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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel taken advantage of/ragey about this?

27 replies

Jerseysilkvelour · 26/10/2017 09:57

Asked a friend/neighbour to pop in each day and check on our pets when we were away last week. He offered, and has done it before a few times and has our spare key for convenience anyway. Been our neighbour for about 4 yrs but only really got to know him this year.

So we get home, text him to say thanks, had no reply for four days, during which I'm looking round thinking I'm sure I hadn't opened that laundry detergent, I'm sure we had more toilet rolls, and I'm sure there was a couple of £ of dd's tooth fairy money I'd left on the side as we went out of the door.

Neighbour eventually shows his face and says he owes me a couple of £ because he borrowed it while we were away because he had no milk. No mention of any of the other stuff. I was a bit taken aback and said that was dd's £, I didn't say outright I wasn't best pleased but he left pretty swiftly so it may have been clear!

AIBU to be annoyed about this? It was only a couple of £ but would he have taken the £100 in the cupboard if he'd known it was there?! He has asked to borrow money in the past, I did a couple of times but the third time I told him know and said I'm not comfortable with it so won't be lending any again. He paid back on those occasions, but the tooth fairy money is still outstanding. He's also asked for milk, washing powder etc a few times and again I said yes a couple of times and then said I'm not the supermarket!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 26/10/2017 09:59

Did you pay him the going rate for petsitting?

If not, I'd say you were neck and neck in the CF half-marathon.

newmumwithquestions · 26/10/2017 10:04

I disagree Saucy, he's gone through OPs stuff without asking. If he didn't want to do it he should have just said no.
I'd be pissed off too!

However I wouldn't be asking for the tooth fairy money. It's wrong of him to take it but if it's a couple of £ it's not like it's much compared to a cat-sitter. Do you normally get him a present to say thanks?

Maelstrop · 26/10/2017 10:06

My neighbour offers to let the dogs out on the three days a month when we're both at work, I would certainly not expect her to take money/supplies. I would go round with dd, ask for the money and key back and never let him borrow stuff/back in the house again. He's a cf.

Seeyamonday · 26/10/2017 10:10

He's so out of of order it's not funny! He could have sent you a text asking to borrow whatever it was was he needed. Get the £ back then get your key, he can't be trusted.

BastardGoDarkly · 26/10/2017 10:17

I wouldn't care about the couple of quid, or the washing powder, if someone's friend enough to have a key and do me a favour daily, they're friend enough to spare £2 and a couple of laundry tablets!

You don't sound like you trust or even like him much though, so get your key back and ask someone else.

OnASummersDay · 26/10/2017 10:27

He's bang out of order! @BastardGoDarkly, I don't know about you but I certainly don't steal things from my friends' house if I'm doing them a favour?! Him petsitting the cat does not give him the right to treat the house as his own!!

Get your key back ASAP, OP.

Original poster
Jerseysilkvelour · 26/10/2017 10:29

Yeah he's had a thank you gift each time. I'm more than happy to pay for a pet sitter, that's what I always used to do, so I think that's the way forward in the future.

He's never taken anything on previous occasions which is what has made me think twice about it this time rather than just getting my key back and sending him on his way.

The household supplies borrowing got a bit ridiculous, to the point I was having to buy twice as much milk and detergent as before! Hence I started saying no. Also the sums of money were getting larger.

I guess I just feel taken advantage of because i wasn't there to ask, feels like he just took advantage of that.

OP posts:
Serialweightwatcher · 26/10/2017 10:41

He shouldn't have done what he did at all ... no excuses there, but really and truly you should have actually paid him for doing it anyway - still no excuse but maybe he felt 'entitled' to something. Not right though and you don't know if he went hunting through your stuff

whiskyowl · 26/10/2017 10:46

Oh FFS people. Of course you don't help yourself to other people's stuff when you are pet sitting.

If you think asking someone to pet sit is CF territory, you're quite within your rights to just say no. If you agree to do it, however, you respect their stuff and their home and don't treat it as a source of stuff/money.

My neighbour and I pet sit for each other all the time. There's no way I would help myself to anything in their house, and they wouldn't dream of doing that to ours either.

Original poster
Jerseysilkvelour · 26/10/2017 10:56

Should have paid him? So do i also need to start charging my friends when I pick up their kids from school?! He offered to do me a favour.

When I was a kid friends always looked after each other's pets, that's the way it went. Professional pet sitters seem to be a modern phenomenon!

OP posts:
NameChangeFamousFolk · 26/10/2017 10:58

whiskeyowl has it completely right.

YANBU. I wouldn't ask him to do it again!

Santawontbelong · 26/10/2017 10:58

Sounds like next time he would be moving in while you were away - save his electricity!!

diddl · 26/10/2017 11:07

I think that if your not such friends that this bothers you, best make other arrangements in future.

sunandmoonshine · 26/10/2017 11:08

YANBU. How weird!

I would never ever ever have anyone in my home when I was away.

Fuck that.

Not much help sorry. Just saying.

elfinpre · 26/10/2017 11:12

He does sound untrustworthy, I wouldn't bother again.

I pay one neighbour for pet sitting, but she is an actual pet sitter as a business. Other neighbours we haven't paid but reciprocated by looking after their cats, and we always brought them something from our holidays.

RubyWinterstorm · 26/10/2017 11:22

it is a boundary thing.

Pet sitting for someone does not mean you are allowed to help yourself to anything you fancy/need, having a nice little rummage through their stuff.

This is not a neighbour I'd like to give my key to.

Plain weird IMO

newlabelwriter · 26/10/2017 11:26

Very weird. My lovely NDN comes in and feeds my cat when I am away, always offers (she loves my cat), we do the same when she is away. It would be completely out of order for her / me to go through her things.

MadeleineMaxwell · 26/10/2017 11:28

Eh? Who has (non-business) neighbours who charge for petsitting?! Surely you either have a friendly relationship with them in which you do each other favours here and there, or you don't. We've always just brought them a present of some nice consumables when ours have agreed to do it for us.

OP, that is one cheeky mofo you have there. If he needed to borrow a few quid or supplies, he should have replaced them well before you got back. Get your key back or change the locks.

Time40 · 26/10/2017 11:29

He's obviously struggling financially, otherwise he wouldn't have a history of borrowing money and asking for household things. I think having access to your stuff proved to be too much of a temptation for him, given his problems.

He shouldn't have taken the bits and pieces, but I can see why he did. I think he's basically honest, as he told you about the couple of quid. I don't think some loo roll etc is worth getting upset about, but I certainly wouldn't ask him to pet-sit again.

Jasminedes · 26/10/2017 11:37

You're going to need to get that key back somehow.

Branleuse · 26/10/2017 11:38

I would ask for the key back, unless you are a really good friend.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 26/10/2017 11:41

Change the locks - if he's that cheeky, he could easily have had a copy cut..!

StrangeLookingParasite · 26/10/2017 11:47

Did you pay him the going rate for petsitting?

If not, I'd say you were neck and neck in the CF half-marathon.

Did you read the part where he actually offered? Hmm
Honestly, so keen to find a way to blame the OP you don't even bother to read what she posted.

newmumwithquestions · 26/10/2017 14:14

really and truly you should have actually paid him for doing it anyway
No the OP shouldn't, a (small) gift to say thanks is the done thing, and that's not guaranteed. It's what you do to help someone out - I always quite like being asked as I know I am building up my 'bank' of people to ask back if needed!

Serialweightwatcher · 26/10/2017 19:18

I wouldn't ever expect a neighbour who has only just recently become a friend to do anything for a small gift, especially when it is a daily task for a week - a long term good friend, maybe but I'd still give them money or vouchers for doing it ... anyway that's me, but it still doesn't excuse his behaviour as I previously stated

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