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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I want more!!

25 replies

BabyKangaroo90 · 27/10/2017 16:23

Ok here goes...

Me and my OH are planning our wedding, trying for a baby. We live in a rented house, both work full time. We are very happy!

But today a very close relative passed away. I'm obviously feeling very sad. But all of a sudden I've had a rush of needing something new, a new adventure if you will? Not something materialistic. I just feel as though we are wasting our lives with the same old routine everyday. I've always wanted to have my own business or live abroad. I want to approach this with him but I don't want him to feel like I'm not happy, I just feel I need to do something! We don't have a lot of money and we are saving really hard for the wedding.

AIBU to feel like this? I honestly am happy and I couldn't be with a better partner! Should I let this feeling just pass and shake it off? Or should I grab this and do something?? And if so...what do I bloody do?? Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Allthebestnamesareused · 27/10/2017 16:31

Why spend money on the wedding? Do something now while you have no mortgage commitments and no children.

Travel the the world. You can do all the other stuff later!

Original poster

BabyKangaroo90 · 27/10/2017 16:38

There is absolutely no way my OH would postpone the wedding. He's really wants to get married and if I suggested that to him his anxiety would go into complete meltdown! This is why I feel stuck...we just don't have the cash to spare x

OP posts:

GrockleBocs · 27/10/2017 16:43

Cheap wedding? Doesn't have to be expensive. Use the money to live a little.
Or is his anxiety stopping the pair of you doing things?

BikeRunSki · 27/10/2017 16:49

Have a smaller wedding? or fewer guests, or less flowers, or his street clothes or something? Friend of mine was overwhelmed by all the planning. Scraped it all, and went to the registry office wth her sister and parents, and her DH's sister and parents as witnesses. Lunch at M&S! then afternoon tea with friends. Very little planning. low budget, but theirs is no less of a marriage because of it.

Would a baby be the "more" do you think? They certainly add another dimension to your life! If not, then stop trying for one at the moment, until you find what you are searching for and it might not be baby friendly. You sound quiet young still - don't panic!

MatildaTheCat · 27/10/2017 16:49

Do you feel constricted by your DPs anxiety? That would be a worry to me. Maybe you have a sense that you will never get to be adventurous if so?

However, you could postpone ttc and try to compromise. Would he work towards an extended honeymoon with some exciting travel?

Leeds2 · 27/10/2017 16:50

You don't need to postpone the wedding. Just scale it back. Or elope, and use the money you save to put towards one of your joint dreams.

FaFoutis · 27/10/2017 16:54

My wedding cost £100. There are much better ways to spend your money.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2017 16:59

Don't throw money away on a wedding. Gather close family and just go to the registry office and then off to a nice lunch to celebrate. Use the saved money to go on an amazing trip or to start a business.

NorksAkimbo72 · 27/10/2017 16:59

Scale the wedding down to something simple and small, then use some of the savings to go travelling, or start a business. Maybe wait until you've had a few years of travel or moving before you have a baby? Don't settle too young...do lots in the world before the kids come along!

Happyemoji · 27/10/2017 17:07

Groomzilla bless him try and persuade him to have a cheaper wedding.

Original poster

BabyKangaroo90 · 27/10/2017 21:42

A baby is something we both desperately want. We have been trying for a while now so hopefully that will happen soon. My OH anxiety is not severe, it's there but it's not so severe that it will hold us back.

I think I just feel so sad from the loss of our family member that perhaps I'm searching for something to pull me out of it.

They have just asked me if I would like to do a reading and I just don't know if I can do it. I can barely make it through any funeral without blubbering let alone my beloved Grandma. Just don't want to let anyone down

Thanks for all your suggestions though. I will start looking into something I could perhaps run from home.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 27/10/2017 21:43

Do something new then.

Not everything costs money.

Do something like
learn French with the intention to plan a holiday to France in the future.
Take up yoga together
Research your family tree and visit every living relative in the current three generations.
Go to every Wetherspoons in the country,

picklemepopcorn · 27/10/2017 21:44

Do something grandma would have liked!

JennyHolzersGhost · 27/10/2017 21:46

Go travelling, OP. Whether you marry or not. Itchy feet aren’t a bad thing.

Laiste · 27/10/2017 21:48

How old are you OP?

I ask because if you're still very young then you could think about a 5, 10 or even 15 year plan? After the baby comes?

Or is the bio clock ticking for falling pregnant quite soon?

Yes to pps advice for a cheap wedding.

bigsighall · 27/10/2017 21:50

I think this is a fairly common reaction after a bereavement. Sorry for you loss.

Misspilly88 · 27/10/2017 21:53

I don't think you need to make any drastic changes or decisions just yet, this is exactly how I'm feeling after losing my mum, and I'm treating it as part of the bereavement. It's kind of a 'life's too short, need to achieve, make the most of life' thing which is great but I'm waiting till things are settled to properly think about any changes.

niknac1 · 27/10/2017 21:57

I agree with big, when my mum died I looked at my life in a different way because I was reminded you are not here forever and it was unsettling. Getting married does not have to be expensive so I agree you can look at the expenditure and re assess if you’d like to save some money for a nice break somewhere to enjoy yourselves. Hope it settles for you soon.

Original poster

BabyKangaroo90 · 27/10/2017 21:59

@Misspilly88 I think you're right, I think that's exactly what it is. Life is short and I want to feel like I've done something that I truly wanted to do.

I'm 28 and my partner is 32 so we have time. I think you might be right, a long term plan is a very good idea x

OP posts:

Misspilly88 · 27/10/2017 22:01

Take it easy and take care of yourself. Sorry for your loss

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 27/10/2017 22:15

Could you go for a holiday? It doesn't have to be expensive, backpacking in Iceland, road trip in the US, etc... it would be much harder after having s baby.

Piewraith · 27/10/2017 22:27

I think everyone feels this way. No one is really satisfied with their life, that's not the way it works I think.

Original poster

BabyKangaroo90 · 01/11/2017 22:07

Thank you all for your replies! Just thought I would update you that I think I've finally got that BFP on preggo test!!! Very happy!!! Trying to keep my cool until the weekend to know for sure though x

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 02/11/2017 07:45

CongratulationS! A big adventure is coming your way...

redexpat · 02/11/2017 08:38

Congratulations! Could I recommend a book? It's called how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. It changed my life for the better. It might do the same for you.

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