone and I've used it in the past to go online if my phone was dead.

He's also started taking more care with his appearance which I've been pleased about but now I'm worried it's not for his or my benefit.

We have 2 kids, been together for over 5 years and things have been stale for a while.

What would you think/do

Ask him for the new password and see how he reacts

Definitely just ask him. Do you have dc? He might want to keep them off the games if they have in app purchases etc?

I think your instincts are trying to tell you something. Maybe you should listen and get to the bottom of it.

I think you clearly suspect something. I would trust your instincts and do some digging. Very calmly ask for the password, all casual. His response will tell all.

I've got to try and find a reason to need to go on it without him suggesting I use the iPad or his main phone.

I only went on his spare because I was stuck in the bedroom with a toddler asleep on me and mine was in another room and he was out, I haven't been on it for months.

I don't know if I should try and look on his main one first, I know I can access that because I used it to look at pics he'd taken of the dc yesterday.

I just can't think of a reason to change the password on his spare phone when it's been the same one since before we met and I don't think he even takes it out of the house. And DC are young so didn't know the previous password and wouldn't know how to use a phone.

I don't do "calm" very well I have borderline personality disorder (which I bet he'll blame for me being suspicious)

Argh can a real grown up switch with me and deal with this appropriately

I asked he said it's been changed for ages and he always changes it (he bloody doesn't it's been the same one for nearly 5 years)

He said don't be dramatic and he's fucked off to bed ... with both of his phones!!

Which unfortunately is a suspicious response

Oh crap. I don’t know what to suggest next.. I guess depends how you feel about snooping!

I guess you just need to keep your eyes open and look for any other signs.

I tried to speak to him, said neither of us are happy and we need to sort it all out and that I feel like he's hiding something from me, to which he replied, or what? So I said we'll have to split.
He didn't seem fussed, now I don't know if he doesn't care or he wasn't taking me seriously.

hate all the uncertainty and I'm now going to be second guessing everything, but I don't think I have a choice but to wait it out.

Fuuuuck

He didn't seem fussed when you mentioned splitting??
Why would he not think you're serious? Have you mentioned splitting before and not gone through with it?

We talked about splitting after having our first dc but had couples counselling and things were better for a while but he's been cold now for nearly a year.

I've been up most of the night trying to figure out what my options are and there is no way I can afford to live on my own with the dc, I don't know how people do it.

I would just watch and wait for the time being. Don't make any big decisions just yet. Maybe suggest couple counselling again? It's not definite that he's cheating, though it doesn't look great.
Are you renting? Are you a SAHM?

We rent and I'm currently on ESA, I did the sums last night and I'd have £28 after all main bills left for food and other living expenses.

So far today he's acting like last night didn't happen.