I'm currently wrestling with what is the best thing to do for him and whether stepping away completely would be the best thing I could do rather than being there to support him.
Background:
DB started a relationship with a long term friend just over two years ago.
Within two months they were living together, engaged within four and expecting a child within six.
Everything was fine until their engagement party where we met her family. They branded us snobs, have decided we don't like them despite us never being anything but kind and welcoming to his GF.
They have been evicted from two homes and are now living with my grandparents. They have thousands of pounds of debt and myself and DSis have felt compelled to keep cleaning up after them as they have been leaving dirty nappies, used sanitary pads, and general filth around my grandparents house.
We have also been listening to my brother for nearly their entire relationship about how unhappy he is, how he doesn't want to live like this etc but whenever he says he's left her, doesn't love her etc within 24 hours they're back together. It's exhausting.
The GF is now taking the approach that we've never liked her, we are unsupportive, lying on a council house application as she doesn't want to live with our family 'because she doesn't want us to see what is going on'.
However, my DB is also at fault here. Won't work or stick at a job, constabtl flapping from one idea to another, expecting us all to bank roll these ideas or bail them out because they've spent all their money on the things he needs for these ideas instead of paying the bills.
On top of these her family and some
if their friends have instigated violent racist bullying of my Dnephew during his first term at school. There is a vendetta for some reason but we have stayed out of their way and still it comes.
Yesterday I told him he needs to grow up, stop expecting us all to bail him out with money/cleaning/childcare etc and that if he wants to stay with his GF that's fine but he needs to realise we can't have a relationship with her because she doesn't like us and doesn't want us around.
My mum is distraught that I've taken this approach as we lost our youngest sister and doesn't want there to be this kind of upset in the family and that we need to support him.
However, I can't see things changing. He's talked about this for two years now and nothing has changed other than us all receiving more and more vitriol from the GF and her family.
I think the best thing to do is leave him to it and protect my own family but am I being cruel to do so?