I'm ridiculously passive to the point where everyone takes the piss out of me and I get walked over right left and centre. I feel guilty over the most ridiculous things (didn't report my childhood abuser as an adult as I worried about upsetting him for example!!) and I've been abused by numerous men because I just can't stick up for myself. A recent example was a bloke who made it quite clear that he wanted to have an affair with me and I just couldn't tell him where to go through fear of looking mean/nasty/bitchy etc. Obviously to him this gave him the green light to continue making suggestive comments, rude suggestions (for example saying he wondered what I'd be like in bed with my weak joints that pop out of place etc) and it carried on until I gave up the hobby he was teaching.
Once in ASDA an employee ran at me with a crate trolley and was unable to stop it in time before it crashed into my back knocking me flying. She stood there, asked if I was ok and laughed!!! And soft twat here said I was fine and told her not to worry before pulling back the tears and carrying on with my shopping. She continued to laugh.
Why the fuck am I so soft and ridiculous? I used to do karate (before quitting due to Pervy instructor) and have recently took it back up. My new instructor is a hard arse and knocks me about a bit but I feel it actually helps. He says his mission is to toughen me up as I'm lovely but soft as shit. I look forward to these classes and I feel my confidence increasing but it's not enough. I want/need to get to the point where I can say to someone "actually, no that's not ok".
What about assertiveness classes? Has anyone tried them? What else can I do? I know we shouldn't try and change who we are but I'm sick of being such an absolute joke.